Saturday

Disgruntled Ex, Unhappy Dating Younger, Older

They don't like it, they despise it, exes angry that their former partners have moved on with someone younger.  They thought that the marriage or relationship was going to last, "meant to be" and then things changed.  Now exes are disgruntled, jealous, and even plotting revenge!  How does someone in an age gap relationship handle an ex along with the family members and mutual friends who support him or her?

You will need to make it clear you are no longer interested in a relationship with an ex.  Some people just don't give up easy, so they will beg, plead, or even make a nuisance of themselves with "Remember when..." stories and "You know you still love me" types of phrases.  Yet, the truth is you want to get as far away from an ex as possible, right?  If not, don't play mind games with your current partner or else you lose.  For example, young, attractive women know they can replace older partners with ease. If an older man is still in love with an ex or is still caught up with an ex's sweet words and other niceties, then he needs to take the time to figure out his situation alone and disconnect from a current partner until he knows what he wants to do.  Stringing anyone along who you are unsure of while masking true feelings will cause much stress for the both of you.

Distance yourself emotionally and physically from exes.  This takes time but it can be done.  Don't discuss your personal life, decisions, or future with an ex.  He or she is really not your friend no matter how much you both might say you are.  What usually happens is a line or boundary you or an ex established is crossed sooner or later and when this happens whether a former partner was cross with you or flirtatious, you will experience guilty feelings, anger, and most likely will take your suppressed emotions out on your current partner.  Your unsuspecting and confused partner will not understand what is going on with you and your behavior just might lead to a major falling out or worse break up.

The phone conversations, invites to a meal, special events, and more cause unnecessary drama for new couples when exes are still around.  When you have children with an ex, you can still remain respectful but distant by not sharing details about your new life no matter how nosey or so called "caring" your ex is about you.  Oftentimes people use children as an excuse to keep an ex close or keep some kind of control over them.  Don't fall for the manipulation, rise above it and consult with an attorney or law enforcement if your ex is acting abusively or threatening to you or your new partner.

A new partner is only able to tolerate so much from a former partner or many.  You shouldn't expect him or her to be understanding when you still have unresolved issues with an ex or exes.  Always take care of your problems before you enter a new relationship and manage them while you are in one.  New relationships are challenging enough and the last thing anyone wants is a disgruntled, miserable, seductive, or vengeful ex around.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men and She's Crazy.  Get your copy today!

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