Wednesday

Physical Abuse is Not the Norm

In the following video, you will see a teacher demonstrate a scene of physical abuse with a young actress.  What is disturbing about this video is how something simple in an argument is escalated to the point that the two are arguing.  Although the two are acting, there is something to be said when dating someone younger, one must have patience, be understanding that other males will be in one's life, and have much self-control. 

May-December relationships are not immune to physical violence.  When you find that you are becoming easily irritated over things that most wouldn't typically overreact to, there is a problem--remove yourself from the argument before you feel moved to strike your partner.

Watch the skit.  Please note:  the title of the video is misleading, they are acting.


Sunday

Talkative Younger Woman for You or Against You?

She is a sweetheart, young, vibrant, and enjoys keeping you company, but there is just one problem, she talks too much.  From what she ate for breakfast to how often she visits her relatives, she always has a story that makes you feel like you are going to need to take a nap before you can concentrate on all that she has to say.  The best thing you can do with your talkative girlfriend is...

1.  Prepare her in advance for that future interruption you plan on using to get away and on with your day.  Tell her before she starts talking, "I have XYZ time before ABC needs to be done, so tell me the story but if it goes too long, we will have to discuss part two next time."

2.  Listen with eyes and ears.  The more you look away, allow others to interrupt her talk with you, or tend to tasks without looking the least bit interested in what she has to say, she will keep talking and talking while making her story more interesting until she can get a rise out of you.  Be attentive and only respond unless absolutely necessary, otherwise your young mate's conversation will get even more lengthy.

3.  Remind her periodically during the conversation that you are listening by acknowledging her story-telling.  "Yes, I hear what you are saying...really?  What?  And she did what?"  Also, ask her if she would mind telling you the rest of the story after she explains a bit without cutting her off especially if you have reacted to what she has to say.

4.  Avoid the temptation to cut her off when you haven't heard the whole story.  A premature tip/advice/suggestion/criticism without knowing all the facts will possibly cause a debate which will only move her to talk more--most likely loudly and emotionally.

5.  Never assume your lady friend is done talking just because she says, "Hold on for a minute I need to..."

6.  Keep away from unnecessary jokes, name-calling, and other statements that don't add anything interesting to the conversation.  The more you say something that has little to do with the subject matter, the more your young partner will feel like she has to explain herself.  You do want her to stop talking, right?

Sometimes couples will assume that certain subject matter from previous conversations will result in an argument since the last time "she said this..." and "he said that" and on and on.  However, give your young woman the benefit of the doubt simply by listening and not saying too much.  Leave personal opinion out unless you feel as if she is attacking, misleading, manipulating, lying, or getting you to do something you don't want to do. 

Remember, most couples end up with bad partnerships, because they simply are inattentive and lack understanding--listen before you speak, put yourself in your partner's shoes--would you want an intimate partner who is for or against you just because you talk long? 

In closing, try hard not to complain about how often or long your date talks--consider it a nice that she finds you interesting enough to talk to.  Find some good in conversing with your partner irregardless of how much time has passed.  Part of bonding with someone is permitting her to be herself with little criticism about what she says, how she says it and how long she talks about whatever she says.

(For Christians reading this, ask God for some patience, understanding, and more love in your heart for your mate!)

Nicholl McGuire
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