Thursday

The Unavailable Man

“What goes around comes around,” so the old saying goes. During my twenties, single and childless days in the 90s, I was approached by many family men. They thought they had it going on with their young wardrobe and lingo. They wanted to show me, who at the time was a hip woman back in the day, what they knew about my generation. I wasn’t necessarily turned on by the gray hair, the age mark here and there, and what I would call the “old man” odor, but I was turned on by their success. I wanted to learn a thing or two from these men, but I definitely didn’t want to be responsible for breaking up anyone’s happy home. These married men were slick back then and so I hear, the game hasn’t changed much. Taking off their rings, silencing their pagers and offering to take me to places far away from the city these were just a few things I experienced with older married men, I was still young so I had yet to learn the game.

When I did catch on, I used the knowledge I had learned and put one married man to the test. This slickster used his sister to call me, because he was busy with his wife. I didn’t know he was married until that phone call. I told her about herself and him and warned her to tell him never to call me again. Had I pursued a relationship with this attractive guy who had a great salary to go along with him, I would have been considered a home-wrecker. One battle was won, but there were more tests that I would face as I got older. I admit I had my share of wins, but I also had some situations that were too close for comfort and as I said earlier, “What goes around comes around.” Later, I would be cheated on by someone I once loved.

Flirting is harmful. Talking to a married man on the phone periodically about things non-related to business is not okay. Sitting down in a restaurant after work hours discussing everything but business is playing with fire. I honestly believe that some single women need to associate their struggles with relationships now with what they did in their heyday. Think: Did you go out with married men? Did you have an intimate relationship with these men? Back then you may have thought that your youth will stay with you, now some of you reading this are older and don’t feel or look as attractive, but are still attracting older men. Some have become a little absent-minded about the past and never talked to God about it or asked for his forgiveness. I know some people don’t believe in curses, but I think some of us have put curses on our own lives by what we say and do.

We may tell someone how we are such a great person and we could never do wrong, but behind closed doors we are calling ourselves an idiot and saying why we will never have a good relationship or never have children. Reverse the curse, my sister! You could be blessed if you were willing to say and do the deeds that would make you feel good about yourself, rather than do things that hurt you and others. Is it really that important to you to keep an unavailable man in your life? Do you really think that what he promises you will be achieved? Will you be content with what you have to do to keep his gifts coming? Nothing in life comes for free there is always a give and take relationship somewhere. What are you willing to risk to get what you want?

I know of women as I type who have sold their souls to the devil. They will do just about anything to get ahead. They love the fact that they don’t have children because it’s just one less obstacle they have to jump over to achieve fame and fortune. While they are fighting for a place, position, and/or power, they are teaching young girls to do exactly the same things they are doing to get ahead. Their actions say, “Sleep with the boss. Shake your behind and the money will come. Tell this man everything he wants to hear. Keep your mouth shut with this one and you will have favor with him even if he is wrong. Go with this man and he will take care of you. Smile this way, dress that way, talk this way…Change your hair color, straighten your curly hair…” You name it, whatever the magazine, television, agent, doctor, even their mother says to make them look and feel sexy and desired by the public, they will do it all the while getting hurt in the end. At some point someone is going to see Jezebel’s (an evil woman in the Christian Bible) flaws and expose them to the world and there she is at home sitting on the floor crying, depressed, wondering why her life has become such a mess. When you keep feeding the world garbage they are going to want more and more and more until you are spent! Eventually they will be taking the garbage out and dumping it into a grave until they can find "the next best…" You fill in the blank.

I have witnessed unavailable men seek after available women like pimps looking for hoes, because it’s an ego boost for them. They can spot a desperate woman a mile away and they work out their plan before she even looks their way. He knows that if he says all the right things and she behaves herself, he can have his way with her. But when she doesn’t, depending on how rich and powerful he is, he may drop her, take what he gave her back (or in some cases he may get a gift or two like a disease) or worse attempt to kill her. A woman who acts like trash gets treated like trash. If the woman is a mother, she may be spared the games, because she has innocent children that don't need to be caught up in drama, but a child-free slut doesn’t stand a chance. She can’t excuse her disgraceful actions with, “I did it for my kids.” What kids? “I did it because of love.” What relationship? “I did it because I wanted to get ahead.” Really, then the public will label you as a hoe or a selfish b*tch, take your pick. Meanwhile thinking, "What else will this slut do for the mighty dollar?" There she is the single, relationship and child-free woman being escorted to someone’s basement, office, car, garage, woods, ready to be sacrificed like an animal. If she does what she is told, she gets what she is asking for, but most likely her master, I mean old man, is going to tell his friends about her. If she doesn’t do what they ask of her then she will be hurt emotionally and/or physically. But if she is a good little hoe, she just might get some more bills paid.

Nicholl McGuire, author of Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate.

Monday

What to Do When a Man is Withdrawn & Emotionally Cold! This is Ultra Important For You

Many men are emotionally unavailable. They have a lot of excuses just to get away from creating any emotional intimacy with a woman. This is really sad especially if his partner feels the other way around. So here are some things women can do if his partner is emotionally unavailable.

First is to check your own behavior. Maybe you are just too busy concentrating on all his negative attributes that you missed out your own actions. Maybe, it was you who has the real problem and he is just acting out to make you realize it.

Next is to give him space. Maybe he can no longer breathe because you are already suffocating him with your presence. Give him some time to go out and have fun with his friends. Do not call or send him any messages when he is out enjoying a day without you.

Third, do not try to control him. Men hate it when their girl is too possessive or bossy. Let him have a voice in your relationship.

Fourth, do not try to change him because it can only make matters worse. Instead try to act like you support him, but gradually instill to him what needs to be changed. They hate it when women tell their flaws, let them change on his own.

Fifth is to let them see how good it feels when someone is emotionally available. Never think of revenge and make him feel what he has done to you. Instead show him how to be emotionally stable, let him see the good in it.

Sixth, is to expose him to couples or people who have a very strong bond to each other. Let him see how happy they are just by being in love and emotionally available. This will make him think about it and sooner or later apply it on your relationship.

Lastly, do not give up on him too easily. Give him a chance, maybe in time he will see the beauty of a serious relationship and would be ready to try it out. Maybe time is all he needs to finally take your relationship to the next level. Patience is a virtue, and sometimes a better life awaits those who are patient enough.

When a man is emotionally unavailable it is best to find out what made him act like that. This way you will understand him better and would know how to deal with him.

By Russell Jackson

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The Power of the Engagement Ring

A young woman who doesn't have much experience dating older men will be easily taken for a ride by a conniving older man. If sex is all he wants then he will do what it takes to get it. Nowadays it doesn't take much since so many desperate women are in need of company and cash and will do almost anything to get it! However, what if the older man falls in love with the younger woman, he will want to take the relationship to the next level and a promise of marriage just might do it! Just like young men who are riding on "the break up to make up roller coaster" seeking a way to buy more time, the older man with a plan is no exception! He realizes the older he gets the more challenging it can become to get a younger woman of his dreams. He may have messed up with a younger woman already and knows that he is at risk of losing her forever, that is until he sets his eyes on an engagement ring.

Some men use jewelry like a mother using a pacifier to quiet a baby. "One look at that diamond," he thinks "and she will stick around a little while longer." Maybe she will or maybe she won't. These days there are many women buying their own jewelry without a man, so he will have to bring more than just a ring, watch, bracelet, necklace or a pair of earrings to the relationship. Yet, some older men will still try anyway to keep their younger women by their side with gifts. The engagement ring is the most powerful of them all, because it tells a woman one thing, he is committed -- ready to marry! Some men will try to lessen the weight of its significance by calling it a "promise ring" or saying, "we don't have to rush about getting married..." when he says these kinds of things after giving it to his younger woman then she should immediately think, "He's not serious. He just wants to keep me around." A man who is sold out on a woman whether young, old, rich or poor won't drag anything out -- he will even suggest a date of marriage! A seriously committed man will do everything he can to make himself and his loved one very happy!

Men who are still boys will play games. They will say things they don't really mean. Make excuses as to why they aren't ready for commitment. Make no sacrifices for anyone no matter how much loved ones cry, complain, or moan about him "never being around, more focused on his career, always messing with different women, hanging out with friends" etc. Men who are ready for a real commitment won't debate about things like exs since they are a thing of the past, why pornography offends her, why she feels like she can't trust him, or why she believes that the engagement ring is just another one of his tricks. True men also known as good men don't have these kinds of dramas in their relationships, but boys do!

Well with all this said, hope you will think wisely before getting or receiving an engagement ring.

Nicholl McGuire is the creator of this blog and tweets periodically on http://twitter.com/datingdramas

Wednesday

The Older Men Who Rather Keep Their Secrets in The Dark About Dating a Younger Woman

Being online I have come across my share of older men who don't like my revealing the player strategies that some will use, the weaknesses that they attempt to try to cover up, or the lies that some tell younger women just so they can get sex, have a companion that would be willing to care for them, and other reasons they don't want to share.

Everyone has a motive as to why they want to be with someone. Some have lists while others just go with the flow. But whatever the reason, an older man feels compelled to have a younger woman, it should be honest and true. If you want a trophy piece its better to say so, then for her to find out that you aren't interested in a committed relationship the hard way. If you seek a younger woman, because you desire to be a father, she should know that, some women simply don't want children not now or anytime in their lives. The more open young, old, rich or poor couples are with one another, the better the relationship!

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Nicholl McGuire is the creator of this blog and enjoys providing tips to young women about what to expect when dating an older man.

Tuesday

Younger Women Dating Older Men

It is a known fact that women, in general, are attracted to older men and will date men that are a few years older than themselves. If a woman is thirty, she'll probably date a man in his forties and so on. So what is it that draws women to these older guys?

Most women will admit that they want a strong man who can stand his own ground and be confident; and generally speaking, many women appreciate the maturity of an older man. It's no secret that the qualities that women are looking for in their future husbands are the same qualities that men slightly older than them display. Most women assume that older men are well trained at being a gentleman, are more civilized and more capable of providing for and supporting whoever they are with. They also feel older men have probably been married or at least have gone through a lot of different relationships, have learned how to treat a woman and how to give her what she wants and/or needs.

When it comes to dating younger men, many women feel that these guys still have a sense of immaturity about them and that they don't know what it means to really treat a woman. It's a well-known fact that women mature faster than men, and if a woman wants to date an older guy, it's probably because she's had her fill of the 23-year-old party animal who still believes he's invincible and can't even remember her name. Mature, younger women, who are no longer interested in dealing with the games and attitudes of younger guys appreciate an older man's life experiences and the fact that they're over many of the games they may have played in their younger years. Also, if a younger woman is ready to start a family, she feels older men might settle down sooner.

In the discussion of older men younger women dating, there are some women who will argue that older men only ask them out because they take longer to grow up and mature or only want a trophy girlfriend on their arm to boost their ego. Another argument to dating younger women is that older men miss out on meeting a mature, wise and appreciative woman their own age. While this may be true in some cases, in reality, most older men who date younger women do so because they feel that women younger than them have more energy, spontaneity and less dating baggage. They simply want to feel rejuvenated and youthful again and make their sex life more adventurous.

The real disadvantages to this type of relationship for an older man dating a younger woman is that there may be a difference in the energy levels between the two of them. The age difference can cause a big difference in interests such as music, social activities and morals. If an older man doesn't keep up with the younger woman or perhaps loses his financial stability and/or health, a gold digger might lose interest in him and leave him rather quickly.

Ultimately, older men dating younger women must be able to deal with the attitudes of others who stare, those who comment about the age difference, the negative attitudes of those who just disapprove, and the many other challenges they may be faced with. Older men younger women dating can be wonderful as long as both of you know what you are looking for and where you want to go with it before you get too involved.

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Monday

Five Signs He is a Good Guy But Boring

So you met yourself a nice guy who seems to be plenty of fun for now, but how do you know that his good time is nothing but a show? What if you discover later that this guy is nothing more than a grandpa type sitting back in his rocking chair snoozing? Here's what you need to do to determine if your future is going to be dead or alive with this nice guy.

1. Listen to him when he tells you what life was like for him before you came along.
Now most women want to hear from their new partner, "I was just going about my days watching TV and wishing for someone like you." However, that should actually be a turn off to you! Here's why. If he didn't have a life before you then he won't have much of a life with you either especially after the newness of your dating relationship wears off. If you are an active woman, you want an active man!

2. He is often looking to you to make plans on what to do for entertainment.
You may enjoy planning everything now, but what happens when money woes become an issue later and he expects you to not only plan the date, but pay for everything too? Looks like the two of you won't be getting out much.

3. Whenever you talk to him about going places, he finds fault with your suggestions. This will get old with anyone. No one likes to be rejected or criticized for every interest they like. This is not only a sign that you have someone who isn't much on trying new things, but he may also be the controlling type -- better start distancing yourself!

4. He can't enjoy life without you. This seems flattering in the beginning of the relationship, but as you become more comfortable with this person, you will want to do some things without him too. If he starts showing signs now of clingy behavior, imagine what that might be like if you commit to him for a life time!

5. His idea of a good time seems to always be staying home. This is a clear indication that you have a future couch potato boyfriend and an insecure one too! The relationship might work if you are just like him, but if you are not, woe to you! Don't settle with someone who is already panting on the first lap! "I'm too tired to go out...didn't we go out last weekend."

Now that you have five signs this guy may be a future bore for the active you, don't do anything stupid like marry him! There are nice, genuinely active guys out there who don't have to put on an act.

Nicholl McGuire has past experience dating older men and online dating. She penned a new book entitled, Laboring to Love Myself and she tweets @datingdramas on Twitter.

Tuesday

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When He Thinks You Are Dumb

The day will come when your intelligence will be tested young woman. He will come to you with a little bit of wisdom -- a question that just might leave you guessing. It's not that he is playing games with your head, at least not at this point, but he is trying to determine can you walk with him long term.

You see, young woman, no man wants a dumb blonde on his arm for a lifetime, so to those of you who are acting -- stop it! Let your intelligence show before its too late! Just like in school your teacher gives you a pop quiz to see if you were paying attention, the older man will do the same. Sometimes he doesn't know that is what he is doing until after he realizes he has been asking the kind of questions of you that will help him make a decision whether you are wife material.

The one major thing that separates the mature woman from the younger woman is life experience. The mature woman will underestimate the young woman because she falsely assumes that all are "babies, stupid, wet behind the ears, don't know any better, still young." However, the mature woman has a rude awakening when she realizes she is out of the running when a young woman steps up to the plate and shows her that she knows a thing or two about life too.

Part of stepping up to the plate is concentrating on your man. Studying him like you would a text book and knowing how to answer his questions when the time comes. Some of his questions may be about your interests, your hopes for the future, how you feel about him, where do you see yourself in five years with him (or without him) and how do you feel about his family. Depending on how serious you are in your commitment to him will determine how you answer his questions. If he is nothing more than a friend (someone you haven't slept with) then answer the questions selfishly, because you aren't interested in a future with him. But if you love this man and you can't eat, drink, or sleep without him, then be careful! You don't want to scare him off by preaching about me and not we.

Be smart young woman and you will go far! But act dumb and all you will be is nothing more than a toy for an older man!

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Laboring to Love Myself, Amazon.com http://laboringtoloveanabusivemate.blogspot.com

Wednesday

Younger Women Watch Out for Jealous Women in Mid-life

You chose to date your older man and you and he feel good about being together. However, there is one group of women who despise you! The older women going through a midlife crisis of their own!

You may have already noticed the negative attitude of these women. They roll their eyes, they say condescending comments like, "Aren't you cute? You are so young. Aww your still a baby! You are like a little sister to me." No matter how nice they say these little statements, these women are insecure with your youth and God bless you if you are beautiful because no matter what you do, some of these women will find fault with you!

There is something that arises in us when the presence of a beautiful woman or handsome man walks into a room. We may adjust our clothing, look at ourselves in the mirror just a little longer, add just a tadbit more make up, or toss our hair just a little bit more. Some of us just don't know how to behave around nice-looking people especially insecure women!

You are a light in that older man's eyes and you are also a dagger to those women in his family and those he has befriended who are insecure. Therefore, knowing this, be careful what you say to these women. Avoid talking about your man negatively to them. And most of all, when you are being disrespected by them, communicate that to your man. Some older men will not tolerate such foolishness, others will defend their family and friends or find excuses for them. The latter action is sad and unfortunately may make matters worse in your relationship. Both of you need to be in support of one another especially when their are jealous women in the midst.

It may be hard for him to realize his beloved sister or best friend is actually an un-supportive, jealous, insecure (you fill in the blank) and even if he doesn't believe it now, what is in darkness will come to light! If you believe in a greater power do the following: pray about your relationship, how you deal with matters as they arise, and believe that God will make your enemies your footstool!

Be encouraged!

Nicholl McGuire is the creator of this blog and the author of Laboring to Love Myself and Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate located at Amazon.com.

Younger Women Dating Older Men - Why May-December Relationships Are Doing So Well These Days

Women in their 20s are becoming very frustrated these days about the current dating scene and there are many reasons for this. One reason is men in their 20s have become very immature compared to how they used to be 20 to 50 years ago. Back then, men were not only more romantic but also concentrated their efforts on courting one woman. For instance, the men used to walk up to a woman's doorstep with a nice bouquet of roses in one hand and chocolates and the other. Don't get me wrong, I'm not focusing on material gifts here, but more so on the effort that man used to give when they were interested in a woman. These days young men just skip the roses and focus all of their efforts into trying to get women in bed. They don't want a relationship, and all they care for is to try to get as much short-term pleasure out of these dates as possible. In other words, men in this age group have become very shallow and self-serving.

Younger women dating older men find that these men are much more mature than the younger guys and know how to treat a lady right. Right off the bat older men are much more caring and communicative on the date. They will start by asking a woman to tell them anything about herself. They want to know what her goals and dreams are, and they will be attentive enough to try to help in any way they can. If you ask any young woman, they will say that communication is the key to keeping a relationship strong. Older men understand this also because they have already been through their immature and selfish years and truly understand how special a monogamous relationship really is.

In a May-December relationship the older man not only can keep up with the younger women in bed, but can also hold his own as far as doing the chores around the house, paying bills and taking care of children. Not only are these kinds of relationships on the rise, but they will be here to stay for a long time.

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