Friday

Being In Love or Like? There is a Difference

Sometimes when one is dating, he or she forgets that every emotion that is experienced is not love.  It doesn't matter how old you are, there should be someone to speak aloud in your circle, "Hey, you just met the girl, slow down...Seriously honey, you don't even know this man!" loved ones will say.  This is a good think, don't take offense.

Those of us who remember being in love, know that the feeling lasts at least six months.  You can't eat or sleep without the one you love.  You plan for the future ie.) marriage.  You show this special person off even to your enemies.  You share just about everything with this person including your drinking glass--you just love them!  But when you are in like, you don't really care whether they come or go.  You definitely aren't planning any future and you aren't much interested in showing this person off especially around family.  You will even think twice about letting their lips touch anything you eat or drink, "I don't know where her/his lips have been?" you think.

So the next time someone or even yourself teases, "You're in love..." Know the difference.

Nicholl McGuire 

Wednesday

What's There Not to Love About Dating Older, Dating Younger?

What's there not to love about dating older men or dating younger women?  Plenty, depending on who you ask and what has been one's dating experience has been like over the years.  From immaturity to boredom, there are turn-offs about dating anyone older or younger.  Therefore, you must be willing to pick out what you are capable of putting up with and what is most certainly a deal-breaker.

My name is Nicholl, the creator of this site, and I can tell you that for years I have been exposed to older men very interested in dating younger women.  I have personally dated my share of older men as well and married two (one I am still with to date).  But as I began to exit my energetic 20s and entered into my insightful 30s, what I thought I liked about dating older men had changed and what I thought they liked about me had changed too.

You see, the more you date, the more you learn about the manipulators, liars, pimps, players, and others who have far too many personality disorders to count amongst the good guys who just want to make you happy.  As a young woman, you find yourself having to put up with some old fools, for a time, because you got yourself in a situation or two that you can't immediately exit without some degree of difficulty.  Then, as you mature, you realize some older men just aren't as fond of you as you might think or portray.  You discover they have been with so many women physically over their years, in addition to grappling with one or two mentally, that their mental capacity for dealing with yet another new face is overloaded.  You discover that some (of course not all) mature men aren't really thinking or believing in long-term relationships anymore.

There is plenty not to love about dating someone younger who is immature, unstable, and still angry with dad, her last boyfriend, and everyone else in between.  Further, one just might find that his young date may be a disappointing "all show, but no go."  The same holds true for the older man who naively thinks that simply decorating himself up with some nice clothes and "smell good" while filling his pockets with some cash is all that it takes to keep a young woman interested.  This tactic doesn't work for the wise young ladies on the dating scene.  They are going to eventually request more time, affection, attention, and love and when the old player doesn't deliver, it is on with the next one.  The young lady will be looking to exit the relationship sooner rather than later.

Take the time to list everything you don't like about dating someone older or younger and then ask yourself, "What am I willing to tolerate?"  Taking this moment to reflect just might help you be more selective when it comes to dating older men or younger women in the future.

Nicholl McGuire contributes to this dating blog site as well, click here.

Monday

Broken Hearted Older Men with Issues - Young Women Don't Waste Your Youthful Years

He has yet to get over decades of heartbreak.  The mentally-disturbed older man has his share of the following:  self-esteem issues, sleep problems, sexual problems, mood swings, and weird behavior that if anyone knew, people would warn, "Keep away!"  Of course, a single, young lady, who thought the older man was rather attractive during their first meeting, didn't know this about him during those times they lived separately and periodically went out on dates.  But now, all hell has broken lose!

Independent young women, from around the world, tend to find out things the hard way when it comes to dating mature men.  These men are skilled at being everything young women want them to be, that is until their dates sincerely get to know them.  It is then when they act like fools, acting in ways that make a young woman think, "He's crazy, what did I get myself into!?" 

When the young woman can finally say in confidence that she knows her older gentleman suitor, it is usually after she has been robbed of her youthful years worrying about him and what he might do or not do concerning her and possibly children!  Her partner is a senior citizen behaving like a 20 plus year old leaving her feeling insecure, jealous, and angry, because he simply doesn't have his mindset and/or heart together!  

"What on earth happened to my mate?" She thinks.  "Why is he so grumpy?  What did I do?"  Don't beat yourself up with questions if you are a young woman reading this, you did no more than any other woman would do: you entertained him, did nice things, gave him good conversation, had sex with him, and became that friend he wanted.  Now if the older man, with issues, can't see the benefits in being with someone like you, and has given you much grief for the things that originally won him over, then it's time to move on!  Don't change who you are to suit someone who expects you to accept him for who he is.

Many young women who once were jovial in spirit, lose what little happiness they have left, because they allow a broken individual to sap their energy with his constant complaints, criticisms, and other rude behavior.  Sometimes the only way a man can truly see the diamond he has seated next to him is to lose her!

There are those young women who have dated their share of older men who have mentally and/or physically scarred them over the years, that they finally arrive at a place in their lives where they don't want to date another older man 10 plus years.  Good times become one too many bad times and so some of these young women will swear off dating old guys.

No matter the age, there will always be a broken hearted guy who just doesn't believe that he is a troubled individual.  He will talk himself into believing that he just can't seem to find the right girl, when in fact, he is the reason why he can't seem to get along with most young ladies long term.

Perceptive young women can spot a broken, desperate old man from how he walks to how much he stares at them.  The broken man doesn't think too much about how he makes others feel, because he is more concerned about controlling others to make him feel better--as if they can make him whole again.  Consider this, when an older man doesn't hear the questions that a young woman asks of him and isn't interested in answering them during their dating phase, it is clear, he isn't interested in her mindset.  When he doesn't take much interest in considering her suggestions for a future date, he has shown that he is a selfish individual.  If this older man doesn't bother to make his date feel good by complimenting her, then he lacks compassion and is more concerned about other people and things then who she is as a person and could care less about keeping her around long term.  And most of all, if he doesn't plan a future with her, then he has made it plain, she is nothing more than his "in the meantime" experience--that is until someone better comes along.

So before things, get too serious for some of you readers, recognize potential problems and know that a broken hearted older man can potentially sap the very life out of you if you aren't too careful!  If you are already in such a relationship, find your peace of mind and make plans to be rid of your burden if nothing changes for the better.

Nicholl McGuire

Thursday

Plenty of Reasons Why Older Men Date Younger Women, But Middle-Age Issues Live On

So older men date younger women for a variety of reasons from Boaz marrying Ruth to protect a family name to a relative simply liking a young lady and wanting to take care of her--no big deal, right?  Right.  But what if upon closer inspection some of those male mid-life blues start to show up coupled with issues he has carried from the last relationship with a menopausal woman, now what?  The young woman has her work cut out for her--that's what!  She has to be strong, focused, love herself, determined to make the relationship work (that is if she loves her partner) and have a support system that will advise her when things don't look good in the relationship.

I thought of this topic yet again (already wrote about it in the past on other sites and this one) as to why a man dates younger when I noticed many middle-aged women (both on and offline) behaving immaturely (ie. dressing inappropriately, cursing, fighting unnecessarily with partners)--purposely acting like young women in an attempt to keep their man's attention.  However, deep inside these middle-aged women feel jilted, angry, and jealous about the relationship between those "cradle-robbers," as they put it, and " young thangs."  These women's snarky comments, reveal a lot about their insecurities, unresolved issues, and more.

Men who date younger have spoken online and other places saying, "they don't like to feel old, menopausal women make them feel old."  I guess if one complains often about their aches it can be a turn-off.  I have heard menopausal women share a long list of issues with their co-workers about things like: vaginal dryness, weight gain, mood disorders--you name it!  So if they are talking about these things at work, I can only imagine how much more they are sharing with partners!

I would also assume that if a woman isn't taking care of herself both inside and out, her man is going to stray.  He is not going to keep being understanding if his wife/girlfriend keeps telling him, "I'm sorry I can't have sex tonight...these hot flashes are killing me...don't touch me.  Leave me alone!"   A weak man is going to eventually lust or look for a woman who he hopes will make him feel better than the last.  He is going to watch for the woman who doesn't have as many women issues as those who are more mature.  Remember,the old adage, "You can't teach an old dog new tricks?"  This is also true for the mature women as well.   

Some mature men grow weary of telling so-called responsible women (both young and old) to take care of themselves.  Notice I didn't say all.  From smelly (you know what) to managing money, women who don't take heed to advice that their mother may have told them or should have, will not keep any man around for long!   

Being that I am not middle-aged yet and not considered youthful either by societal standards, I can date men both young and old (since my face and body at times is deceiving for some),  I am personally indifferent to the topic of dating older and younger now that I am headed for the big 40, yet I do like to write about it and share my observations.  But really, who are the individuals who get a rise when the topic of older men, dating younger women arises?  Scorned middle-aged mothers and daughters, they care.  "Dad left mom for a younger woman who's like my age, wtf!?"  Her mom yells, "Go back to that baby, you call a girlfriend, Pig, Chester the Molester!"

These women care a whole lot!  The insecure wife is often left alone while her husband plays with the twenty-something year olds who could care less that the man is married.  Mom, on low self-esteem, hurts inside because she once looked a certain way and now thanks to society, she is forced to try to work on a face that is no longer holding make-up well.  She despises her body shape and will often comment about others being "...so small...Look at her...I wish I had her body..."  Meanwhile, her daughter just doesn't see men in the same way.  She wonders what the future holds.  She is angered that the young lady is old enough to be her friend.  She thinks, "Why is my dad so stupid?"  Hormones played an impact on dad's decision-making especially if the young woman is old enough to be his daughter.  Sure, there were other reasons that made him like the girl, but most assuredly a mentally stable man, who has a relatively good life and his relationship has very few issues, is not going to suddenly abandon it for a young woman.  But unstable men do it all the time and cover up the true reasons with a barrage of mainstream excuses.  The ignorant overlook the deception and don't bother to think deeply about the topic.  "So it happens, old guy, young lady, who cares?"  They dismiss all reasoning; instead, some just say,  "S$%t happens."  While they move on, middle-age issues live on.

Nicholl McGuire
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Sunday

7 Signs an Age-Gap Relationship is Over

You might have noticed a partner isn't acting like he or she is interested in staying in a relationship with you.  However, you don't want to assume the worse unless you see the following signs.

1.  He/she often complains about the other, to not only family and friends, but strangers too.

Jokes, insults and other statements that make one angry come up all-too-often.  One's partner feels like he or she is not liked much less loved.  When feelings of upset are mentioned, the offending one acts uncaring and doesn't acknowledge his or her partner's concerns.

2.  He/she has feelings of regret having met the other.

"I knew she was too young...I should have listened to my family--he's too old."  The thoughts plague one's mind to the point where there are feelings of discontent and regret left behind.

3.  There is a disconnect when conversing about important matters.

From topics about one's plans to issues about a job, when the couple talks to one another there is no attempt at making one another feel comfortable and secure in the relationship.  Statements like: "I don't get you...You don't understand...why do I bother talking to you..." increasingly come up during discussions.

4.  Plans of a future together are discontinued or no longer discussed.

When someone mentions marriage, children, buying a house, moving in together, etc., the couple isn't the least bit interested.  They have avoided all communication about being together long-term, if anything, they are planning to break up in the near future. 

5.  Frequent disputes including threats or violent attacks.

Unforgiveness, bitterness and resentment have taken root.  No matter how hard they try, nothing helps.  They think about paying one another back for the last incident that left one or both with hurt feelings.

6.  Thoughts of cheating increase or has already been done repeatedly.

Everyone else looks better than one's mate.  So thoughts of a new relationship with someone else are heavy on the mind if he or she hasn't already begun the process.

7.  Lies and cover-ups about one's feelings gradually stop occurring.

The liar or cheat starts getting sloppy with their cover-ups and false story-telling.  They are showing no signs of wanting to stay in a relationship.

Once it is confirmed in your mind, body and spirit that your girlfriend or guyfriend isn't interested in you anymore, move on with your life.  Save yourself the drama of make-up to break up.  When a man or woman is no longer interested in being with one's current partner, things only get worse, they don't get any better no matter how many promises are made.

Nicholl McGuire 

Friday

Last Minute Valentine's Day Gifts for a Young Woman

Most men will show up at a lady friend's door with flowers and candy, this is still a hit with most women.  However, what if she has allergies and chocolate isn't her favorite candy?  Here are simple, inexpensive gifts to make her smile. 

1.  Something she has often mentioned and still has yet to buy.  For the men who pay close attention to their dates, try getting a few of those inexpensive things and then include a Valentine's Day card mentioning that, "I was listening when you said you needed..."

2.  A cute box to hold future clutter with something inside like a decorative picture frame of the two of you is memorable.  Include a card.

3.  His and hers anything with a note.  From a couple of pretty wine glasses to a quality towel set, these items say, "I still believe in our relationship..."

4.  Costume jewelry is only good when it does have lots of gold and other paint on it that can easily come off.  Look closely for signs of tarnishing.  Also, keep in mind, that if she doesn't typically wear beaded items, decorative charms, etc. and has skin allergies, don't take the chance buying cheaply made items.

5.  Valentine's day is also a good time to pass on a family heirloom for committed couples--not those who are just getting to know one another.

6.  Create a handmade card and include a bottle of perfume that you would like to smell on her.

7.  Purchase a gift card to her favorite store, nail or beauty shop.

8.  Write a letter and include an I.O.U. coupon promising to take her to an outing, perform a service, or something else since you forgot to plan for the holiday.

Other things include: balloons, stuffed animals, a pretty red or pink shirt, an accessory by a favorite designer, a book of a favorite celebrity, something engraved with her name on it...

Remember, these are items you would give someone you are just getting to know.  But women who have been around for years, you will have to do better!  Electronics, gold or sterling silver jewelry, birthstones, airplane tickets, money, pay off a bill, help with chores for the day--unexpected things always blow them away!

Have a Happy Valentines Day!

Nicholl McGuire

How to Date an Older Man

Over 40 plus male interested in a youthful beauty in her 20s, but his eye candy doesn't have a clue on how to date older men.  So she acts strangely, distant, and even nervous when he talks to her. 

There really isn't anything that different when it comes to dating a man, young or old.  Of course, most personalities, social class, political views, appearance, and other things are different, but simple communication is basic.  So choose to focus on that rather than everything else that society has bombarded you with. 

"What's your name?  How are you?  What do you like to do?  Would you like to go out sometime?"  says the older gentleman.  His approach isn't complex.  The young woman can say, "Yes..." or "No..." real simple, right?  Well for some young women, they act as if there is something so different in dating an older man to the point that they worry themselves.  While out on a date, it is obvious that some are uncomfortable and lack confidence.  One can shake off feelings of worry by talking about the atmosphere, sharing details about interests, and asking questions while smiling and laughing at a joke or two.

Older men who have dated much, know how to put their dates at ease.  This is key in having a good time while on a date.  They may say something shocking to get a reaction or joke about someone standing nearby.  Most know not to stare at their dates as if they want to undress her at the moment or make statements that only make a date want to run and hide.  Men who are confident in who they are and really want to make a great impression on their young dates will take it slow.  There is no rush to be anywhere.  They have made the time to listen to a long story.  They enjoy getting to know their young beauties.

Things to consider when dating someone more mature.

1.  Don't think of him as someone so important, so smart, and so whatever else that you can't have a simple conversation with him.

2.  Forget about what you think you know about him.  Ask questions to find out more.  "What is your profession?  Can it be challenging, how so?  Do you hope to do something else in the future?  What are some things that you have accomplished in your life that you are most proud of?"  These questions and more will open up a quality dialogue.

3.  Don't assume he has dated so many sweet, nice, and intelligent women that you are less than acceptable to date someone of his social class or age.  Think: if he had so much success with women why is he still single?  He is flawed like you, so be prepared for anything.

4.  Don't say "Yes" when you really mean "No."  Before you date anyone, you should already have personal boundaries established.  Tell yourself, "I don't know this person well enough to kiss, have sex, commit to a relationship, etc."  This way you won't be caught off guard if he should attempt to persuade you to go to bed with him.  Also, don't say "Yes" to impress when you know nothing about a topic, a certain food, a location, etc.  He will find out eventually that you are lying.

5.  Talk about things that matter to you and watch his reaction.  Players will digress from serious topics.  They are more concerned about getting physical needs met and not how you feel about your job, family, and other important things.

6.  From a restaurant to a private spot to make-out, avoid going anywhere you don't feel comfortable.  The skill level of gaining a woman's trust is very good with a mature man, so good, that a young, gullible woman just might fall for anything.  So when in doubt, don't continue to go out.

7.  Stay away from conversation about your past boyfriends, jokes about mid-life, and things you know that if he was to bring up certain topics you might be offended.

The more knowledge you have about mature gentlemen, the better!  You will find that one's worries about dating someone older were unnecessary.  Tell yourself, "I am good enough to date any man of status.  I am intelligent, beautiful, and am going places in life.  I'm just as interesting, if not more, than my date.  I deserve to be heard."  Stating positive affirmations before going out on a date while viewing one's self in the mirror are empowering!

Have a great time!

Nicholl McGuire writes more tips on dating here.    

Thursday

His Wife Ended the Relationship for Good Reason - He's Far from Perfect

"That is just so wrong what she did to you...you are a good guy...well, that's okay, I'm not like her," says the young woman who doesn't know any better.  She believes that because she is in the middle-aged man's life that all will be okay, but will it?  Rather than be critical or assume falsely she was a bad ex, a wise young woman would ask herself, "What did the ex-husband do to drive the poor woman insane?"  Then she would be observant of everything the man is doing and saying to her and others while making a determination whether or not she could tolerate her lover in the long-term.

The ex-wife (or wives) drove him out the family home for reasons beyond what those closest to the former couple knows.  She signed the divorce papers with good cause.  There was something wrong, terribly wrong with the man she once fell in love with and she could no longer subject herself to her former husband's abusive ways.  Abuse comes in many forms besides physical--a person can only put up with so much before the mind and body beg to be rid of The Problem. 

Often the talk of male midlife crisis comes up when an older man dates a younger woman, but what rarely is mentioned in troubled relationships is personality disorders.  You may have welcomed a broken man into your life who has yet to unveil his true colors.  From bipolar disorder to schizophrenia, there are many 40 plus men with mental issues, in addition to male midlife challenges, that are too complex to deal with for an ex-wife much less a young lover.  These men may have even stumped a few doctors over the years with all their problems.

Sometimes young women will speculate on how and why things ended in their mate's last relationship based on what he says.  However, as she learns more about his past, she discovers that there was really more to her lover's reasons for the break up than what he cared to mention.

Personality disorders aren't to be taken lightly. They can't be dismissed when they manifest themselves under great stress then stick around a lot longer than expected.  Men tend to do many unorthodox things when they can't get a grip on what is happening on the inside of their mind, body and spirit and aren't much interested in getting necessary help.  What's worse, busy people, with full schedules, don't see the signs a relative or friend is indeed falling apart.  Others choose to ignore these troubled males, because they don't want to take on yet another burden.  They say, "He will be okay...I will just pray about...I hope he doesn't hurt anyone.  Maybe he will break up with his new lady friend before she learns how he truly is."

The menopausal wife who decided to give her ex the walking papers decided to deal with her own issues apart from a troubled husband.  She refused to keep assisting someone who may have hurt her  very badly all the while refusing to change. 

The young woman might want to think twice about her older date's history before committing.  If she should make a rash decision, she may learn later that she indeed bit off more than she could chew.  If one reading this has mental issues, be honest with your partner, take necessary medications/vitamin supplements and don't expect someone to be the cure all for your emotional and hormonal issues.

For others dating older, pay attention to signs that an older man has a personality disorder by doing things like:

1.  Watching the way he looks at you.  Does his stare make you feel uncomfortable to the point that you want to get out of his presence?

2.  Do you fight with thoughts inside your mind of staying with him or breaking up?

3.  Do you often find yourself being blamed by him for things you didn't think or do?

4.  Does he frequently put words in your mouth or twist your communication?

5.  Is he controlling and forbids you to go places or see certain people?

6.  Does he fight with you about things that shouldn't matter much like a simple statement or comment to help him?

7.  Does he have subtle or bold quirks about him or strange mannerisms that others would say, "There's something not quite right with him."

Anger outbursts, silent treatment, pressure that keeps you tensed/emotional, false accusations, sneaky or unexplainable behavior, sexual problems, and frequent lying are all signs that there is definitely something wrong with a friend. 

Nicholl McGuire

Is it Really Love or Societal Brainwashing? Making Boys out of Grown Men

"If I am more concerned about the way I look and feel while making someone else happy who just so happens to be younger than me, then I am going to overlook those people and things around me that don't feed my ego--no matter how important they might be to me."  Sounds like a little crazy thinking, huh?  Well, the selfish, arrogant, mid-life male has an interesting way of reasoning why he does what he does.  "I need love, I need someone to appreciate me...and by God, I'm going to find her!"  How about thinking like this, "I am unhappy right now about many things and rather than focus on someone else or something else making me happy, I choose to focus internally on a broken me, how might I be able to fix me?"  Sometimes it is simply a trip to the doctor that helps, a moment with one's Creator, and a supportive network of others who are solving their woes.

Let's face it, we all are aging, even the young women out there, but what seems to be happening is this fight to look and feel younger is messing with many supposedly mature men's minds to the point that they are losing jobs, money, marriages, relationships with children, and more!

I have read comment after comment on various sites about 50 plus year old men finding 20 something young women "compatible, fun, sexy," etc.  It is nice to read that many men have found a compatible partner that "...gets me," so some say.  However, are they really in love or is it lust?  If we were to interview these same men who have been dating for a month, or a year or more later, will they still feel head-over-heels in like/love for their young mates?

With so much media hype about defying age, one can easily band aid one's crisis with someone or something that doesn't remind him or her, "You are getting old..." there are more than enough options.  It doesn't help matters when you don't have supportive people around you.  Older women tend to make less than uplifiting comments about aging, mature friends will joke about getting older, and even young people will tease the middle-aged about what they look like, but for some men it is no laughing matter about growing older, so they defy it by doing just about anything that says, "You still got it, man!" 

Many mature men aren't interested in young women simply because they don't want to take advantage of them, they are like daughters in their eyes.  These men consider themselves wise and aren't the least bit interested in seeking a fountain of youth.  They love their wives, appreciate their sons and daughters, and are content with who they are--gray hair and all!  Some mid-life men who aren't so blessed to have a family that is still intact, refuse to allow media brainwashing to make them feel like they ought to find someone younger to complete them, so they too opt out of the age gap dating scene. 

When one is in love, of course, age doesn't matter, flaws are of little concern, and one is enamored with all there is, beauty, brains, body--you name it!  But every now and then, the idea will pop up in a mid-life man's mind that his young partner will awake to a harsh reality.  "He just is too old for me...he isn't what I had in mind...what am I missing out on by being with him...how much longer will he be able to satisfy me sexually?  I think my parents are right, he's just too d*mn old!"

One must contemplate whether a May-December relationship is just that, meant to be only months long, rather than years.  Tricks are for kids and one who is maturing and aware that time is important, doesn't want to play any games with his life.  Yet, society plays mind games on many middle-aged men by telling them to do things like: watch games made for boys, play games made for boys, buy boys' toys, and sit amongst The Boys.  So if one is so focused on activities made for boys, where does a mature woman fit in?  She doesn't.  So off he goes with the girlfriend meant for a boy not for a man--get it?  Thinking back, what do most young adult boys do anyway?  Lust after young girls then have sex with them.  They play a sport or two, work a job, spend money on an expensive toy, drink alcohol, travel, and do it all over again tomorrow without a care--that is until the following happens:  someone says, "I love you!"  She contracts an STD, says she's pregnant, wants to get married, asks for one's money or wants to drive his car, now the adult boy is forced to become a man.  Now what he does with that young woman, during those trials, will determine how much of a man he truly is-- age is irrelevant.  "I don't know what to do...why didn't you protect yourself...who were you sleeping with...you aren't getting my money...you aren't driving my car...you're not my wife...I'm not marrying you!"  The adult boy, full of regret, plays the blame game, looks for an escape, and acts selfishly.  This is why he can't last with a woman his own age, the mind has yet to mature.  And how will it, when he constantly permits himself to be programmed by people and systems who are unsupportive of the natural aging process?

We must all take some time to question our motives, our feelings, and why we do what we do.  For some mature men, young women lose their shine after awhile, especially when some ladies can see through an adult boy's games.  They know when they are being played, and sooner or later they will either create a game of their own or bail out.  Some mature men lose their shine because they just don't get the younger women particularly the wise ones.  However, young women don't become wise overnight and neither do adult boys who still have a lot of growing up to do!  Both need time to understand who they are before they can understand one another and they must also recognize when they are being brainwashed by the powers that be.   Is he really having a male midlife?  Is she really seeking a father figure? 

In closing, men: avoid the "boys will be boys" mentality coupled with age defiance, and get real with yourself, your family, and that one you claim you love!

Nicholl McGuire is the author of many books.  She is looking to advance her virtual assistant role and small self-publishing business in the near future.  Learn more here.  Angel investors are welcome!

Friday

Age-Gap Dating: He's Old, Your Not -- So What's the Problem?

There is no age on love.  When you love someone you just do, there are no disclaimers, no shallow reasons, and no convincing oneself through affirmations!  You aren't focused on what the person looks like; rather you are more concerned with how your special someone makes you feel.  However, when the person isn't doing his or her part to make you feel special, you will begin to see flaws--all of them.  In time, the person's weaknesses become what's important rather than everything else if you don't keep things in proper perspective--you aren't perfect either!

An older man may have his own personal identity crisis due to the aging process complete with erratic hormone levels and the like.  Sometimes he takes his issues out on his youthful beauty, other times he doesn't.  Problems arise in the relationship when there is the up and down roller coaster ride of emotions that might be triggered for any number of reasons.  One day the mature man is confident in the relationship the next, he is not.  Although age might not be a factor (just yet) with the young woman, it may be an issue with him.  The young woman isn't aging as quickly as the older man.  She isn't experiencing any mid-life crisis.  She has very few, if any, unresolved issues from the past.  Her debt isn't any where near his.  Jealousy just might rear it's ugly head with some insecure, older men.

Witnesses who interact with the couple might see some things that they don't see in the couple's relationship.  If the older man is acting in ways that make the young woman consider things like breaking up, there is cause for concern.  Despite her youthful age and look, she might be feeling like the trouble of being with someone older just isn't worth it no matter how much money, notoriety or other things her older partner might have.

If you find yourself going through a myriad of emotions related to his age, think about whether dating an older man with his own set of personal hangups is really something you can tolerate long-term in addition to everything else you might be dealing with in your life.

Nicholl McGuire

Thursday

When a Relative Says " No Way" to Dating the Old Dude

Not everyone in the family will be supportive of a young woman dating an older fellow.  When this happens, it makes it difficult to focus on the relationship.  Male relatives can be overprotective and even threatening when it comes to their loved one going out with the "old dude" they may even wish death upon him for coming into their young relative's life.

Any man who sincerely wants to be in a relationship with someone will fight to be with his partner, but he won't be a fool to stay when all hell is breaking lose because of his mere existence.  One would be wise to determine what type of fight will he be fighting and how long in order to stay with his young date.  He will also need to observe his young partner's mannerisms whe dealing with family. She may still be too young mentally to handle being in a relationship with a mature man and too fearful to stand up to family.

Threats of violence from the woman's family members and friends just isn't worth it although some men enjoy a challenge.  However, one would be better off waiting until the young woman is independent and away from troubled relatives.  If she is in love and genuinely cares for her older man, she must understand that he is not going to keep putting his life at risk to be with her--no matter how beautiful she might be.  Chances are a relative or friend may have warned him to go away or else.

"The old dude" is typically hated by one or a few relatives simply because he may have done some things to the young woman that she shared with relatives who were supposed to keep quiet about, but didn't.  They don't like "the old dude" for good reason even if all parties don't know what about. 

Sometimes the older man did nothing during the dating process to hurt the young lady, but just the sight of an aging man going out with the young, attractive person just might be too much to bear for some.  Thoughts might be, "What does he want with my daughter/niece/sister/cousin?  Who does he think he is showing up at my doorstep...I know his type!?"  That type might be like the one questioning the relationship, a liar, cheat, pimp, player type.  It takes one, to know one.

The couple will want to consider the family's objections; however, don't permit loved ones to dominate one's choice in a partner.  Maybe there are some things that they see in one or both individuals that are a sincere cause for concern. 

Nicholl McGuire also maintains and contributes to the blog:  Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate. and Relationship Advice.

Tuesday

Understand a Father Daughter Relationship Before You Date a Young Woman





If the young woman doesn't feel love from her own father, she may be a problem for you.  A good father raises his daughter to be self-reliant, spiritual, loving, etc.  If she isn't interested in being controlled, reliant on you, and has a faith, be grateful for that!  Don't fight her on it. If her dad is protective, he has good reason. Check your own relationship with your daughter or the one you never had. Could you be involved with a young woman because you really desire a quality father daughter relationship?



 



Saturday

Young Woman You Wanted a Rich Man

So you decided to pursue a man with riches.  You placed yourself at the right place at the right time whether on or off the Internet.  However, now you have some thoughts about who he is and all that comes with him that aren't so positive.  Well, when this sort of thing happens; take a step back.  You will need to re-evaluate whether you are willing to compromise personal beliefs, make yourself available more than you want to, and other things to keep that rich man in your life.

There is more to life than money, but for some women, whether young or old, that is all they think about.  "How much can I get out of him?  I need this paid...what will I have to do to get him to pay for it?" These thoughts and others can create unnecessary stress.  Worrying over how to get someone to do something for you can be burdensome.  How much do you trust yourself to get what you want?  How much do you value you?  If your date is so rich, why do you feel the need to have to jump through hoops to get him to help you?  When you find yourself thinking more about his riches and less about the man himself, there is a problem--a big problem.  Sooner or later you will start to dislike who you are because you secretly feel the way you do about the rich man and his riches.  In addition, you just might lose interest in the rich man if he starts rejecting you often.  Keep in mind, he will be watching to see if you are indeed interested in him or his money like so many others do.

You may have to tweak some things about you so that you can honestly have a great relationship free of the complications that money and sex can bring.  Maybe you need to get out more, pursue hobbies, take classes, or do other things to make you more interesting.  Often young women become insecure, controlling, and rude when they feel their position in a rich man's life is being threatened.  These issues could be avoided had these women started a relationship with the rich man for the right reasons.  A rich man will also need to think about whether he wants more with his young partner in the future, because he knows that in time, there is the possibility that she might want more with him.

Being with a rich man isn't easy.  For purposes of this article, rich isn't defined by how much money a man makes only, but everything else that he has as well.  A rich man could have many assets, people around him he works with, talents, hobbies, a great personality, and more.  The wealthy man shows no evidence of being poor in much of anything.  For a young woman who doesn't have much, his lifestyle can be overwhelming and intimidating.  Immature women who aren't use to dating rich men can act strangely, rebel, and have temper tantrums like children.  If you or someone you know is acting in ways that is causing a rich date to act more like a father figure than a lover, than the relationship will most likely be headed toward a dead-end.

Embrace all that comes with the rich man good, bad, and ugly only if you are accepting of his ways, the people around him, and goods.  However, if you know that you are losing your identity and what you stand for while dating such a person, then back off.  Maybe he just isn't the answer to your prayers that you thought.

Nicholl McGuire

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