Tuesday

BBC - Newsbeat - Health - Age gap relationships: Good or bad?

It all depends on who you ask.  Read more:

BBC - Newsbeat - Health - Age gap relationships: Good or bad?

Most Older Men Don't Want the Younger Woman, He Just Likes to Flirt

Can you tell the difference between an older man who is simply flirting with no strings attached and one who is very interested in dating a younger woman?  Some women can't tell while some men couldn't care less--that is unless the young woman is his daughter.  There are those young women who falsely assume that any man who visits the drive thru window at a fast food restaurant one too many times in a day to order something with a smile on their faces are interested in them.  Others worry that certain men who talk or laugh too long would like to date.  The thought for some young women never crosses their mind, the mature man has someone already and is just being nice.

When one is desperate for attention, believes that she can gain something (for nothing) or hopes to find that partner to complete her through a moment of laughter and a wink, she appears weak and silly.  Some men like to travel the same route everyday going to and from work, eat at the same restaurant, or shop at the same store.  Their frequent visits doesn't always mean he wants the young woman taking his order or ringing the cash register even though their are some men who do these things hoping to make a connection.

A young woman, who mistakes a friendly exchange as something more, might flirt with the mature man, inquire about his personal life, or assume that he might be "the one."  Some men, who don't clearly draw the line, will fall for that young woman and eventually destroy their families.  So much lost all because a series of friendly encounters grew into a temptation with dire consequences.

Young women as well as older men must pay attention to what signs they might be sending to one another.  Mature unavailable men, consider changing up routines when you see that certain women are beginning to act in ways that say, "I'm interested."  Single young women, be mindful of that flirtacious male's wedding band, photographs, the children riding in his car, the presence of a woman now and then walking or riding with him, or references he makes about "my wife...my family...my girlfriend."  Put yourself in his shoes, would you break up your family for a lover?

Nicholl McGuire author of When Mothers Cry

Deception: When the pretty woman, nice man turns ugly

Don't ever feel so comfortable with an older man that you, younger woman, feel as if you can let yourself go.  And older man, don't feel that a younger woman will stick around just because you promise to take care of her while pretending you are taking care of yourself.  In both situations, you will be found out sooner or later! 

Most experts will tell you that men are visual creatures who like to look at attractive women.  Well, I will have to say that women like to look at nice looking men too, but beauty isn't high on our list.  We can date unattractive men as long as they have other things that attract us to them like a nice body, voice, intelligent, kind, caring, etc.  With that said, a younger woman who thinks that she can go from a 10 to a 5 while dating an older man who she feels comfortable with is going to find herself in trouble one day like an ugly, nice man thinking that it's okay to start acting mean now that he has the pretty woman.

How you begin a dating relationship is going to set the foundation for the future.  People lose interest quickly when the packaged goods is not what they expected they would be once they have invested in them.  If the younger woman advertises, "Fun and sexy with no strings attached."  What do you think that older man who stumbles across her profile is going to want from the day he meets her and beyond?  So a future of marriage, not likely, if she so desires that kind of relationship with him one day.  If the younger woman displays an ad that says, "Christian single seeking an older man who loves God..." She is going to expect that older man to have a faith and attend church with her.  Now if he starts going to the club or bar, the relationship is over. 

We must be careful what messages we convey to others especially if we are seeking our ideal mate.  We also have to be willing to keep up with our image as best we can.  The people who have the hardest time maintaining who they are and what they represent are those who are not sincerely what they claim to be.  If the older man claims that he is active and outgoing in the beginning of th dating relationship, yet when he starts dating the younger woman, she discovers he is the total opposite of what he says, the younger woman is going to feel deceived and call him out on his false advertising.  Why lie or cover who you really are?  Why point the finger back at someone when busted in a lie?

The best advice anyone can take from this blog entry is to be on your best behavior while dating, but also stay true to who you are!  One shouldn't have to find out the hard way that someone sold them a bag of goods just to get immediate needs met.  The pretty woman should stay pretty for as long as she can.  The ugly man should stay nice for as long as he can.  Don't change the script, so to speak, without telling your date in advance so that he or she won't be shocked.  Far too many women wear fake items to enhance their beauty and far too many older men take medicines that make their bodies behave in ways that are unreal.  Once all the glitz and glamour and male enhancements wear off, you are left with your true self!  Now who is deceiving who?

Nicholl McGuire

Thursday

What Does Age Have to Do With It?

So many looks, comments, eye rolls, and more just because someone decides to date younger, a different ethnicity, religion, or income bracket (sigh).  When will people learn that there is more to life than their personal experiences?  When will people understand that not everyone desires "to stick with their own kind."  Most people who have all sorts of hang ups with what others are doing intimately unfortunately don't have a satisfying life.  They are either secretly jealous because they can't be with someone that looks even half as fine as the person you are with.  They are bitter because they have to work long hours while their mate doesn't bother to do much in the area of finances.  The reasons are simply endless as to why people, who are typically bored in their own relationships, feel the need to want to negatively contribute to the lives of others.  So how do you keep your head above water so that you are not that one who is alone, jealous, and simply mad that you messed up a good thing because you took advice from a negative individual?

One.  Avoid getting mixed up with narrow-minded people who have a twisted mentality when it comes to love, dating, etc.  It doesn't matter whether this person is your mother or your best friend, don't listen to someone who cares more about voicing his or her out-dated, ignorant opinions than your personal happiness.  The strongest relationships survive because they keep busybodies out!

Two.  Don't take yourself, faith, political view, children, job, or anything else so seriously to the point that you miss out on cultivating a great relationship with your partner.  If your children, your job and everything else mean the world to you, then you need not look to be in a relationship for long.  Intimate relationships thrive on attention and when a partner sees that everyone and everything else is more important, he or she will start thinking about the grass being greener on the other side.  It doesn't matter how young, cute, physically fit, or how much money you have, if you don't have time to emotionally and physically connect with your partner then you don't have time for a relationship.

Three.  Bring more than meets the eye to your relationship.  There are plenty of people in this world that have flashy, nice, sexy, good, exciting things that they care for, drive, build, and do much with, but after awhile things get old.  Look beyond what you see.  Is there a man or woman in front of you that has more going on besides what they wear and what they do?  Part of being in a relationship is discovering the wonderful truths about a person along with how might you be able to help your loved one with the not-so nice stuff. 

In closing, do think about the things that make you want to be with your mate beyond this year--that's right plan for the future.  What kind of person is this that is worth your time and affection?  Are your feelings being reciprocated?  Is there someone else who you think would be a better match?  Why are you in a relationship with this person?  When you can answer questions like this and more, then you know you are on a path toward a committed, serious relationship.  But if you  find yourself turned off with questions like these or avoid them, then you are not ready to settle down.  It would be best to communicate your feelings to your partner only if you believe your mate is hoping for something more with you.  But if you aren't completely sure about your feelings, don't say anything until you are prepared for the consequences--good or bad.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Laboring to Love Myself and Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate.

Wednesday

A List of Older Dating Younger in Entertainment Industry

Recently, Hugh Hefner at 86 gets married to Crystal Harris 26 years, see here.  Despite what we might think the reasoning behind their nuptials, it appears the couple is happy.  Many others in the entertainment industry have done the same.  Check out this list.

Wednesday

OMG! He Acts Just Like My Dad!

Maybe that day has never came for you.  Maybe you only heard about it, you know, the young woman who comes to the revelation that her older date reminds her so much of none other than her father--oh no!

The mature man is not going to receive this eye-opening experience from the young lady, especially if he considers himself rather young in spirit, he is going to avoid the "You act like and kind of look like my dad" conversation like a plague.  What the heck, this older man probably feared his younger partner would one day arrive to this sudden epiphany! 

When the older man was listening to that young woman's stories about her father early on in the dating relationship, he was thinking about himself.  He was comparing, contrasting, and contemplating, "What if this is all some sort of daddy issue romance playing itself out?  What do I do?" he thought.  Well, you do what any respectable man does, you acknowledge her feelings and you remind her, "But I am not your dad. I repeat I am not your dad."  Then you work real hard not to do anything that appears daddy like such as: parent her, "You are to give me a time when you intend to be back, young lady!" or tell her when she is hurt, "It's okay boo-boo daddy loves you."

Now the young woman is going to reach the point of no return at some point in your dating relationship, where she is not going to go back to that daddy revelation for it is quite disturbing and you will know when she continues on in the relationship as if nothing has ever been revealed.  She says things like, "I truly only want to be with you.  I really would like for us to get married... and what do you think of children?"  She sees you as a lover, friend, and husband but not as a  father, good for you!  

Once you can detect that you, if you are the younger woman, or you, if you are the mature man, realizes that nothing can separate you, not even memories of dad, go ahead, take the next step.  But if every time you two have a moment to converse and she starts talking about "my dad this and my dad that and you act this way and that way just like my dad with a glint of anger in her eyes," jump ship--she has some serious issues that if you don't have the time, money and patience, don't bother trying to direct her to some help while you are still having sex with her.  Better off just being friends.  And for the younger woman, you will need to spend some time alone if you are having a hard time removing the images of your dad and childhood issues concerning him.  You see, no one wants to be reminded that they look, act, smell, dress, or are like someone else--no one!  We are uniquely designed, all of us.  Sure, I might remind you of someone and you might remind me of someone, but we both have many different facets to who we are if only we would all just take the time to discover them in our relationships rather than compare them to the past.

So don't run away mature man if the young woman suddenly realizes that she has been attracted to you, because you remind her of the first man in her life, it just might be a passing phase.  However, younger woman, if it really does bother you that the gentleman you like/love is very much like your dad, don't take the relationship any further.  We wouldn't want you to feel like you are sleeping with your dad--now that's just nasty and besides if you have a faith, you might want to pray about your issues.

Nicholl McGuire

Nicholl Shares Thoughts From a Spiritual Perspective for Women Dating Older Men


Here is some thoughtful insight on dating someone older for the younger women.  Hopefully, you will walk carefully and choose wisely.  Enjoy the video!

Sugar Baby, Sugar Daddy 

by Nicholl McGuire who is the writer of this blog and other ones.  She also has written various nonfiction books including When Mothers Cry


For Some Men & Women It's Just Sex

There is nothing significant about that new sexual partner that makes an individual desire a long term commitment particularly when that isn't what he or she truly wants anyway.  For some couples, it's just sex--nothing more and nothing less, that is until emotions get in the way! 

A man in a 10 plus years marriage, who lies about it, is looking for someone or something to break a mundane lifestyle, but his intentions is not to lie down with his younger fling forever and always.  If he were completely honest, he would tell her so.  A young woman with many bills, an active lifestyle, and isn't interested in dating younger guys these days because she has needs that goes beyond the bedroom, is most likely not seeking a long-term commitment either especially if the mature man isn't offering much conversation or affection.  Both have immediate needs, but a long term future, not likely.

When we find ourselves seeking people who are mentally or physically unavailable (or maybe we are the ones guilty of this sort of behavior) and have no strong desire to be nothing more than bedroom partners, you have to wonder, "What is going on with me?"  It is better to be alone and content then to be with someone who is going to lie about loving his wife or be with a younger woman who just wants to manipulate men for selfish gain.  So much emotional energy wrapped up into something that has no solid foundation!  

Some couples in wishy washy relationships end up leaving them with a few mental marbles loose.  Words are exchanged during bedroom sessions that tickle ears and before long, a lover believes that something more might come out of this short-term fling only to be left heartbroken.  "We agreed, we wouldn't get serious, remember!?  I told you I am in a relationship, I have children!" the married man yells.  "But I love you and you said I was the best thing in your life!" the young woman cries.  "I know what I said, but that was when we were having sex!" her lover retorts.

I think of times during my past when I was misled into thinking that some men were sincerely into me and only me.  But later, I would learn that I was the alternative, the back up plan until cheating men would be welcomed back into the arms of their number one girls.  "Stupid me," I would think.  Assuming that a nice guy was right for me.  There is a whole lot more going on with nice guys besides what meets the eye--I am a witness!

There are those nice guys who are bad guys.  They seek out women who are willing to go out with them and eventually lay with them.  If she doesn't do what he wants on his time schedule, then she is marked as "hard to get" and then he is on to the next one.  Older, more experienced, men  are clever.  They will say just about anything to fulfill sexual needs.  I recall a man promise to let me stay at his large home with a pool and other amenities he thought I liked (mind you, I don't know how to swim, see how much he paid attention to me?)   He used what he had to lure me to come over an entertain him (yet some men don't want gold-diggers, why use your wealth to charm?)  I politely declined his request.  He had an impatient and irritated tone to his voice and lost my number.  That older man made his intentions clear and I made my boundaries clear.

Too many young women settle for foolishness for material wealth.  But one day, reality sets in and you find yourself looking in the mirror at your ugly self.  You start asking that immature woman inside of you the hard questions, "Why do I put myself through this?  Why can't I just sit back and enjoy my life for a bit; rather than worry over dates?"

Remember, once you see signs and listen closely to one's intentions while dating, you have a choice, either you will raise your red flag or you will give in.  If you should give in to a man or woman's demands, be prepared to enter a journey that you might or might not be ready for.  There will be surprises and they won't all be good.  There will be emotional highs and lows that might leave you feeling like you are out of control.  And, most of all, there will most likely be disappointments because you will quickly learn, the more you get to know someone, the more you realize sex isn't all you need.  Before long, you will be on that path of trying to break free from your lover which isn't always easy to do.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of When Mothers Cry, Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate and other books. 

Monday

Age Gap Relationships - Tips For Dating An Older Man | WeLoveDates

Here's an article worth sharing.  Although the information is similar to what I have here, I feel it is a friendly reminder for those young women interested in dating older men, enjoy!

Age Gap Relationships - Tips For Dating An Older Man | WeLoveDates

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