When some older men choose to date younger women, they are apprehensive at first. These are the men who haven't dated anyone decades younger, because for years they have been preoccupied with their own age group or older. Their discomfort with dating someone younger is due to many things including not being confident in who they are, nervous about what others might think, fighting feelings of incompatibility or inadequacy, and a host of other emotions.
A young woman might pick up on some signs that an older man may not be sold out on dating her and may call the relationship off before he does. Here are some reasons that would make any woman (young or old) not want to continue dating a man insecure about the age gap.
1. He doesn't mention bringing you around family or friends.
Repeated conversations might have come up about family and friends yet he doesn't take you anywhere around these people. He might make promises to meet them one day, but somehow he finds a way to get out of making arrangements.
2. He avoids planning outings where you are both seen together by those he knows.
He knows how his favorite relatives and friends are going to react so to save himself and you the embarrassment he just doesn't find meeting them important at this time. Some men know they are not yet over exes and may be exposed on their lies, so rather than risk their young dates disconnecting from them, they will keep the keys to the truth hidden in this case people who know them well, family.
3. He prefers taking you to places that appear out of the way, distant.
Does your partner have something to hide? Bring up places you like to go repeatedly. Don't be shut down by his suggestions. If he doesn't make room for your input now, what makes you think he will later? You have a right to a good time with anyone you choose not to a hidden romance with possibly a controlling and manipulative person. So find out what is his reasons for putting off all your suggestions to visit together certain areas.
4. He often talks about how young you are.
Run. His view isn't going to change when you are 30 plus and active and he is 50 plus slowing down and not so active. He knows he shouldn't have opened that door up to a younger woman and most likely people around him are telling him he needs to find women his own age.
5. During disputes he comments, "You are stupid, act like child...why do I bother dating girls?"
Once again, he wanted to date you and now he complains about you. No one has time to diagnose a head case. Of course, you are going to act young, because your are YOUNG. And the opposite of young is old. He ought to act his age and stop with the name-calling. Say bye, Felicia!
6. He appears nervous and uncomfortable when you speak to others in his presence.
Is he worried that you might sound immature to his circle? Is he concerned you might talk too much? Is he ashamed of how much more intelligent you might be compared to him? Now how long is his negative demeanor supposed to last? Don't hold up your life for the man who doesn't feel comfortable in your presence--move on.
7. He acts confused, even rude, when you explain to him what your age group likes.
Of course he can't relate to a person 10 plus years younger if he doesn't bother reading or watching anything you and your group finds interesting. He is clueless! His age really begins to show when he starts talking about things from back in the day that you can't wrap your head around. Unless you and he are willing to find common ground, there will be none in personal interests, business, parenting, etc. Take a moment and research what it was like for him growing up, being a young man, and what he did during the age you are right now, you will learn a lot about why he carries the views he has about women, sex, communication, lifestyle, and more.
8. He often says things like, "You need to grow up! Are you wearing that?" it's as if he is pressuring you to act and dress older.
Once again he is showing just how much he is not on board with the age gap relationship. Rather than accepting it, he turns it into a father daughter connection. Ugh! Can we say, controlling!?
9. He starts to talk negatively about marriage and family and how much of a burden you and other people, places and things in his life are, we have a problem, Houston.
There is a lot said when nothing is said. Maybe he hasn't verbalized anything but his gradual disinterest says it all. Yet, if he has shared some mean-spirited comments about everything from who you are to parenting practices, it is safe to say he wants out. Some men should have never even entertained the thought of marriage and children for themselves--they are ill-equipped emotionally and physically. Not every man or woman is meant to be married and have children especially when they have a history of not wanting to be either/or.
Look back on the months and years being with the older man and you will see just how much he has changed. If he is a better person as a result of the marriage and family planning, bravo! But if he is nit-picking, complaining, and placing blame on you as well as other women including his own mother, time to redirect your attention to greener pasture. Men like this only get older and grumpier about their life choices.
10. He has made it plain that he doesn't like or love you for any number of reasons he has came up with and none has anything to do with the fact that he is older.
Of course, he has to find everything that is wrong with you and not him. He has to run from the fact that he had no business dating/marrying you in the first place. Most likely he was forewarned by loved ones early on that most age gap relationships don't last. They questioned him, "What do you want with that young woman?" And we all know what many older, single men or newly divorced ones want other than friendship, sex and to relive those days when they had a crush--aww, not! You weren't put on this planet to be anyone's temporal fantasy. So you awaken to the truth and most likely you slammed the older man with something like, "There is more to me...You are just using me since you want to say all I want is your money...well that isn't all I want...I want more out of life! And it would have been nice to be with someone who genuinely loved me and treated me with respect. I am not responsible for your insecurities when it comes to dating or being with young women. Get over yourself and be the kind of man you claim to be!"
When he met you young woman, he knew you didn't have as much money as he, may not have owned or drove a fancy car, lived with roommates or alone, had debt possibly up to your eyeballs, yet you looked very attractive--far more better looking than other women he dated and youthful too. So he didn't want to pass up the opportunity when you gave it to him. Now he has second thoughts, third thoughts, and whatever other doubts about being with you. It is what it is, right? Now the ball is in your court, what to do? I think you know the answer to that question.
Here's to a successful future!
Nicholl McGuire
Thursday
Wednesday
Bad Men You Should Avoid Like a Plague
Women always say, “I didn’t know
he was like that” when their boyfriends perform acts that cause everyone around
them shame. In some cases they really
weren’t aware of the boyfriend’s mischievous deeds, but in other cases women knew
well in advance they just hoped he would stop.
Most women are not stupid, gullible, dumb, or any other
name critics choose to call them for the selections in men they make. For some, they truly had no idea their
boyfriend meant bad news for them.
The
ever-popular question of, “Why did she get herself involved with him anyway?”
continues to loom over their heads and the reasons vary depending on whom you
ask. Some women may have found out about
their problem boyfriends and stayed because of love, status, money and/or
power. Others may have stayed so long with their troubled men because
they didn’t want to carry the guilt of leaving their children’s fathers over
issues they felt could have been resolved.
Still many women feel they can change men even though we know otherwise.
As long as women continue to believe that the
power of sex, money, counseling, personal sacrifice or a host of other
strategies to change a bad man will work, they will continue to subject
themselves to mental and physical abuse.
These strategies simply will never work for some men. There comes a time when women will have to
get off their knees whether she is praying to God or pleading to her mate to
change. She will have to stand up
carrying her self-respect in hand and walk right through the door of “end the
relationship now.”
The following advice is written
for women who haven’t yet made a commitment or a baby with a “bad boy.” She may be struggling with whether she is
ready to settle down with him, distance herself from him or keep him as a
friend. Although the best advice is not
to offer to carry him or his burdens and just leave him alone, there will be
those women who will still stay. If
those women choose to stay, they have committed themselves to a hard life of
many restless nights, aches and pains at times mentally and/or physically abusive. They most likely will past negative behaviors to their future children and
their children.
The Liar – In the beginning of
the relationship, you caught him in a few white lies. He had what seemed like convincing excuses;
therefore you let him get away with them.
Now the lying has increased and the excuses have become minimal if not
at all. Actions you may want to consider
are the following: Approach him not only
with what you think, but what you know; in other words have proof. Stop taking his lying lightly. Let him know that this behavior you will not
accept any longer. If he chooses to
continue lying, then tell him you will have to end the relationship for good. Once you have made a decision that you are
leaving, begin to make efforts to not be contacted by him (change your cell
phone number, block his email address, put places you hang out frequently on
hold, and avoid telling mutual friends about your personal whereabouts,
thoughts and feelings. You must not
leave and then go back to him, he will only get better about lying to you over
time.
The Player also known as The Pimp
– This man is obsessed with being contacted or making contact with the opposite
sex. He will use cell phone, email, your
house phone or friends to make contact with whomever he meets. He will leave a trail of evidence whether it
is the popular piece of paper that slips out of his pocket with a phone number
without a name, restaurant receipts, hotel charges, cologne or jewelry gifts,
read and sent email that sits in his account that he forgot to delete. He begins to create a pattern in his actions
when you have become old and someone else becomes new. Look out for this repetitious pattern.
The Player may develop his pattern after work on a
daily basis working later and later nights at the office then when he comes
home he is providing almost too much detail about what happened at work or not
at all. Notice the changes in his demeanor and conversation compared to how he behaved before you suspected something.
Another pattern he may create is choosing a hobby or interest that is very unusual to his personality and tending to "it" faithfully. What you can do to find out if he is sincere is
offer to pick him up from his "class" on some nights. Watch his reaction. There may also be the weekend pattern of
always “needing to get away, have some "time to myself, or I’m so busy with errands.” All the while making little or no time for
the two of you to go out and be seen together.
Think about this, when you suggest new places to visit, does he find an excuse to take you to
the same area you both are familiar rather than trying a new spot? This behavior could be occurring to keep you from running into the other woman
or women. He finds a way, any way, to
travel to places without you. He regularly uses an excuse such as “I’m going to my
mother’s house or hanging out with Rick, Joe or someone you never heard of
Frank.”
Be careful family and friends
will cover for him. He will call you, at
times when he knows you are out and about to see if you will be in the
proximity where he will be entertaining the other woman or women. He is protective of his cell phone and his
computer; if you tried to check either it may be password protected. You may want to consider whether having to
worry over your man’s whereabouts is worth all of this aggravation. In time, you will become insecure, angry for
no apparent reason, and develop a since of distrust toward everyone you
meet. This is baggage you don’t need.
The Thief – He has been around
when things go missing. At first you
didn’t suspect him and thought items had just been misplaced or he blamed
someone else for taking them. Yet, you
have always had a funny feeling in your gut that he was the one who made off
with your dad’s tools, took your favorite CD, helped himself to some cash
sitting around, and other important items.
It is time to come up with a plan, set him up. The kind of plan you come up with can’t be
easily figured out by him and if you sincerely want your restless conscience to
be at peace, then go to great lengths to figure out whether he is
trustworthy. Time is money and the
longer you stay with him, the more items will go missing.
The Hustler – He is always
thinking of a way to separate people from their money illegally. From identity theft to standing on the street
corner selling drugs, he always has a knot of money and doesn’t mind living
lavishly. Now you may think that what he
has told you about his daytime job is paying the bills, but the truth of the
matter that job didn’t pay for the designer clothing and expensive jewelry you
wear; instead it was the second one you may or may not know about. This man is dangerous. He has enemies and one day some one will catch
up with him, you or anyone who associates with either of you, and the sight
won’t be pretty. You must ask yourself
this question, is he worth putting your life and everyone else’s lives around
you in danger?
The Abuser/Controller – You can
never do anything right. He is often
critical, walks around with an attitude and every opportunity he has alone he
wants you to stop living your world to be with him. In the beginning of the relationship, you
justified his negative personality with excuse after excuse. Whether he is physically ill, illiterate,
disabled or mentally disturbed and on medication, you have a right to explain
how you feel about him to him. You may
have done this already and got knocked to the ground whether verbally or
physically. You may have told yourself
that things will get better and he is making an effort to change. Well that is good if he is sincere about
becoming a better man; however, he can make those strides without you living
with him and subjecting yourself to his name calling, mood swings, choking,
punching, and grabbing. There are no
rewards in heaven given to women who allow themselves to be abused by men. There was only one Christ in the Holy Bible
and you are not He.
The Mooch – You have invited him
once again on an outing and he never has any money in his wallet. During inopportune times, he says he needs to
stop at the ATM and you know there is none even close to where the two of you
are located. When he offers to take you
out, he usually picks a place that he doesn’t have to pay much (despite the
fact that when it was on your tab he ordered steak and another time
lobster!) He drives your car and doesn’t
fill it up, when you mention it; he finally puts some gas in the tank -- a
measly $5 or $10. Holidays come and go
with very little if any acknowledgement from him. Yet, you bought him (and possibly his
relatives) really nice gifts whether it was a holiday or not.
The Mooch displays affection, says all the right
things, and listens to your concerns only when he knows he needs something from
you. If you choose to continue a
relationship with this man you have options and they are as follows. You could stop being so generous and treat
him how he treats you. For example, when
you invite him out, treat him to the kind of places he takes you. Put a limit on how often he drives your
car. Avoid helping him when he is in a
bind since you know he won’t help you.
Make yourself unavailable to run errands for him and anyone associated
with him (that includes his children by a previous relationship, his mother,
sister or brother.) If he begins to see
you are no fool, he won’t continue to run over you and will grow to appreciate
you. However, if he doesn’t you will be making it easy for him to walk away
from you without you having to break up with him.
The Drunk/ Drug Abuser – How many
times have you seen him intoxicated or using drugs? Is he fun, angry, disgusting or depressed
afterward? Are most of the relationship
problems you have been facing associated with this type of behavior? If so, then you will have to consider whether
or not you will help him get counseling from a distance, continue to live with
him and endure the abuse, leave him alone altogether or create an intervention
for him that includes a professional counselor, family and friends who have all
been affected by his negative ways. If
he consistently refuses help, then for your own sanity and safety, leave him
alone.
This small sample of men you are better off without in your life is nothing compared to all the other ones who are out there that you just might recognize immediately and kick to the curb. Do take a moment to check out my book and I wish you well, Ladies!
Nicholl McGuire is the author of Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men and manages Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate, the blog named after the book.
Monday
Lustful Stares from Older Men
It happens you are the young lady that has captivated the interest of an older man whether he is with a partner or not. You can see from his lustful staring at your face and/or body that he is interested. However, do you really want to talk with a man who looks at you like you are a fresh cut of meat? Here's why men like this are such a turn-off for some young women.
1) He usually does the same to other young women.
2) When he is with a partner looking lustfully at other women, it is safe to say he is disrespectful to her as well as other ladies he is around and lacks self-control.
3) Young women who are busy tending to an errand, focused on getting somewhere, or walking with a partner aren't the least bit interested in an older man who creeps them out with all his staring.
There are other reasons why men like this are better left alone. Looking at any woman with a lustful look is not only something that might get some old man hurt by her younger partner, father, or brother, but it also says a lot about him, "Keep away."
Nicholl McGuire is the author of Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men.
1) He usually does the same to other young women.
2) When he is with a partner looking lustfully at other women, it is safe to say he is disrespectful to her as well as other ladies he is around and lacks self-control.
3) Young women who are busy tending to an errand, focused on getting somewhere, or walking with a partner aren't the least bit interested in an older man who creeps them out with all his staring.
There are other reasons why men like this are better left alone. Looking at any woman with a lustful look is not only something that might get some old man hurt by her younger partner, father, or brother, but it also says a lot about him, "Keep away."
Nicholl McGuire is the author of Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men.
Friday
Tuesday
10 Hollywood Age Gap Romances
The number of Hollywood age gap romances and marriages continues to grow between older men and younger women. Here are more you may have known about or not.
1) David Foster, 67, and Katharine McPhee, 33, ignite romance rumors
2) Steven Tyler made things red carpet official with Aimee Preston, his personal assistant, at an Oscar party in February 2016. She's 39 years younger than the Aerosmith rocker
3) David Cross and Amber Tamblyn
4) Rowan Atkinson is 28 years older than Louise Ford
5) Jeff Goldblum is 31 years older than Emilie Livingston
6) Kelsey Grammer married Katy Walsh (27-years-younger)
7) Alec Baldwin with 26-years-younger wife, Hilaria Baldwin
8) Susan Crow is Tony Bennett's third wife, and she is 40 years younger than Tony
9) Mel Gibson's girlfriend Rosalind Ross is 35 years younger
10) Camila Alves and Matthew McConaughey have a 14-year age difference
1) David Foster, 67, and Katharine McPhee, 33, ignite romance rumors
2) Steven Tyler made things red carpet official with Aimee Preston, his personal assistant, at an Oscar party in February 2016. She's 39 years younger than the Aerosmith rocker
3) David Cross and Amber Tamblyn
4) Rowan Atkinson is 28 years older than Louise Ford
5) Jeff Goldblum is 31 years older than Emilie Livingston
6) Kelsey Grammer married Katy Walsh (27-years-younger)
7) Alec Baldwin with 26-years-younger wife, Hilaria Baldwin
8) Susan Crow is Tony Bennett's third wife, and she is 40 years younger than Tony
9) Mel Gibson's girlfriend Rosalind Ross is 35 years younger
10) Camila Alves and Matthew McConaughey have a 14-year age difference
Active and Inactive Older Men, Younger Women
If you are one who doesn't have much of a lifestyle outside of the workplace, then think twice about involving yourself with an active, fit woman. She will tire you out! You will find yourself wanting her to change her activities to suit you. "When will we get together again? I was just wondering when you will come back so that we can sit on the couch, stuff our faces, and watch movies together?" Would you a mere 20 plus want to keep seeing a guy like that? So what does the active guy got that the inactive guy doesn't? Energy. Simply put he does the kind of activities that keep him mentally and physically fulfilled. When you call this guy he is out in the yard working, on the treadmill, at the mall, helping his parents out, and then he winds down after work. He doesn't relax before the day even gets started! But the inactive guy is often pleasuring himself first before he even thinks about tending to something like washing dishes, performing yard work, or shopping. He puts off much unless he is getting paid for it i.e. he'll show up for work, but then how much work is really doing?
Now if an older man desires to attract and keep a young woman, it would make plenty of sense to do the kind of things that will keep him physically fit. The secret is many fit young women are not too happy with their overweight partners no matter how much money or time you spend with them. I have met these women online and a couple have considered dating men who are younger despite being married to older partners. You see money is great when you have it, but what it can't do is change the mind of someone who is uninterested in dating or remaining in a relationship with someone who has let his or herself go. Whoever said fat, lazy, and inconsiderate is okay needs their head examined, but so many people want others to accept things in their lifestyles that they can manage.
An active guy who cares about himself as well as others is definitely a good catch and if a woman is like him, the pair just might be great together. However, when one is not-so active and the other is, there might be challenges such as:
1. The active partner wants to go places and participate in activities more frequently.
2. The inactive partner enjoys spending most days parked in front of electronic devices.
3. The active partner is sociable and has a life outside of work and a relationship.
4. The inactive partner often complains that he or she isn't getting enough attention.
5. The fit partner enjoys looking good for self and others.
6. The not-so fit partner tends to act jealous and/or controlling. He or she also fear that one's partner will meet someone who is more attractive.
Now some people have their share of personal issues which makes them less active. Consider the aging process and health challenges for starters. If a partner's health problems are a concern, one might consider dating people his or her own age, rather than demand a young or older partner to change his or her lifestyle while mistreating him or her.
Nicholl McGuire is the blog owner and the author of Too Much, Too Soon Internet Dating Blues available in print and eBook.
Now if an older man desires to attract and keep a young woman, it would make plenty of sense to do the kind of things that will keep him physically fit. The secret is many fit young women are not too happy with their overweight partners no matter how much money or time you spend with them. I have met these women online and a couple have considered dating men who are younger despite being married to older partners. You see money is great when you have it, but what it can't do is change the mind of someone who is uninterested in dating or remaining in a relationship with someone who has let his or herself go. Whoever said fat, lazy, and inconsiderate is okay needs their head examined, but so many people want others to accept things in their lifestyles that they can manage.
An active guy who cares about himself as well as others is definitely a good catch and if a woman is like him, the pair just might be great together. However, when one is not-so active and the other is, there might be challenges such as:
1. The active partner wants to go places and participate in activities more frequently.
2. The inactive partner enjoys spending most days parked in front of electronic devices.
3. The active partner is sociable and has a life outside of work and a relationship.
4. The inactive partner often complains that he or she isn't getting enough attention.
5. The fit partner enjoys looking good for self and others.
6. The not-so fit partner tends to act jealous and/or controlling. He or she also fear that one's partner will meet someone who is more attractive.
Now some people have their share of personal issues which makes them less active. Consider the aging process and health challenges for starters. If a partner's health problems are a concern, one might consider dating people his or her own age, rather than demand a young or older partner to change his or her lifestyle while mistreating him or her.
Nicholl McGuire is the blog owner and the author of Too Much, Too Soon Internet Dating Blues available in print and eBook.
Young Women: The Older He is, The Closer to His Grave
Live life to the fullest, but keep in mind, he just might not be around as long as he thinks.
Besides, do you have a cap on how old is too old for you?--lol
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