Wednesday

When a Website or Friend Describes a Man as "Mature" Know What They Mean





If you can't stand the heat, stay out the kitchen.  Mature men don't typically look like college jocks, they look more like young ladies' daddies hence the phrase some older men like to joke around with, "Who's your Daddy?"

Tuesday

Married for Material Wealth

Oftentimes couples in age gap relationships get involved with one another due to benefits like companionship, money, etc.  But in time realize their reasons for getting involved with one another simply don't weather the storms.  This audio "Married for Material Wealth" is a spiritual perspective on a life decision many make and later regret.  Recorded by the author of Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men, Nicholl McGuire.  Listen to podcast here.

Wednesday

Wake Up - Male Midlife Crisis is Real - Young Woman You Might Be a Victim

For some men, they thought that if they stepped out of their marriages, distanced themselves from children and live a little, things would get better.  Unfortunately, those feel-good emotions didn't happen long term like they had hoped.  The "living a little" with the hot chick, new car, baby on the way, relocation, and other surprises turned into nothing more than burdens.

Former mature partners know better, young ladies don't have a clue.  At first agreeing to date these men in crisis, who appear so charming, seems harmless for many single women until they spend time with them when they don't appear so attractive or behave so nicely. 

Like the older women, these young women soon discover that something is very wrong with partners/lovers.  They start feeling uncomfortable around these difficult men and contemplate breaking up with them.  "What did I say?  What did I do?  Why is this guy so negative?  What the f*ck is wrong with him!" a young lady might think.  It isn't so much what you said or did to set him off that rattles the evil within, but it is how he feels at the moment a challenge arises.  He may have been okay with something one day and then go ballistic the next.  Welcome to the world of andropause/irritable male syndrome/low T.

If you have yet to read articles about male midlife on this site and others, then start diving in, you will be in for a treat or maybe a trick because you will feel like you have been duped once you get to know the irritable male. 

Take heed young woman, there is more to a middle-aged man who is often moody and has what appears to be a decent past (somewhat normal not too bad,) and a satisfactory lifestyle.  Despite his blessings, he nit-picks about them, complains about little things, and frequently finds fault with the people around him.  Also, think twice before joining the bandwagon of blaming exes.  A man in crisis may have had children with an ex he fell deeply in love with until his bodily changes took over.  He might have been married for a long time, had a great career, interesting life experiences, etc. but all those things came to a halt when emotions started to change, so rather than weather life storms, he looked for ways to escape it. 

Don't think he won't change on you sooner or later and don't accept responsibility for things beyond your control.  The blaming, minimizing, gas-lighting, and denial happens frequently in arguments with men in crisis and unfortunately some women are physically abused as well.  This is why mature woman will advise it is best to avoid the debates, get a life of your own, and do what makes you feel happy. 

Sometimes older people refuse to admit that there are personal and/or professional issues occurring in their lives as a result of the aging process.  Sometimes too focused on maintaining a youthful image and/or mindset, they fail to see the destruction they have left behind and just how out of touch they are with reality.  Guard your heart and your bank account, young woman when dating these men.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men and other books.

Thursday

Dating Violence While in College: Author talking about abusive relationship with older man


Absolute Turn Offs to Men (Young and Old)

There are just some things that women just starting out in life don't know when it comes to men, unless these mature males have the patience to teach (not preach) to the young ladies, they will become easily frustrated with them.  Ladies, pay attention when you are provided with advice on what turns men off.  See here.

Wednesday

10 Devious Things Deceptive Mates will Do to Keep You from Knowing the Truth

You have been burdened lately with this indescribable feeling in the pit of your stomach. You suspect that your mate hasn’t been completely honest with you about a number of things. You have attempted to converse with him or her about what is troubling you and the individual hasn’t said or did anything to bring you any relief.

Many women and men have what relationship counselors might call an "intuition," sixth sense or gut feeling when something isn't quite right with their intimate connections. How do you know that your sensibilities are being compromised by your lover?

There are ten things that your deceptive mate might do over the course of your relationship that will keep you guessing when it comes to a variety of issues such as: money, employment, cheating, family, past relationships, and children from the past.  He or she already knows how you feel about any one of these areas, so to ensure that you will always see him or her in the best light, your lover will work hard not to expose you to his or her dark past, secrets, lies, or anything else that may harm his or her connection with you. So what exactly does this person say or do to try to throw your intuition off track?

1)  Deny everything. It seems that no matter what you say to him or her about an issue, there is the common statement of "I don’t remember, I don’t recall, that wasn’t me, I don’t believe...It didn't happen like that...I never did...or I don’t know." One will usually respond to his or her mate, by not asking anymore questions about the matter.  Meanwhile, he or she hopes you have forgotten about it.

2)  Blame others. When your mate doesn’t want to be held accountable for anything, he or she will say, "Maybe you are the one with the problem…She said it not me… I didn’t do it, he did it…you know how he is…you know she doesn’t like you…" Your mate wants you to shift your focus from him or her and put it on someone else. A great distraction is to blame someone you don’t like, this way you both will start focusing on the ex, child, pet, job, etc. rather than on your partner who is causing you the most grief.

3)  Cover up wrong doing with silence. You want your mate to address a problem or concern and he or she says nothing.  For example, the individual may have done something like scratch the side of the car, break your treasured collectible from childhood, spent too much of your money, did something without asking your permission, or acted in ways when you weren't around that he or she knew you would be angry about. Rather than fess up, this person acts as if nothing ever happened. When pressed about the issues, your partner might become offensive and accuse you of wanting to start an argument, walk away or deny everything.

4)  Make excuses. Ask your boyfriend or girlfriend why he or she was late or didn't answer his or her phone, "Did you have your cell phone turned on...Who was that in the car with you?  Were you really over your mother’s house?"  Your lover might stammer, stutter, get angry, look away from you or walk out. All of these behaviors are meant for him or her to buy some time to come up with an excuse. Some may already be prepared with a good story. If you aren’t convinced, check up on one's reasons.

5)  Lie. When your partner doesn't want to face your wrath, feel as if he or she is backed up in a corner, or just want to be spiteful, this person will not tell you the truth. Instead, he or she will make up a story that this person hopes you might believe.

6)  Find fault with you to digress from what they did or didn’t do. Ask your lover about a task that he or she said would be done or mention to your "Babe" that you noticed he or she hasn't bothered to spend time with you lately.  He or she might have a reason why, but by the end of the conversation, you will find that you are defending yourself for things he or she brings up to circumvent the fact that this person isn't doing his or her part in the relationship.

7)  Apologize. Someone told your lover that an apology goes far, so your "Sweetie" will attempt to make up for wrongdoing with a very nice "I’m sorry..." Meanwhile, you are still wondering if she (he) is being sincere and truthful. Actions speak louder than words, so observe how she (he) treats you afterward.

8)  Beg. When they feel that you are about ready to end the relationship, your lover may talk about the years invested, everything you two have done together, what he/she has done for you, etc. When it comes down to it, the beggar is just saying these things, because you caught him or her off guard when this person wasn’t ready to break up with you. In the future, watch what this person says and does, if no changes and things get worse, he or she may be preparing to break up with you.

9)  Cry. Tears are a good way to make you second-guess anything your partner says and does. He or she may be insincere.  Don’t let your quest to seek truth be suffocated with your lover's tears. Act emotional right along with him or her if need be.  Ask this person everything you have ever wanted to know. Frustrate him or her like a witness being questioned by an attorney, so that the truth will start spilling fourth.  At some point, your partner will give up some details that will make you think whether he or she was ever being honest--connect the dots. This is also a good time to provide your lover with any proof you might have. When the emotional dispute is all said and done, your nagging gut feeling may begin to diminish.

10)  Become controlling.  Your girlfriend or boyfriend didn’t want you to find out about personal secrets, the lies told or anything else that puts him or her in a negative light with you, so if the individual suspects that you may be considering on ending the relationship, then be prepared for him or her to act controlling. The idea of you being with someone else is too much for this person to accept when he or she isn't ready to move on.  Your lover will start wanting to keep up with you more than ever before, he or she will become very interested in what you are thinking, where you are going and who are you going with.  Most of all, your mate will try to control the way you should be feeling about him or her by attempting to make you feel like everything you think, do, feel or say is wrong.
There are tricky men and women online and offline and they will not hesitate to use and abuse those who they think are na├»ve and gullible.  Stay one step ahead and take your time before adding a lover to your bank account, letting him or her drive your car, cohabitate, get engaged or married to someone.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men and other books

Saturday

Prostitution is Illegal - Whatever the Name or Game - There will be Problems

Just a friendly reminder if a young lady offers a sexual service for a price and the man pays for it, she is considered a prostitute.  In America, the act is illegal and unfortunately far too many people have gone to jail for soliciting sex.  Learn more by clicking on the following websites:

Prostitution | Definition of prostitution by...

Sacred prostitution - Wikipedia, the free...

Prostitution Statistics - Sex Crimes | Laws.com

Be smart, stay safe.

 

Friday

8 Dealbreakers For Dudes' Apartments


Long Term Relationships Are Better

Maybe you are curious about dating someone else or a few more people, but if a relationship is going well, why not keep it going?  Consider an exclusive relationship.  This slideshow makes some good and humorous points.  See here.

Thursday

What the Young Woman Doesn't Think About When Having a Baby with an Older Man

There are issues that many age gap couples are aware of prior to a pregnancy and during the process when it comes to having a baby.  A doctor will advise the expectant couples of the increase medical risks.  A young woman with an older man might have more appointments than other expectant moms due to the age difference. 

After baby is born, there just might be some unexpected issues especially if the mature gentleman's parents and siblings are much older and his family is large.  One's baby might not be treated like others who were born many years prior, because folks are simply too old and weary to care for a demanding newborn who later turns into a very active two year old, an inquisitive four year old, and so on.  Depending on the type of families, they may welcome the couple's new addition or not--especially if they were unsupportive about their older relative dating a younger woman or vice versa in the first place.

The family support might not be there, but the love must be strong enough to withstand the emotional roller coaster ride during and after the pregnancy.  Some older men just don't have the tolerance level for the drama.  Others have "been there and done that" so many times with other women that pregnancy and delivery just isn't special to them anymore.  Then there are those older gentlemen who are quite excited about becoming fathers to the point that they practically snatch the sonogram photos out of the hands of their younger partners.

Money may or may not be an issue for the older man when it comes to getting the necessary care for the young lady and their newborn.  But it might be a challenge gradually, because she may not be planning to return to work.  However, if she does, there is childcare to consider.  Typical expenses like baby food, diapers, and other needed supplies will drain one's bank account.  Other expenses will arise like medicines, medical bills, insurance, holiday events, and more, so if one is ill-prepared the relationship will experience the strain.  Days off of work is necessary to assist the new mother with the child.

Age gap relationships may weather the pregnancy and delivery challenges, but sometimes they don't.  A man in mid-life is more interested in winding down and relaxing on most days, but this changes when the couple is expecting.  A young lady may have thought she could keep up the pace at work and continue to do other things she loves, but the arrival of a baby is definitely a game-changer mentally and physically.

Although a relationship might feel quite nice, safe and secure, recognize all the factors that come into play once someone says, "I want to have a baby." Are you really ready for that?  If not, protect yourself.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of When Mothers Cry and other books.
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