Sunday

Dating Older Men - When He Thinks You Are Younger

He didn't think that you were in your thirties or was it your forties?  The mature gentleman, who absolutely loves young women, assumed you were in your 20s.  What a disappointment for this guy with such a strict preference?  You see, for some men, they will handle older women a bit different than they do younger ones--they won't.  They strongly believe that older women have much emotional baggage and they don't want to help in the least bit way with any of it.  If you play, young and dumb, you will see some of these older guys' games right before your eyes.  There are usually more young women where you came from and they spend time finding out which ones are going to meet their needs, pronto!

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I started graying in my 20s and felt the need to dye my hair.  I knew that if I let that gray hair show, men were going to think I was older than I was.  As I matured, I realized they needed to know I was not the silly young girl they thought I was, so I began to let that gray hair show.  There would be no more talking down to me, making stupid statements, and acting as if I was a lost puppy that needed a home.  Something as simple as letting my gray hair show sent a bold message to the ladies and gentlemen, I'm not whoever or whatever you thought I was.  Funny, how people treat you a bit more respectful when you look and act your age.

Now when you look younger--really young, some manipulative elders will take advantage.  They falsely assume you haven't had much life experience, you are ignorant to a lot of things, and they think having fun each day is one of your priorities.  They don't think of you as marriage material or baby-making.  You are a "friend" and that's about it.  Therefore, some older guys who have a bit of money, enjoy going to nice places, and treating their pretty young "things" will do some nice things for you until they grow weary of you or vice versa.  The rule of thumb:  look pretty and don't talk too much.  You start talking about the future, children, where he has been, who he knows, and wanting to meet his relatives, the older guy just might start to distance himself if he isn't sold out on your type.  Yes, he has "a type" and if you don't fit into that mold, he isn't thinking about any present or future. 

Now the "friend" relationship works when you don't care to be in a serious commitment with someone, but when feelings begin to grow, you want more.  But an older gentleman may not want to see you as anything more than whatever you agreed to be to him.

I learned quite a few life lessons when it comes to dating older men unfortunately the hard way.  Those lessons were the premise for starting this blog years ago.  I wanted young women as well as mature men to see the ups and downs when it comes to age gap dating and do it wisely.  I wanted people on the outside looking in to be informed and have a bit of compassion for these couples.  It isn't always easy.   Money, time, and energy is often lost in these partnerships because couples get swept away with "fun, different, new experience" that they don't realize just how many people they affect when they make poor choices in selecting mates.  Children from previous marriages lose respect for their parent(s).  Relatives shun or distance themselves from their young family members who refuse to listen to warnings.  Religious people judge these couples because they assume something unholy is going on (which it is sometimes especially when the older gentleman is still married).  Children are born into the new relationship wearing scarlet letters because some relatives believe they should have been born in wedlock.  Society frowns at the dirty old men who date women who are young enough to be daughters and nieces.  Sometimes children are born with health issues because there is such a wide age gap. 

When a mature man thinks a woman is younger than he thinks, he has a choice: he can either go ahead and date her and actually enjoy the experience of dating someone more mature then what he was hoping for or he can let the lady go in peace.  Too often people settle and later learn that they are unhappy.  If a young woman is misrepresenting herself or falsely advertising that she is younger than what she claims to be, this might backfire.  For some mature men, they are strict about the kind of young women they like to date and if the woman is not really twenty-something it might be an issue for some.  There are differences between age groups and not everyone can tolerate those differences.
So be sure, young lady, you are representing an accurate portrayal of who you are.  Consider this, a mature man who is adamant about your age, most likely will not change from his stance.  Your youthful appearance will eventually fade, especially after child-bearing, and he will no longer find you as attractive as he once did.  Sooner or later, he will find that comparable match who will be a lot younger than you.

Nicholl McGuire shares more dating tips at lovedatingadvice.blogspot.com

Wednesday

Young Woman: Think Before You Have Children with an Older Man

Not everyone who has children with an older partner is getting along well and the children are happy and healthy.  There are some things that you already know when it comes to having a baby with an older guy and then there are those unexpected issues that you least expect.

1.  The baby might have some health ailments.

It is inevitable, but some children do have their share of developmental problems because one or both parents are older.  Do your research before you start planning to have a baby with someone over a decade older than you.  Know what the risks are and find out what you can do to help alleviate some of the issues.

2.  The sex will not remain the same as it was when you first started dating.

For many starry-eyed couples, they have a false belief that everything will just continue to be sexy and fun for always.  They will talk of taking medicines to keep their sex lives active and come up with creative ways to enjoy love-making.  However, as you age, so does your mind and body.  There will be days even weeks, irregardless of your age, you just don't feel like it.  So add demanding newborns, whiny toddlers and rebellious teens to the mix and the gap widens since the last time you had sex.

3.  Sometimes impatience, moodiness, and tiredness will affect dreams of the happy family life.

If you thought that having a baby with your mature beau would bring you closer, think again.  Men and women who have had children already or just beginning to think about having them as mature adults, have a good idea what to expect.  Now how they endure through the whole child-rearing process is left up to speculation.  Some couples actually break up because they just can't handle themselves and their needy children.  The aging process isn't easy for some.  If one isn't happy within, he isn't going to give his all to yet another relationship and possibly more children--some divorced men have been there and done that and really don't want to do it again.  Young lady, do more watching what your older guy friend does and less listening to his charming speech about how you will make a great mom.  Will he really make a great dad?

4.  How old will you be and how old will he be when the child is in high school, college, etc.?

This question will pop up in your mind as you look at those around you who appear to be more active with their children while your partner not so much.  You will think of this question as your mate grows older.  You will start to wonder if he will be alive to see the children graduate, get married and have children of their own.

5.  The children will notice that dad is an old man.

As much as you say, "Age is nothing but a number" to yourself, the children will clearly see that their father isn't like you and those young dads they see.  They will ask questions, "Why can't dad do this...Why can't our father go there...Why is he always tired?  Why doesn't he do things like the other dads?"  Make all the excuses you want, the reality is he is older and you will most likely be the one running the children around to school activities, entertaining events, and more.

So just ponder deeply whether having a baby with an older man is really what you want to do.

Nicholl McGuire provides spiritual commentary on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7
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