Friday

Dating Older Men - No Longer Something the Young Woman Wants to Do

She started off thinking it was a wise decision to date someone older since she was quite mature for her age.  However, in time she realized that her attraction to older men wasn't really her own, but the persuasion of charmers is what captivated her. 

She talked herself into dating them.  There was the lawyer, a truck driver, a Marine, a businessman, a limo driver, a security officer, a computer technician and others--too many to count.  She was thrilled by their conversation, flattered by the time they were willing to spend with her, and excited to see that they weren't like the younger men who she dated that didn't have "a pot to piss in."

As she grew older, she realized that if she was going to have a quality relationship with someone, her connections would have to be closer to her own age, but all she seemed to attract were men who were 10 plus older than her.


You see, some young women reason that dating older is a great idea until they are impacted by the highs and lows that come with getting older.  They start to see their fathers and grandfathers in some of these men--often tired, difficult, stubborn, arrogant, or even bitter about getting older.  They give their wives and children hell too!  But the young lady says to herself, "But that is mom's relationship...and I don't think my date will act like my dad, grandfather or uncles..."  That is until the older suitors start exhibiting similar signs. Uh oh!  The power and control that many older men show toward their younger partners is not so attractive after all.  Care turns into possession.  Love turns into hate.  Patience turns into irritability.  Peace turns into chaos and some of you readers know the rest.  If you have ever been abused by an older or even a younger man, you know how the story goes, "When we first met, it was wonderful...he was such a gentleman...but then..."

There is an emotionally and/or physically abused young woman somewhere that is no longer finding dating older men fun, interesting or beneficial.  She has watched far too many times what appears to be a gentleman turn into a tyrant.  She has ached on the inside for every time she was rejected, cheated on, disrespected, and wounded once again by someone who is supposed to know better.  "He's older...he should know how to treat a woman.  He has a daughter for God sake!  Why does he treat me like this?  He reminds me so much of...what was I thinking!" she cries.

If you are that older man with a younger woman who is detecting that your on again off again girlfriend is losing interest in you, let her go--let her go.  This is when your maturity needs to kick in.  You might even want to consider taking a break from dating the young ladies especially when you have a long pattern of striking out with them--the arguments, silent treatment, spoiled girl behaviors, etc. 

The young lady has a long life ahead and chances are she has come to the realization that she is either better off alone or with someone closer to her age that she has more compatible interests.  But breaking up for good can be quite the challenge if one is still emotionally and physically tied to someone.  Holding on to an attractive young woman like a trophy piece will only make her feel worthless in time, because she knows that the connection is not what it appears to be--it's all just a fantasy; one that she no longer wants to play a part in.  There are older men who merely want young women for trivial reasons and vice versa.  True love goes beyond the flesh and material interests.

A young woman who has made up in her mind that dating older is no longer what she wants to do is liberating herself to explore her world with someone who can better relate one day.  It happens, people change. The young woman should give herself permission to move on, and as stated before, and so should the older man.

Nicholl McGuire

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