Tuesday

Being Overweight and Obese Affects Relationships Sooner or Later

We can convince ourselves all we want that being overweight or simply fat is unimportant like we do when we say, "Age is nothing but a number." Yet, health issues are important as indicated in other blog posts on this site and when you are in denial, you only make matters worse for you and those you claim to love.

There isn't anything sexy about a man or woman who can't walk very far, doesn't enjoy periodic sex due to health issues, and makes excuses as to why he or she refuses to improve one's self.  Then throw in unflattering clothing, a body odor and mood swings due to weight related problems.

I think of a man who was quite small in stature who dated and eventually married an obese woman.  Both are now deceased (RIP), but I learned a thing or two from observing those two.  Love didn't conquer the wife's obese issue.  The man acted impatient and mean-spirited to her.  He had his drinking problem and she had her overeating challenges before the pair met one another.  In time, the slim alcoholic cheated on her with other women who didn't look anything like her while she kept right on buying, cooking and eating her comfort foods.  The large woman, who later separated and then divorced her cheating husband, wasn't in denial about her weight issue, but rather than stay on top of improving herself, she sought the attention of men who would accept her just the way she was.  Needless to say all she got was friendship with one.

For the singles, keep searching for someone who is accepting of your weight issue, but keep in mind that at some point in the relationship, you and your future partner will have to face reality regardless of what motivational speakers and books say in their attempt to make you feel good about eating badly and being phat (fat). 

An overweight person comes with his or her share of challenges and just because he or she doesn't have symptoms now doesn't mean they won't ever. According to medical reports here's what to look out for:  type 2 diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure, nonalcoholic fatty liver disease (excess fat and inflammation in the liver of people who drink little or no alcohol), osteoarthritis (a health problem causing pain, swelling, and stiffness in one or more joints), some types of cancer: breast, colon, endometrial (related to the uterine lining), and kidney stroke.  Add sexual issues for some to this list.  Due to the weight, an obese person is limited to what he or she can do.  Sometimes it is hit or miss when trying to make a partner reach orgasm because he or she tires quickly.  You can learn more about overweight and obesity related issues here.

With so many symptoms related to eating one's favorite comfort foods far more than necessary, how might these health ailments impact one's age gap relationship?  Not only is the young woman dealing with the aging processing of her older partner, but his weight issues too.  Then again, it may be the other way around, the mature man having to remind his younger companion to stop eating so much.
When one is battling with weight loss, he or she isn't going to be the nicest person to be around.  The individual will have his or her share of mood problems, hunger pains, and frustrations while expecting one's partner to be more understanding.  The person may not be in the mood for sex due to strenuous workouts leaving muscles sore or a lack of exercise while body weight continues to increase. 

Sometimes people start off well eating healthy and exercising, but once they feel comfortable in a relationship, they let themselves go.  This is when the arguments increase.  Let's face it who we were attracted to initially is what we hope to see for as long as we are in a relationship with her or him.  But if we can't stand change, then we aren't going to do so well especially if we are hung up on appearance.  The person may lose the weight, but then he or she may not.  What will you do?

So before you shrug your shoulders and say, "I don't care that he (or she) is overweight..." think again particularly if you pride yourself on being physically fit or you are working hard to lose the weight.  Some men think they can change women and some women think they can change men.  Well in a May-December romance, it is going to be quite difficult to teach a stubborn old dog new tricks.



Nicholl
Twitter @bodyhealthnews

Monday

Older Men - Is Your Age Starting to Get the Best of Your Younger Partner?

Okay so the thought of the older guy getting older is no big deal for some young women, but for others, it is a big deal.  The grim thoughts of what a future may "look" like is important to those women who grew up in families where appearance is everything, fitness is essential, and being with a good provider for one's beloved daughter/sister/niece is weighty.  Oh yes, the older man must step it up in order to remain relevant in the beautiful young lady's life otherwise he runs the risk of being left behind.


Now there are those young women who view love, compassion, respect, and kindness toward their older partners significant in order to make a relationship work, that is when they receive such positive behaviors in return.  However, older women who have been in marriages 10 plus years with partners who are seniors (and not coping so well with midlife) know better that there are days when being nice, patient, and sweet is not what they would say about them.  "He has his days," says one unnamed older woman.  But in all fairness, women have their days too at any age, but this post isn't about them.  So we will stick to discussing those issues that young women have with their older partners maturing.

One young lady reached out to me about a year ago complaining about the lack of sex in her relationship and she was disappointed that her partner wanted less sex.  There was an age difference of 16 years from what I recall.  Then another woman said the same thing about her older partner and then another and another with one sharing quite boldly, "There was no sex and she was considering on having an affair."  What the?  I started thinking there was an epidemic-- little or no sex!?  Now in each situation, the men didn't express any emotional or physical problems to their partners, but with the sheer amount of advertising for male supplements, it is safe to say a lot is going on with men like women. 

Think about this, if an older guy expects a young, attractive woman with a healthy sex drive to be celibate in a marriage or committed relationship while claiming there is nothing wrong with him, someone is asking for trouble.  The cover up is to blame the woman for everything that is wrong.  "We didn't get along...Your mother was difficult.  She had problems.  She didn't want sex.  I tried to be affectionate, but she didn't respond." says dad/uncle/friend.  When the truth is the old guy wasn't putting out--taking care of his woman and she reached that point of frustration where she just couldn't take the b.s. any longer!  Just be honest.  Throw in cheating on the lady and it doesn't help matters, because the old guy will soon discover he doesn't have it going on with the new gal either!

  

For years, a male relative blamed all the women who came and went out of his life for the relationship's demise, but we knew he was the problem.  There were old, young, light, dark, tall, skinny, fat, from city to country, with children and without--a lot of women.  As children we called them, "Ms. or Miss..."  He dressed up his problem with designer suits.  He detailed his cars to lure women.  He took the women to nice places and traveled with them.  And he still couldn't keep any for long until he got older and played the "poor old guy" card with one gullible, young woman.  She stuck around for less than 10 years and played nurse to him for a small stipend.  Eventually his young partner became very ill herself and passed away.  The moral to that story I had learned was don't ever assume that because you are younger you will outlive your gentleman friend.

Some older men will complain like older women about not being in the mood.  Understandably so. The aging process is hellish for some couples especially when they don't take care of themselves like: forgetfulness, chronic pain, mood swings, irritability, impatience, anger outbursts, etc.  But my question to older men, who know they have issues, why rob a young woman of her youthfulness just to temporarily feel good while telling the guys, "Hey I got a young wife/girlfriend/mistress?"  Act wise and let her go freely rather than act selfishly.  As I said in a past blog entry, sooner or later that young lady will wake up to the truth and when she does, she will resent you for the false promises, lies, and other things you claimed you could do for her, but chose not to. 

Don't wonder why the following occurs in an age gap relationship:  increase in arguing with the young lady, anger because you don't like to do much, eye rolls from her family, the sudden rise of tension between what use to be a happy couple, and the mean-spiritedness she has toward you that seems to appear out of thin air with no rhyme or reason.  Getting older is the last thing a young woman is thinking about, but when she is paired with an older man who is slowly or rapidly changing, it forces her to face something she rather not.  "Where did time go?" she thinks.  "And what was I thinking getting involved with an older man?  I should have listened to my parents...grandparents...friends!"  Now off she goes hoping/wishing/waiting for anyone or anything to make her feel young and beautiful again.  Note:  All young women don't run to the arms of younger men.

When age related symptoms start growing like weeds and the one with the most issues chooses to do nothing about them, expect to get what you pay or don't pay for--problems.  The idea that someone is getting older affects all who are close to them.  Think of how it made you feel to see your parents, siblings, and other relatives age, what might the young lady be going through?  Are you making it any easier for her to adjust?

Nicholl McGuire

Thursday

Is Not Listening to Tips, Concerns and Suggestions Contributing to Your Relationship Problems?

Intimate relationships were never meant to be handled like an inactive suggestion box. So why do we do it? Why do we state our every concern, suggestion, and problem to our partners only for them to just sit in the suggestion box locked away. You may have a box at work filled with all sorts of tips, concerns and problems to get the company moving in the right direction this year, but you never bother to open it or tell those in authority to open it. Why have a suggestion box at work or at home and you never do anything with it?


At home we most likely don’t have a tip box, but we give our concerns and suggestions as we walk by one another, sit down at a meal, or in between commercials in front of the television screen. He hears you and you hear him, but what comes of the conversation, my friend? Do you plan, make changes and set dates to get things done? Does he strategize to do anything differently? The answer to these questions is most likely not, because if you did you wouldn’t have as many relationship problems as you do. Some of you wouldn’t post on sites like popular social networking site, Facebook, under relationship status “complicated.” Your concerns, suggestions, and tips have been falling on deaf ears for days, weeks, even decades. What will it take to make something happen in your relationship? What will you have to do to see to it that everything you and your partner discussed gets done?

The best way to teach someone is by example. If there is something he or she is doing that you don’t like, you have to be the example. You get out there and get the support you need for your own habits. You start making the changes on the outside and inside that will make you feel better about yourself. You put aside the money you need to get the tasks done around the house. You do whatever you need to do to send a loud and clear message, “I don’t have time to be sitting down waiting around for you.” For instance, when a person cheats although it is a heartless, evil way to send a message to the one they supposedly love, it gets results, doesn’t it? Either the couple will stay together and make some changes in their relationship or break away from one other while realizing what failed in their past relationship. Do I advocate such a cruel act to get results, no way! But what I am saying is that it takes something either good or bad to wake people up in a relationship that seems to be spiraling downward.

I personally have been a victim of cheating back in my twenties and early 30s and the person doing the cheating, but I realized the things I did and didn’t do early on in the relationship such as, when my advisors told me, “He’s not the one. He’s no good for you” and I chose not to listen. I also have been the one to attend church alone, the one who separated from my partners days, weeks, and months at a time until they behaved or the relationship ended, sacrifice jobs, stop drinking and going out clubs and bars, cut off certain toxic friends, rearrange the household to benefit everyone even though I didn’t want to, limit spending including not buying the latest fashions and getting my hair done at the salon, and the one who had to apologize and make things right when I was in the wrong. I could go on and on but you understand that the only way sometimes to achieve peace in the household is to make a sacrifice of some sort.

If you have ever been called hard-headed, stubborn, immature, or self-righteous and nothing major has happened yet in your relationship to get you to change, well just stay in it long enough and some serious changes are bound to happen within days, weeks or years of you reading this article. Why wait until something negative occurs in your relationship to influence you to change? Why not take the gentle reminders, the notes on the wall, the light-hearted talks, the recent arguments, the tears you recently witnessed from your mate to motivate you toward change?

Not only should we listen to our partner, but we have to do too! She wants you to fix something, take her out, buy her something, why not do it? He wants you to be cautious of your tone of voice, help out more, or watch your spending habits? Why not do it? You may already know what will happen if you don’t. Some of you women reading this are feeling threatened in your relationship by someone or something, you know why you feel this way. Because there is something you know you aren’t doing. Maybe you should have ended the relationship a long time ago, but chose not to.

Nowadays you are mentally and physically suffering staying in something you don’t really want. Maybe some of you men reading this should stop drinking, because you know how alcohol affects you. It’s only a matter of time that someone will end up in jail or dead due to your abuse. Maybe you are one of those workaholics that should really consider what your partner is saying when he or she says, “I need you.” Maybe you are a man reading this whose partner says, “I need your attention,” but you rather yell about who she is talking to on the Internet and that co-worker she talks about at work. Maybe all of us need to stop spending so much time on the Internet and spend more time with those we say we love while doing the things around the house we have been putting off for weeks. Ask yourself, “Is it too late? Am I willing to do my part to see this relationship through until death do us part or is it better I leave?”

“Life is too short” so the old adage goes. So with that said, you need to make up in your mind how you want to live your last days on this earth. Do you want to live a life with someone who is willing to do whatever it takes to make your relationship work or would you rather go off on your own and hopefully find someone who may be better for you? Whatever you choose, don’t let another year go by without making a decision.

Nicholl McGuire also manages the blog Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate.

Dating Advice, Relationship Problems: Sex Changes Your Life

Dating Advice, Relationship Problems: Sex Changes Your Life: You want change to happen in your life. You are tired of having empty relationships with people. These dating experiences start off well...

Wednesday

Observations of the Older Man Dating the Younger Woman

Ever wonder what you, your mate and others really think of the younger woman with the older man? Putting aside everything you have been told or what you have seen when it comes to relationships like this, could you sincerely be honest, fair, and even encouraging when it comes to dating an older or younger partner or befriending this type of couple? Depending on your age, how secure you are about yourself and your own relationship, and dating experiences will determine how you truly feel about a younger woman dating an older man.

You may be the younger woman curious about dating an older man or you may be the older man interested in dating a younger woman. Then again, you may not be either but just a concerned relative or friend. Whatever your reason for seeking additional information about younger women and older men, know that you aren’t alone in the way you feel. There are plenty of couples who either privately or publicly struggle with some issues as they come up and the more knowledge you have about the subject, the more comfortable you will feel about talking to an older man and younger woman. In addition, you will feel confident interacting with family members and friends with your older or younger companion by your side and/ or teaching others about your dating experiences. There are many questions and concerns about this subject of dating younger women and older men. For purposes of this article, we will discuss what some older men, younger women, friends, and family may be thinking about their relationship.

Let’s begin with the first. What do young women and older men really think when dating one another? One thought the couple may have relates to the newness of the relationship. For some they have dated an older or younger mate in the past, others have not so it may be more challenging for them. Couples also think about how unique they are from other couples in their circle especially if most of their friends are significantly younger or older. They also find that because of the age differences there are some very interesting subject areas that can be discussed from hobbies to employment. Further, they may talk about challenging topics as they come up such as: short and long term goals, emotions, responsibilities, religion, ethics, and accountability. These subjects are no different than any other couple who may be the same age or closely matched.

A concern that may come up during the dating phase is what does each partner honestly think about the other? For instance, an older man may look at his younger date as being someone very unique from what he is accustomed to dating. He may also notice how energetic, fun or independent she is unlike the women in his own age group. His younger partner may see her older man as intelligent, caring, kind, and mature unlike young men she has dated in the past. Together they may complement one another because they are so different. However, sometimes these differences can get in the way of one another’s future plans which unfortunately can lead to arguments and later separation or breakup. For example, let’s say his young partner is interested in saving money for her college education while her older partner is more concerned about retirement. They may have differences on what each may find a priority. Without open and honest communication often, most couples whether young or old will come to an end.

The popular question of “what will my friends think” may cross the couple’s mind especially with the younger woman. Since friendships are still very important to her, a young woman doesn’t want to feel isolated or ridiculed because she is with an older man, so she may either distance herself from her older partner. Sometimes a new relationship may override old friends and she may grow distant or cut them off altogether particularly if they have been increasingly judgmental. While peer pressure may affect youth, it has no impact on maturity. Her older partner who has already been through that phase in his life may not care what others think. However, there are some older men who do care about his friends’ opinions depending on his public involvement. For instance, an older man may cave into the pressure of his older boss, friends, business associates and others for the sake of his reputation. He doesn’t want the criticism of others affecting things like: his finances, relationship with his older children, or investments because he is with a younger woman. Sometimes older friends may actually like the idea he is with someone younger if it is bringing out the best in him. They may refer to his younger partner as “sexy, fun or good for you!”

A final concern that the couple may have is what their family thinks.  Although family may have been very supportive in the past about the couple’s former partners, they may not be so supportive when they see a drastic change in their relative’s taste in a man or woman. They may ask, “Why this man? He is just too old for you! Aren’t you concerned she might be a gold-digger? Don’t you think she is too young?” The family may have forgotten about the times in their past when someone didn’t like their mates because they were “too flashy, conceited, rude, arrogant, angry, or irresponsible.” When the couple finds that they are being inundated with negativity from family, they may decline invites to holiday celebrations, avoid visiting unless absolutely necessary, attend functions separately, and/or limit what information they share about their relationship. These are all precautions they use to protect their feelings about their mate.

The younger woman and older man may have a great, long-lasting future if they can put aside the comments of well-meaning family members and friends. They may want to evaluate each statement made by people in their circle by looking for signs of hidden jealous, criticism or personal bias.

Nicholl McGuire also manages the blog based on the book Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate


Monday

She's More Than Just a Pretty Face


Behind the face are many painful stories.
She was hurt by her father.
Heart broken by a boyfriend.
Fought with a sexist boss.
Deceived by manipulative friends.

And you want her.

Are you prepared to deal with what lies beyond the surface?

She's Crazy by Nicholl McGuire

The Effects of Being with a Nasty Charmer - Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men by N. McGuire

You may have experienced or witnessed the damaging effects of these "I am so fresh, good, sexy, perfect..." types and at times hated being around them but as a result of being abused by these males your personality might have changed and not necessarily for the better. Therefore, some relatives and friends may not find you as "nice" or "kind" since connecting with an abusive lover or partner. 
After one gets to know these closet abusers, they do not bring out your best emotions which makes it difficult to continue be the nice person you once were prior to getting your heart broken in a million pieces by them. If anything you find yourself, doubting most of what comes out of their nasty mouths (some of them are nice looking, but their teeth are terrible!) You can't ever believe what these charmers tell you, because you have busted them telling so many lies and now you have problems trusting others. While staying connected with these abusers, you might find yourself also short-tempered, impatient, blaming, often ready to fight, have a negative attitude, controlling, easily jealous, critical, prideful, etc. You may have had your share of disputes with these selfish men or said nothing out of fear, yet took your anger out on others. In Malignant Self-Love: Narcissism Revisited by Sam Vaknin, a self-proclaimed narcissist, the author describes the egoist, "He is able to provoke in his milieu, in his casual acquaintances, even in his psychotherapist, the strongest, most avid and furious hatred and revulsion. To his shock, indignation and consternation, he invariably induces in others unbridled aggression." 

As you will read in this book, many public charming men are secretly mean-spirited, often angry and at times demonic wanting very much to kill their victims especially when no one is watching. Keep hanging out with them and you will find your demeanor getting worse instead of better--they will drive you mad! Imagine one day you lose it, go off the deep end, while the man you thought you knew sits back and behaves as if he never drove you insane. Witnesses show up and ask, "Why is that woman so mad at you?" the cruel gentleman responds ever so politely, "My God, I don't know why?" So you attempt to explain your case, but no one believes you. "He tried to kill me. He told lies about me. He said he wasn't married...He said he was getting a divorce. He claimed he didn't have any children. He used the children to hurt me. He pretended that he had lots of money and was going to help me, but never did. He rarely touched me, barely looked at me, when I tried to talk to him, he often ignored me..." The observers just shake their heads in disbelief. "No, he wouldn't act like that. He's my son, my brother, my uncle, my favorite cousin...Oh yes, the woman has gone mad. I pray that God will heal her."
With a wink, crooked smile, and a few mumbled curse words and before long the nice guy turns into the big, bad guy all-too-ready to beat his partner with his fists or whatever objects are within his reach if she was to do or say something he doesn't like again. If he is the emotionally abusive type, he will use his intimidating stare, silence, passive aggressive tactics, and other manipulations--of course when no is looking. Relatives, friends, and co-workers don't spend 24/7 with the socially sweet, privately cruel man and even if they did, would he reveal his dark side with them and would they be discerning enough to pick up on the signs?
You might have watched the evil rise through eyes of someone you thought you knew well. Almost instantly, you probably found yourself in fight or flight mode. "I think I better get out of here. I don't think I want to keep talking to him. Something is wrong with that guy," you told yourself. If this kind of behavior happens often enough, when in the presence of an unstable man, you become a nervous wreck. In time, you will want to do almost anything to calm this person when you see he is getting irritated. Notice the Holy Scriptures that warns men and women of double-minded people: James 1:7-8, 2 Peter 2:14, and Psalm 119:113.
You might start warning others, "Please, don't get that crazy man started. Don't say those things, you really don't know him. Make my life easier and try not to do or say..." However, others are not like you: afraid, worried, or nervous and aren't the least bit interested in following your rule book on, "How to Keep My Man Happy." Instead they have no problem challenging your troubled man. What they don't realize you will reap what they have sown. Cowardly men take out their rage on their women and children. The King James Bible warns, "Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go..." (Proverbs 22:24) this includes beloved church leadership, spouses, relatives, and others! When family and friends put up a fuss about not wanting their relatives to go with mean people especially after a dispute, it is because they care and they don't want anything bad to happen to their kin.
If you are with a man who really isn't as nice as he looks to others, you know the truth and you might as well avoid the temptation to self-deceive. Charmers don't dare take on people who are brash, bold and truthful about them--they know better. I heard a woman once tell her family who was ready to hurt her boyfriend, "Please don't make it hard for me." This is usually one reason why many abusive men still have breath in their bodies, because of their pleading wives or girlfriends who don't want the family's involvement in their abusive relationships.
When I was in a similar situation, I really didn't care what my relatives did to the abuser between breakups, because I knew I didn't want to be with him (at least temporarily). But when I wasn't ready to let him go, I was very secretive and defensive about "our business," (which was fighting often). I told lies to family members and learned to cover up my true feelings about him when we were alone out of fear that he would hurt me. I really wanted to have a normal relationship, but the reality was it was far from that. Research shows victims in abusive relationships will go back to their abusers at least seven times before finally breaking it off with them. Most family members are just not patient.
So what happened to that nice guy you thought you knew? Let us take a deeper look at these socially sweet men who are privately cruel. As you discover more about them, prepare yourself for the next ones who come your way from meeting you in church to sitting next to you at work, Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men by Nicholl McGuire will help.  Purchase your copy today!


Monday

If Meeting Your Girlfriend's Friends Were Honest


Look Pretty, Be Quiet - Older Man Dating Young Woman

It's been years since I penned a fictional story but for purposes of this blog entry, I will provide the following because I desire to make some of my readers think about their approach when it comes to dating older men and younger women.  Please read.

The older man looking to date younger women noticed one from afar, this one was very pretty--long dark hair, ruby red lips, shapely with an eye-catching rear, attractive face with a narrow nose, about 5'6".  He guessed she was about a D cup, but wasn't certain because he was fooled before.  Oh yes, this was his One--something out of a magazine!  Yet, what the older gentleman didn't know was that she was also pretty smart too.  She observed him looking at her from the corner of her eye.  Sure, he was nice-looking for his age, but from what this college student could tell, this man had his share of baggage.  His eyes that went from warm-looking to cold and then back again briefly told his story.  His posture didn't look to confident as if he was using a nearby rail to hold himself up.

The lust-filled older man was in search of a young lady who could make him smile and give him a good time in the sack she assumed, but what about her needs, she thought?  From the way the man in his fifties walked to the way he talked,she overheard his brief chat in the parking lot.  "Older people love to talk about the weather," she had chuckled to herself as she walked quickly.

The car he drove and his inexpensive attire were also telling, no he didn't give off a sugar daddy vibe--that's for sure!  No, this man didn't have much to share, she told herself. "Probably lost alot in a divorce or still losing."

The older guy had a small, crinkled McDonald's bag in one hand and a small coffee in the other. Either he didn't eat much, was watching his weight, finances or maybe all three, she pondered and continued to watch.  It was obvious that the mature man wasn't young by the way he moved and probably wasn't that good in bed.  He also wasn't as detailed as he once was, the young woman had pity on him as her thoughts increased about her admirer.  He had missed many gray hairs on his head and face from his quick dye job which was too dark and didn't flatter his aging face.  Then that body build wasn't what it used to be if it ever was.  Yet, she looked on smiling at him after their eyes made contact wondering if he carried any useful information to stimulate her ears his appearance wasn't dazzling.

The young woman agreed to date the man after repeated sightings here and there.  The pair would one day meet and he would spoil her with many goodies.

tipsdatingoldermen.blogspot.com
Then they met again and more items that she needed.  he made such an impression on her that she forgot about all that stuff she thought about him early on.  As the relationship grew more serious, the man promised her a car, bought a very expensive jewelry set, and planned a trip overseas.  It turned out he was exceptionally wealthy.  A broke college student really didn't have much to offer so she thought.  But the man appreciated her company, affection and her beauty much.  However, after much time and money spent, the couple broke up.  

Now in the above fictional story, I want you to fill in the remaining details as to what happened next that led to the relationship's ending.  Did the man lose interest because he realized he wanted more in the relationship?  Did he finally discover that she wasn't really attracted to him?  Did the young woman feel suffocated or controlled?  Do he stop spoiling her?  Did she discover that he was married? The truth is that in many age gap relationships there is no future just temporal companionship and financing.

My version to this story will correlate with the title above.  In reality, some of these age gap dating relationships consist of rich, older men putting pressure on young women to always be their best selves whenever they are around.  For details to the story's ending, I throw this out there:

The man wanted his lady friend to be quiet about "issues" when they would arise and "just have a good time."  Sometimes her intellectual side would get the best of her and she would ramble on about a myriad of thoughts concerning the past, present and future.  But the mature man, who spent much time on his free days unresponsive had rules she had yet to learn.  No talking about any negative personal feelings, asking questions about his past, and no communicating concerns even those that involve the pair.  

Remember I told you in the beginning of the fictional story that the young lady was smart.  The older man believed himself deserving of her, so he watched her too. His poor act was just that, because he was well aware of gold-diggers.  He noticed that the young lady was a hard worker, conscious of her spending, didn't have much, and was proud of her college.  She often wore the school's emblem, ate at McDonald's every Tuesday right before her class and rushed off to the college's shuttle bus stop, because she didn't have enough money to buy a car.  She would wear impressive clothes every now and again, but no accessories.  During those early days of watching his former lover because that's all he ever really wanted but he was open to something serious, he knew the pretty young lady was observant because she often checked her surroundings and saw him and smart too.  But the prideful, mature gentleman, believed he was mature, powerful, and deserving of whatever he desired.  The man never denied himself any forbidden fruit despite his being married more than a couple times, going through a divorce, and then of course the recent serious relationship that didn't work out either. So unfortunately emotional and physical cheating, pride, power,control, and more also contributed to this age gap relationship ending too.

You see, when dating you have to know what you are getting yourself into before emotions take over and what exactly do you want and don't. What are you willing to give and what are you unwilling to tolerate?  You have to look beyond appearance, gifts and sex to truly see the person for who he or she really is.  Troubled people are vulnerable, weak, and easily led into many tempting situations.  Pretty is fleeting, but wisdom lasts a lifetime.  Unfortunately, there aren't a lot of people exercising common sense or wisdom in dating app world or in the real world.  They prefer to get immediate needs met now and worry about the consequences later.  Dismiss what their minds and hearts tell them just to get a thing or two.

"Look pretty..." the older man demanded one day prior to the breakup.  "Just look pretty!  You don't need to talk, I don't need to talk!  But if you should want to talk and you tell me something I don't want to hear or respond to...You will annoy me.  You don't like to be irritated and neither do I!"

The things people say when they have money and a host of other choices.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men and She's Crazy.

Sunday

Older Men Looking for Younger Women - Dating for Wants not Needs

A single, older man who seeks selfish gain has an agenda before he even starts dating someone new. The kind of plan with the objective to meet his wants and not always his needs.  Most often what or who is most important to him (that person, place or thing) is already managed as far as he is concerned.  But those wants of the older guy are very tempting to him, temporarily satisfying, and at times worth the risks that come with them at least so he thinks. 

When older men seek younger women, what do you think is going on in some of their minds? Consider things like:  companionship, attention, adoration, sex, travel buddy, an assistant or some other want.  These are their benefits they often receive depending on their selection of women (most lovers give very little while expecting much in return).  These mature men have already had their share of  life disappointments and so now they seek after what they feel is essential to their well-being and present lifestyles, yet sometimes their wants outweigh common sense.  Ponder on the following.

Unchecked health issues dominate a man's mind; therefore he looks to others to treat his ills by distracting him with entertainment; rather than making a doctor's appointment or sitting down with a psychologist or a person of faith.
  
Poor choices in past or current mates rob him of inner peace, joy, money, relationship with children, etc. instead of blaming himself, he shifts blame, makes excuses, or hopes his personal issues will just go away or one day get better without doing anything or very little to make personal changes.  

His desire to achieve becomes more significant than quality relationship building. Instead of building people up (family, friends...) as he moves up the ladder of success, he fault-finds, insults, and bad mouths.  A Creator is unimportant, spirituality has no impact, and he feels a void despite all of the material wealth and business acquaintances he has gained.

These are just a few of the many things that motivate an older man to find a bit of pleasure in a young woman.  He runs away from the things that bother him while he expects/demands/controls his fountain of youth.  In time, his younger partner doesn't look as appealing to him due to aging, childbirth, stress, etc.  So he isn't very kind or caring while his eyes wonder elsewhere.  

lovedatingadvice.blogspot.com
Without quality friends around these troubled older men to shake them back into reality and out of their personal fantasies, they will continue to go after gullible young women who ultimately give them nothing more than a headache and empty bank account over time. 
 
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The compatibility they eventually realize simply isn't there as they mature along in years.  Unfortunately, many of these disgruntled older men take out their negative emotions on those closest to them.  Meanwhile the young ladies come to the realization that the aging process in their older partners is more than they can handle.  They either fight back, ignore, or move on to nicer guys whether young or old.  As far the older men who see they are no longer charming in the eyes of their companions, they reason, "It's not me, it's them..."out with the old and in with the new.  This cycle may repeat with the miserable,stubborn, bitter, and angry older men over and over again until their dying days.

As much as some of us enjoy connecting with older or younger, we all need to understand that there are needs and wants in these matches, engagements and marriages and if one is unwilling to meet a person's desires, besides one's own, on both an emotional and physical level (no matter the age) there will be trouble!

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Too Much,Too Soon Internet Dating Blues  

Wednesday

The Best Older Men to Date

They are generous, confident, charismatic, and enjoy your company!  There are not nearly enough of these older gentlemen around who sincerely love their companions.  These men are attentive, supportive and most of all most wanted! 

Mature men don't play mind games, they have no need.  Their behavior, wealth, and associations speak for themselves.  If you are genuinely interested, they will reach out and work with you to meet.  But those that have secrets, past baggage, emotional, and physical challenges are the ones you may not get along with. 

Tips Dating Older Men, Younger Women tipsdatingoldermen.BlogSpot.com

Some older men have a way of projecting their short-comings on to others.  When issues arise that they may have caused by the time the conversations comes to an end, they have turned their mistakes, lies, and more on to their partners.  This is one of many reasons why some simply can't keep a quality connection with anyone not exes or current lovers. They don't hold themselves accountability to anyone or anything they don't believe truly matters to them.

As a younger woman (in the past) who dated many older men, I can tell you that the ones I went the distance with until I grew weary of them were the nice, patient type.  They weren't filthy rich guys just men who made a steady income and knew how to save money and make small investments.  I really didn't care much about their material assets because I knew I would have to do a lot to get a little.  Rather, I was captivated by their minds and looks for their age.  I was also interested in learning from them and utilizing their knowledge to meet my needs.  Hence, this long-running blog for instance.

Life with a quality older man is indeed great.  What I mean by quality is the kind who is honest, caring, and considerate.  But when many of the positive traits are absent in an older or younger man, you are better off cutting the guy off sooner rather than later.  One can typically feel from the start that the relationship is merely temporary.

Older men who make for good friends tend to be:  lonely men, generous men, men who have already had families, men who wish they had daughters, and men who have never dated someone very attractive.  These men tend to make time for the women they enjoy their companionship and appearance.  However, like with all men, they have their share of traits that might be misconstrued for care, but really turn out to be power and control tactics. They might want to see you often, rush to marry you, impregnate you, use money and assets to control, etc.  Watch for power and control signs.

So the best older men to date are those who treat you like you want to be treated.  Anything else and you are just settling!

Nicholl McGuire
Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate

Tuesday

Confession: Have Never Been in Love with My Lovers' Minds

Have Never Been in Love with My Lovers' Minds  a poem written based on the past loves the writer met before apps, websites, and other toys created to meet people.  There is a deception that takes place when a couple meets under dimly lit lights, good food, and later sex.  The kind of trickery that makes one think that something is real when it is not.  What does a smart girl have in common with a dumb man and vice versa?  Never downplay your intelligence to attract, keep or maintain a partner.  Be real with yourself and others.  Sooner or later you will be with the one who truly is compatible with you!

Wednesday

4 Dating Apps for People Seeking an Age Gap Relationship - Older Men Dating Younger Women

For younger women looking to date older men or vice versa but are too shy to connect offline, there are sites that cater to your needs.  The following is a list of dating apps for people who want to date older men, younger women.  Don't be ashamed or feel odd about meeting people who are not close to your age.  Sometimes you can't help who you might have more in common with than others.  If you feel like trying a dating app, here are a few that cater to age gap relationships exclusively.  For those who have a faith you may want to look at eHarmony, ChristianMingle and other similar dating apps. 

1.  EstablishedMen.com - you can flirt for free, filter results and searches, block people, and create a favorite list.

2.  MillionaireMatch.com - you can send winks, share first date ideas, post lots of photos, have a private album, post questions, you can request verification of photo, and do other interesting stuff.

3.  SugarDaddyMeet.com - you can contact members through winks and emails, upload many photos and create a blog homepage.

4.  AgeMatch.com - if you believe in May- December relationships, you will enjoy this one.  Create a detailed profile, send winks, participate in forum discussions, etc.

Keep in mind in order to get full use of the dating sites, there are fees so do visit the site to the latest prices.  Also, check to see if the site has auto renewal membership fees and view terms to see what the process is to cancel service if you find it is no longer useful. 

Tuesday

10 of the Best Dating Apps - Connect with Someone Older or Younger

1) Tinder - discover people who are near you, connect with locals.

2) Bumble - the woman makes the first move on this dating app.

3) Happn - discover people who you have crossed paths with during the day.

4) Coffee Meets Bagel - each day at 12 noon guys you will receive 21 matches, you can like or pass.

5) Hinge - if you are interested in a real relationship, then this app is for you!

6) OK Cupid - finds you matches based on what you care about and it is free.

7) POF - this is one of the largest and most active dating sites.

8) Christian Mingle - this app makes it easy to connect with people of faith.

9) Match - discover a diverse global community of singles.  Check profiles near or far.

10)  eHarmony - premium online dating for people interested in committed relationships.


Wednesday

Dating Apps and Desperate Singles

Dating apps make it so easy to share anything and everything with someone that you usually don't realize you have been communicating with a stranger until you sit down in his or her presence for awhile like what happened to me. The person has no clue what is your favorite meal, the names of your closest relatives, or what some of your pet-peeves are about restaurants. The uneasy feeling within serves as yet another warning, "Slow down, he/she really doesn't know you that well. Do you really need to connect with this person intimately anytime soon?"
 
Certain apps restrict the natural process of communication and make seeing one another the priority. Other apps make communication the center of the relationship, but don't do so well when it comes to encouraging an offline connection since there is money to be made online. You are still a human being no matter what technological device is created and you will need to take control over your mind, body and spirit on and offline.

The mood changes between couples as they learn good, bad and ugly things that affect one another. Sometimes conversations are fun, intense, emotional, and quiet. Casting away one's perception, judgmental attitude, and other personal issues is constantly done when attempting to start a new relationship with someone. But going into anything blindly without a moral compass, some boundaries, and other things to keep one out of trouble is sure to lead to a stressful relationship that may end up lasting for years! The following are some things I did to keep some lonely and desperate singles from contacting me anymore having gone through my share of dating challenges:
1. I noted what I wanted and what I wasn't going to put up with sometimes firmly if I felt someone was being pushy.
2. I specifically indicated the kind of person I wanted to meet, but I didn't provide a long list just a general statement. I didn't want someone having so much information that they could magically turn themselves into something just to date me.

3. I didn't say too much about my family and work because I really didn't feel it was necessary in a first email or conversation.
4. I didn't hide my discontent when I was asked to do some things that I didn't want to do.
5. I ended any communication that didn't sit well with me whether playful or not.
 
Have you ever spoken to someone that is head over heels in love with a partner? Did he or she appear to have a brightened countenance when talking about one's love interest? Did this person act as if everything was right with the world? If so, then you know the love struck lady or guy is not the least bit interested in hearing anything that might sound like a warning or a negative comment about one's lover. Having gone through a previous break up, all most people want to do is focus on the good when it comes to anyone or anything new. What usually occurs is most relatives and friends just let their loved ones learn the hard way.
 
So a conversation is going great, smiles are beaming, and some relatives and friends might be jealous since their relationships have long lost their shine. The couple is guarded about sharing too much personal information. In time, they spend an increasingly amount of time away from family and friends who once made up a good portion of their time.
 
"We are so open with one another...We get along so good. He is so great...I love how she expresses herself; she really knows what she wants. I think he gets me," lovers say. Do these statements sound familiar? Now to those who have "been there, done that" their conversations about one another sound sweet, but the reality is in time relationship highs mellow and the lows start to increase. This is why some mature couples won't say too much to those who are "in love," because they know better, things will fizzle and when they do, the gullible will learn the hard way. Time always tells the truth and what was once so special and right about someone ends up not always being so in the short or long term. 
 
Nicholl McGuire is the author of Too Much Too Soon Internet Dating Blues 

 
 

Top 10 Reasons Why You Should Date Older Men


Monday

Dating Rich Older Men - What Younger, Needy Women Don't Think About

When a young lady seeks to date a man who makes much money, what she doesn't realize is that he isn't going to be as available to her emotionally and possibly physically as she might imagine.  The young woman is in for a rude awakening if she thinks that dating or marrying an older man will always consist of exotic travel and jaw-dropping shopping sprees.

I got the opportunity to speak to women who date older men and they were at times na├»ve when it came to talking about them.  They were like giddy school girls who just saw a handsome boy walk by them.  The eyes brightened, the speech sped up, and their bodies moved around a bit as if excited to talk about the subject.  These women didn't think too much about the possibility of future disappointments like their allowances or gifts being cut off one day by their rich dates.  They were too busy thinking about those promises their guys made such as plans to attend special events, give them gifts and eat at five star restaurants.

tipsdatingoldermen.blogspot.com

Most rich, older men don't abandon jobs, forget about children (and sometimes exes), and they aren't thinking too much about keeping a sexual partner around for too long.  Instead they enjoy the "in the meantime" experience with an attractive, young lady and then on to the next best thing.  Workaholic older men are too busy thinking about jobs and money to care much about a lover's feeling, accomplishments, and other things that matter.  The selfish simply want their periodic sexual desires met with no strings attached.  It isn't any wonder why many are divorced--the "it's all about me" philosophy doesn't go well with marriage, children, and household responsibilities.

The wealthy but cheap older men spend a great deal of time in doors on off days.  They don't like going out much because all that means is more money spent that they prefer to save.  Some young women are blind-sided by this type because they start off treating them so well, but in time the newness wears off and the older men's true selves begin to show especially after they have received what they wanted, sex with a beautiful woman and companionship.  When things become dull, they grow weary of dating and relationships.  So they give their all back to jobs or businesses while the gullible women check their phones hoping to hearing from them.  "Could he be back with his wife?  What am I going to do, he doesn't send any money anymore?  I was starting to fall for that guy..."
What many gullible women overlook, at least initially during the early dating stages, are the self-absorbed attributes in successful men.  They are consumed with getting their needs met from the start.  The signs aren't easily recognized because these men tend to attract women like themselves.  Selfish women are too busy focused on themselves to pay any attention to warning signs that a date might be trouble.  When a woman is immature and desperate for things like:  attention, money and sex, she won't think too much about how she is treated until her needs are no longer being met.  "What's up with him?  He use to be so nice.  He gave me whatever I wanted!  Now he is so mean!"

Dating rich older men is a bit different than dating broke, younger men.  The men who know they can buy just about anyone or anything, expect to be pleased.  So they want more for their time and money than a broken man who is just happy being with a head-turner 10. 

Young women who date rich put up with things that other women wouldn't even consider.  This is because most women are looking for more in a relationship besides money and gifts, but not the 10 looking for a 10.  She wants cash, business, opportunities, and whatever else that rich man can afford to give her! 

Since many successful men know that most people are after their cash, property, etc. they are going to be guarded and will not always come off as nice and accommodating especially when they are aware of a young woman's motives
.  Whether you are rich and older or young and broke, know that whatever your intention if it isn't good, expect to be taken advantage of sooner or later.

Nicholl McGuire maintains this blog and is the author of She's Crazy (a book for battered men). 

Friday

Dating Younger Women (Blog) - Does Age Really Matter?

It all depends on who you ask, "Does age really matter?"  For years this blog has shared personal as well as expert opinion about dating older men and younger women.  Well I can certainly tell you that those who scream the loudest that age doesn't matter, at least initially, get a rude awakening as the relationship grows older.  The wider the age gap, the more differences and the more bad news you eventually find out about your older or younger partner.

There simply are things that young women just don't understand or have the mindset to deal with concerning older men.  Take for instance, life experiences and personal health woes, some younger women (not all of course) can't relate to men who are having a mid-life crisis no more than mature women.  Older men have their share of the blues and the only thing that some young women can think of are their own selfish needs being met.

Now what about the older men who are a bit outdated and unwise?  They gravitate to young women in the hopes that they will get sex and a companion.  However, it doesn't work that way in time especially if there is no sincere connection with the young lady.  A number of young women feel doubtful about the May-December relationship and question what really is the older guy's motives for even considering them.  "I'm broke, still learning things about life...why is he really bothering with me when he could be with someone his own age?"  Whatever the reason an older male comes up with to make the inquisitive,young woman feel secure, it isn't good enough.  She most likely will move on sooner or later.

The takeaway is age matters when you give the relationship some time.  You will see and feel the difference.

Nicholl

How Do I Find Myself? What Will You Have to Risk, Change to Be Happy with You?

How Do I Find Myself? What Will You Have to Risk, Change to Be Happy with You? (Young Women)

Thursday

5 Signs You're Dating a COMPLETE Psychopath!


What's the Point of Dating Older, Younger if No Longer Into It?

In previous entries I provided a host of information that talks about age gap dating experiences, family woes, health concerns, and more, and yet some will continue to date older or younger even when their hearts or minds are not that into it anymore.

There is a self-deception that occurs with some daters. It goes something like this, "I guess it's okay.  I mean I like her/him.  I really hope things work.  I know I am his/her type.  Besides I have a lot of money...look good, still fit...a great catch!"  Most likely, if the person is displaying signs they don't like you much, you aren't as good as you think.  But it's okay.  You can move on if only you are willing.

I found someone online over a decade ago and I admit that I wasn't really feeling older guys at the time.  I had a history that didn't treat me so nice.  I had made up in my mind at the time that if it didn't work, I wasn't sticking around and I meant it.  When you know you have reached that point when the young lady is annoying you more than pleasing you or the older man is being controlling rather than loving, it's time to make some hard decisions.

I know it can be tough.  One man many years ago I had to let go because I was 19 and he was about 41.  He really didn't do it for me.  I knew there were some insecurities he had like the time when I brushed his hair not realizing that I uncovered his thinning spot.  Irritated he swept it back, "I'm sorry..." I said.  Talk about awkward.  The man in crisis also drank much at times and didn't mind visiting me when he was drunk.  What a waste!  Yeah, that is what I was thinking.  I didn't respect him and neither did he me, because why would he show up drunk?

Anyway, you need established relationship boundaries my friends. Once one, two or more are crossed and you just aren't feeling the fellow or gal, move on.  Don't punish, insult, complain...there's no point in dating older or younger when you have personal hang-ups with age, personality, wit, and more. 

Older people can be boring at times even when they think they are not and younger people can have too much energy...so why complain about the person you picked?  Stick to your own age if dating younger or older is just not working any longer.

Nicholl
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