The Older Man Syndrome

What are our views on dating someone who is about ten and more years older than us? Is it an issue we focus on? Is age the issue or do we look at the mechanics of the man involved?

In my philosophy of thinking, age is just a number. It doesn’t attach itself to any man thing, or importance. There are mature men at fifty, and there are immature men at sixty. Where does that leave us?

I dated a man who was eleven years older than me, and it was great for the moment. The man had wisdom all over the place. It got to a point that he was taking his wisdom and running all over the place with it, and driving me to drink. I was truly in need of a Matai and then some.

The fact that he was so much older than me he thought he had the key to the world and then some. He treated me like I was his daughter, and he was my father. We also have to realize that a man who is ten years older than someone is under the assumption that he’s the king of the castle, and you will worship the ground he spit on. I think not!

My man was living in the 21st century, but he was still hibernating in the prehistoric days where the dinosaurs ruled the world and then some. He had this concept that men were still the chief at arms, and when I say do something, or don’t do something, you obey, follow, and give me the respect I deserve and then some. I knew at this precise moment that my man was going to be my eliminated man.

Now don’t get me wrong because my man had some perks which attracted me to him, but the issues of being the dominant factor in the relationship bordered on the ridiculous and then some.

1. No one told me what to do because I was truly a grown woman.

2. There were no masters and kings in this day and age.

3. The man and woman are on equal levels.

4. Respect is given and received.

5. You are not my father, and I am not your mother.

An older man is stuck in his ways and this is an understatement thank you very much. He was built with these factors, and no amount of loving, good sex, convincing and persuading will change his mind. It was going to be his way, and if you think that you can change a man, then forget about it. No amount of anything would change his mind. If you gave him one million dollars, you still wouldn’t be able to float his boat around to your thinking. It was truly out of the question.

My concept on older men is that they are wiser in the ways of the world, but they have their faults just like men my age, and younger men. Older men are more established in their employment, and money. My man had just retired from the CTA, so he was bent on doing some of the things he loved doing, but couldn’t do because he was working. Of course my retired man got exhausted, and he ended up going back to work on a part-time basis.

So would you date an older man? I think it depends on the man and not the age of the man. It also depends on the level of your competence in this relationship.

1. Are you willing to handle an older man and his faults?

2. Are you okay with his domination?

3. Are you contented with him treating you like a child, or his daughter?

4. Can you live with his prehistoric ways?

5. Is he sweet, loving, and kind, and you can over look his faults?

6. Do you love him?

7. Does he love you?

8. Is the relationship going anywhere?

9. Is marriage down the line?

10. Does he treat you like a queen?

If you answered yes to most of these questions, or all of them, then your older man is worth it and then some. Forget about his mindless ways, and celebrate the loving he brings to your relationship. Remember age is only a number, and what do we really care about numbers? Sisters we want the love of a good man, and older men bring it on. I think I can handle you.

By Carol Ann Culbert Johnson
I am 43 years old, and my passion is writing. I love it. Please check out my website at http://www.freewebs.com/jcarolann and enjoy the ride

Tips For Dating Older Men - Issues That Can Harm Your Relationship

Are you in a relationship with someone older than yourself or contemplating starting one? If you are, then there are some tips for dating older men that you should keep in mind. There's nothing wrong with being attracted to older guys, but there are some issues that you should be aware of so that they don't affect your relationship.

If you're sensitive to criticism or negative remarks from others, then developing a thick skin is one of the best tips for dating older men. Your friends and family might not be thrilled with your choice. They might try to talk you out of continuing the relationship or persuade you not to pursue one in the first place. They can give you all the well-meaning advice they want, but ultimately, this is your life and your decision to make. Don't let these comments get to you or interfere with your relationship. Have confidence in yourself and the choices you make, so that you can enjoy your life.

If your older man has children, this could present an awkward situation for you. If his children are close to your age, they might not appreciate your presence or they might feel threatened by it. Since you're all adults, you should be able to talk these things through in a mature manner. You shouldn't have to put up with any rudeness on their part. Be open to discussion in order to clear the air. Letting hostility or resentment build up can cause some serious damage to your relationship. You don't want your man to feel that he has to choose between you or his children.

Among all the helpful tips for dating older men that you'll find, learning how to compromise is one of the most effective for maintaining a strong relationship. Although you might share a lot in common, be prepared to make some serious changes to your lifestyle when it comes to how you spend time together. He might not have the energy to keep up with a hectic dating schedule, and you might find yourself feeling bored with some of the places he takes you to. This is where compromise comes in handy. You can take turns figuring out when and where you would like to spend time together so that you can both enjoy each other's company without getting frustrated.

There are several other tips for dating older men or to attracting them in the first place, that will also help you enjoy a strong, healthy relationship. Being aware of these is essential in order to avoid problems that could arise. Remember that this is your life and you have the right to make your own decisions, but also remember that there are certain issues associated with the choices you make that could interfere with your happiness.

Need some more advice on maintaining a healthy relationship? These tips for dating older men or attracting them in the first place are important to know so that you can both be happy and stay that way for a long time! http://www.relationshipguide.org/howtoattractmen

By Anna M Jones

Be Patient: You'll Find Him or He'll Find You

When I started dating older men back in my twenties, I had no idea what to expect. I was unaware of the male midlife crisis. I knew nothing about andropause. These were all hormonal related issues that men went through and I didn't know that I could possibly be a product of their mid-life crisis.

Anyway, I wondered what to expect dating men with thinning hair, grey hair sprouting from here there and everywhere. It was an adjustment every time I dated an older man. Like men, I too am a very visual creature and I had to put aside my personal hang-ups and see the man for who he really was -- a human being, period.

The mature men I met were really no different than the younger men except that they were more stable in their finances, moved a little slower, seemed to hold an intelligent conversation, and really seemed to be into me. I didn't have to worry too much about the wandering eye and the short attention span of a younger beau.

As I learned more and more about these older men, at times I was impressed with their knowledge and other times I felt that I acted more mature than they. I met my share of irresponsible older men, the kind who acted like they had it together, but in reality they didn't. The older women had pushed them out of their lives and now they were desperately seeking anyone who would put up with them. Those men were such a disappointment. I would think, "You decided to reach 40 plus years and act like a fool! You still have nothing to show for your life." In time, I learned more about the mid-life crisis that older men faced and it wasn't any wonder that some was looking for anyone and anything to make them happy.

So what do I want young women to know about older men? Well I say plenty on this blog, but for now one thing you need to know is to be patient.

That's right be patient in any and everything you do when involving yourself with a mature man. If you don't have much dating experience, you will find that he can easily do things to make you feel like he is the best thing since slice bread; however, one day in the midst of feeling in love, his emotions can come crashing down, leaving you feeling broken and depressed asking, "What happened? I thought he loved me!" Some of these men are only in love with the idea of being with a young woman, but not committing to her for a lifetime. Besides if you are a beautiful, energetic woman who clearly has a life and he is the total opposite, he knows that eventually you will meet someone better than him, so he will attempt to end the relationship especially if you aren't acting that interested in him.

Know what you are getting yourself into when seeking out a man half your age or more. He is coming with years of experience and baggage. You may admire his intellect at first, but later it may grow on your nerves because he knows so much more than you. There are times that you might question whether you are with this man because you have some kind of daddy hangups. Maybe daddy wasn't in your life, he didn't seem to care about you, he didn't love you and so fourth. If this is you and you look to your older man to fulfill the role of your dad, then you are headed for trouble! No man can or will replace the love of dad, no man!

When you are ready to take your relationship with an older man to the next level, do heed the advice of the women and men around you. Chances are they all grew up around the same time. So they have a pretty good idea what his mentality may be like particularly if he had a dad in his life. As the old adage goes, "It takes one to know one." The men "back in the day" are much different than the men of today. Women were not as independent as they are nowadays. A man who saw his dad and mother interact from yesteryear, may expect you to be the docile, submissive wife. If you know you couldn't ever be docile or submissive then pick a man your own age or one who can accept you for who you are.


Nicholl McGuire
http://www.twitter.com/nichollmcguire

Stop Being Shy - Quick and Easy Tips

In the current atmosphere around us, most of the people have very healthy amounts of boldness and any person, who is even the least bit shy, loses on many things in life. If you too wish to stop being shy and be able to live the life the way it is meant to be, some conscious effort is required on your behalf. The biggest step was agreeing to the fact that you after all are really shy and seeking for ways online to help you with your condition. Now comes the easy part. All you need do is follow some very simple suggestions to finally bring your life on the right track.

Being myself very shy right up to three months ago, I know how it feels when in company, especially when in front of a person of opposite sex, my tongue used to literally wrap round itself. Then I learned to take advantage of my condition rather than be affected adversely by it. With a few simple suggestions made to me by a successful friend, I was able to overcome my lack in confidence.

The first thing you should do is to speak up. Usually people are unable to speak up in front of other people because nothing really comes up in their mind. Prior decision would be recommended for you in such cases. Practice some common conversations beforehand along with some hot topics.

Telling others about your weakness may also help immensely, not only do people treat shy people specially but also try help them out in other ways like recommending them to some other people.

Who knows that someone you are being recommended to is also shy? But you would still be better off because of your prior practice is some hot topics, something which was recommended earlier.

The last and most effective resort is also the most obvious, have a glass or too of some wine. It helps a lot in loosening up of shy tongues. So just follow these suggestions and you will be able to reintegrate yourself in life.

Get more help to stop being shy with these overcoming shyness tips. http://helpanswer.com/tips-for-overcoming-shyness

They Have Their Days Too...Andropause & PMS...Uh oh!

While you are having your bouts with PMS, he is having his issues with andropause. In case you didn't know, that is the proper name for mid-life crisis. Now some so-called experts won't take the male mid-life business seriously, rather they will attribute men's issues to outside influences like work, family, and money. But if you have dated older men for any length of time, then you know there is more going on within than on the outside.

The older man will have various mood swings due to a number of factors such as low testosterone, bad eating habits, and a lack of exercise. Some get older and aren't always mindful of their body odors. Whatever the older man's problem, the reality is he can get on your nerves! His impatience, anger outbursts, silent treatment, and myopic behaviors can send you packing! Understanding tends to go out the younger woman's head when she too is going through her set of woes.

We all know what to do with his and her bath towels, but many of us don't have a clue what to do with his and her mood swings. Here are a few tips I have had to learn the hard way over the years.

1. Do something else besides have sex. If you are in a relationship with an older man that seems to be moving fast, so fast that you can't seem to come up for air between love-making sessions, put some distance between the both of you by doing something else that has absolutely nothing to do with him. I'm sure he can understand why you wouldn't want intimacy while going through PMS and your cycle. If not, then you will want to question what kind of man you got yourself hooked up with. (When I dated an older man who was abusive, he found it difficult giving me my space during my time of the month. That was a good sign he was not a compassionate person, but I was too awe struck on looks and stability to see the signs.)

2. You don't have to commit because he told you that he loves you. From the ex-wife to the children from a previous relationship, I'm sure you are the next best thing since sliced bread and because of that you can afford to take your time.

When committing to any man with a past that is walking and breathing, it can be difficult to accept everything that goes with it. If you sincerely feel that accepting him along with his baggage is too much, do converse with him about your feelings before you decide to break off the relationship and not during PMS.

3. When he is in one of his moods ask, "Is there anything I can do for you?" but don't ask when you are in a bad mood yourself, because it will most likely come out like this, "What's wrong with you? Why aren't you talking to me...Are you having one of your senior moments?" Although asking him what's on his mind doesn't always work, at least take the time out to let him know you care. He may not be ready to talk, but at some point he just might open up. When he does decide to share his thoughts, try hard to make him feel comfortable expressing them without becoming emotional. I know it can be difficult especially if he is being critical of you, but try anyway even if it means you just sit there and look at him.

Well, I hope the two of you have a good month...wish me well too!


Nicholl McGuire
http://associatedcontent.com/nichollmcguire

Just Because He's Older Doesn't Mean He is Responsible

There are many older men who are indeed responsible, financially comfortable, and energetic, but there are others who are the complete opposite. You would think that at 40 plus years old, he would have his life on track but not necessarily. For some men, they actually act worse the older they get. They make poor decisions that cost them what little savings they have. The fast life they lived in their 20s and 30s catches up to them and by the time they are in their 40s and 50s they can't even open a department store credit card much less buy you a ring.

Some younger women don't want to face the reality that they got themselves hooked up with a loser! They lie or cover up about their older man's job and/or bank account because they don't want to be ridiculed. Its embarrassing enough for some younger women to be walking with someone that looks older than their dad, but doing better than their older counterpart, well that just doesn't look good!

The key is to learn as much as you can about the man you are potentially thinking about having a serious relationship with and whether or not you can handle the debt you and he may have if you two get together.

Some things you may want to look out for while dating him include:

The kind of entertainment. If he frequently suggests staying home watching a movie or going to a local fast food restaurant, he is carefully watching his money for a reason. Some men are frugal while others are just broke.

Where he shops and where he suggests you shop. Discount and thrift stores are definitely not places to impress someone he doesn't know that well. But if he does this to you, he is letting you know he is thrifty and may have his share of money problems.

The gifts he gives. You may have suggested jewelry, but he brought a six pack of your favorite drink and a book. Something is definitely wrong with this picture. It wasn't a moment of absentmindness, he deliberately went the cheap route, because he simply can't afford you.

Put off committing to any man who is financially unstable, you can do bad all by yourself!

10 Mistakes Young Women Make When Getting Involved with Older Men

10 Mistakes Young Women Make When Getting Involved with Older Men

Time to Show Off Your Younger or Older Mate for the Holidays

The day will soon be here! You will be making a statement whether you know it or not when you bring your new mate home for the holidays. So what do you say? What will they say? How will you react? What do you think your partner will do? So many questions, so little time. Let's talk about the dos and don'ts.

1. Do stay positive.

Although some will not favor your choice in a mate whether to your face or behind your back, ignore the looks and address negative comments, but always remember why you love your partner!

2. Do your homework before you and your date arrive to the family function.

Find out from relatives and friends what the mood is like before you arrive. If there is alot of tension about your decision, find somewhere else to spend the holidays.

3. Do avoid family disagreements.

You may be accustomed to arguing with certain family members and friends about one thing or another, try not to. You don't want to give your partner the wrong impression. Also, he or she may already feel tensed being around people he or she doesn't know, so try to keep conversations light.

4. Do respect your partner's feelings.

When your partner says, "I think we should go...I don't feel comfortable..." Don't make a scene. Politely excuse yourself when the opportune time comes and find out what occurred away from the site so as not to draw attention to the two of you.

5. Don't act bossy, know-it-all, negative, toward your partner in front of your family.

Sometimes we tend to tell our partners everything about everything when we are around people we know and we may even act a little different. Check your attitude and be sure you are putting your best foot forward not only with everyone else, but more specifically your partner.

6. Don't leave your partner alone with family for long periods of time.

Family have a way with words once you leave your partner alone. If you know you have difficult, negative relatives and friends, don't leave your partner alone with these people.

7. Don't allow your family to disrespect your partner.

Age is nothing but a number, but for some it is more than that and they may not hesitate to let everyone know how they feel. Don't stand there and let the relative or friend tell you and your partner off.

8. Don't feel tempted to joke about age or appearance with others.

Sometimes people will give into jokes because they want to go along just to get along. If you are in the relationship for the long haul, you don't want to set a precedence from the beginning that says, "I don't care..." when you know that you or your date really does care. Cut the joking off from the beginning and everyone will know where you stand.

Now that you have your tips for the holidays, enjoy! If things take a bad turn, try not to break your relationship off with your mate until you are certain he or she is not the one, not because of pressure or negative reaction from family and friends.

The Appeal Of Older Men

While mulling over what to talk about in my last blog, my husband had a suggestion I found irresistible! More joking than serious, he said, “Why don’t you talk about the sex appeal of older men, and call it ‘Who’s Your Daddy’?”

He never thought I would take him seriously. Well, as you can see, I did. By older, I am specifically talking about men past fifty. Yes, I have an eye for young stud puppets, cut and lean sex machines! But many of those to die for men look that way to attract other men. Although nice to ogle, it’s rather like pressing your nose against the candy store window. Drooling over the goodies is as far as you get.

The rugged virility I am talking about in older men I know about first hand. Working in the shipping industry as long as I have, I know sailors. These are not Navy sailors, they are Merchant Mariners. They have spent a good part of their lives on commercial ships, sailing all over the world. Once they came ashore, they continued to work with ships in a variety of roles.

Because of the requirements of my job, I have to travel occasionally. I have been to Singapore, Tokyo, Copenhagen, Barcelona and Norway. In all of these places, I have met sailors. I’ve talked to them, drank with them and been accepted by them. They’ve told me stories that have made me laugh until the tears ran. In fact, I’m writing an anthology called Hello, Sailor which will be released sometime in 2008. It is a collection of three novellas based upon the stories I’ve been told by my sailor friends.

These men are career mariners. They are strong individuals, free wheeling, opinionated, wickedly funny, and sexy. Most of all – God bless them – they LOVE women! You might be surprised to hear that they not only love women, they respect women. Of course they tell dirty jokes! They’re sailors after all. But whenever I have socialized with them, individually or in a group, I am treated with such courtesy it borders on gallantry. Not even my husband (don’t tell him I said this!) is as courteous and mannerly as they are.

They aren’t pretty boys. Far from it. They carry themselves with an aura of masculinity that can only be achieved with years of self sufficiency. Being a sailor is not an easy life. Hard work and hard living show on their faces, rugged character etched in every line. Perhaps they wouldn’t be considered classically handsome. They are nonetheless attractive in their manliness, maturity and individuality.

In our youth oriented culture, it is a refreshing reminder to know that sex appeal doesn’t diminish as the birthday candles increase. Both men and women remain sexual beings for as long as the fire burns inside. I have every intention of keeping my fire stoked for many more years. I think my sailor friends feel the same way.

As a final note, the piece below eloquently summarizes how I feel about my life, and my writing.

In 1981, Lena Horne did a one woman Broadway show called “Lena Horne – The Lady and her Music.” In the show, she referred to herself as a late bloomer. I find I am appreciating her comment more now than I ever have before.

Early in the show, she sang her signature song “Stormy Weather”, much like she sang it in the movie. Late in the show’s second half, she announced her next number by saying ‘’I had to grow into this song.’’

And then what does she do? She sings ‘’Stormy Weather’’ all over again. Only this time she sings it as if she had just grown into it, as if she had never sung it before. The words poured out of her, with a gospel fervor that covered her, and the audience, with sweat and tears.

I am growing into my song as Lena did hers, learning to sing it all over again, in a new way, with a new perspective. Who knew it could be this good!


P. F. Kozak has had a unique perspective on sexuality since she discovered playing doctor, long before puberty. With the publication of her books it is real, and it is only just beginning. Visit pfkozak.com

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