Tuesday

Thoughts on Leaving Older Partner to Date Younger

He made a decision to leave his older partner, because he no longer found the relationship interesting anymore.  She chose to leave her older mate, due to the age gap that started to affect things like: romance, conversation, and the way she saw herself.  Both left older to date younger in the hope to find someone more compatible, more affection, energetic, and more.  Of course, there are pros and cons to doing this, lets review some of them.

Dull Romances

We can't avoid those periods in our relationships where everything starts to become a bit mundane and routine.  Unless one is working an interesting job, have a great network of people that keep him or her excited, and money to spend to visit fun places at will (along with the desire to do it), the person seeking to leave his or her older partner just might be as boring as them, but just doesn't realize it yet.  Running into the arms of someone more interesting is just a temporary pick-me-up, but sooner or later you will begin to notice that the same things you didn't want in the last relationship are going to start to show up in the new one.

Health Concerns

Unfortunately, some couples just can't make it, because one or both can't handle health issues.  From andropause to menopause woes, if a lover didn't have the patience to contend with those health challenges with his or her last partner, what makes this person think that everything will be just fine with someone younger?  Most young women can still bear children which will affect the body in time especially when she starts having that need to want to become pregnant.  Many take birth control which has been known to fluctuate mood, weight, and more.  So for the older man who thinks he can do better by getting someone younger while leaving an older partner and possibly children behind, he just might inherit a few new problems that he might not be ready for like a future offspring affecting his mood and weight.  Also, take into consideration the many people who are walking this earth with an incurable sexual disease, mental disorders, criminal records and other issues brought on by wreckless behaviors, bad parenting, peer influences, etc.  Know what you are getting into beyond the nice smile, sexy body and whatever else you are looking for.

Relatives and Friends

No matter who one dates, there will always be certain relatives and friends that may be very important in his or her life that the one dating younger won't necessarily like or agree with.  Criticism comes and goes from loved ones when starting any new relationship.  But if this is one reason why you just can't stand being with your older ex, it's not a very good one especially if you still have to deal with a few relatives because of children.  Besides, you just might find that your younger mate's relatives and friends won't be any easier on you particularly if there is a significant age difference between you and younger mate.

Money

A young woman who leaves a relatively stable relationship just because she feels like her older man just isn't doing it for her, might regret her decision later.  If age is the only factor that bothers her, nowadays there are plenty of things men can take and do to better their lifestyles.  But leaving an older man solely for the beauty of a younger man is foolish and unwise.  Money may not be a factor in the relationship, but then it might be.  Some younger women stay because of money while others leave because there is no assistance for what they have to put up with concerning an older man (ie. aging process, children with an ex, long work hours, etc.) so they go back to dating younger.  However, young men, who aren't necessarily ready for a committed relationship, but think they are, have been known to be unfaithful, immature, and unreliable in serious relationships.  Also, consider many who are irresponsible with their finances and selfish.  But for those young men who aren't, the young woman just might find a treasure in more ways than one.  For older men, who believe that a younger woman can complete him, know that most young women aren't established and don't have the wealth that he who has had decades to build.  An older mate will find that at some point in the relationship his younger partner will need his financial assistance, so if he isn't the generous type, there will be issues.

These are just some of the many things one who is interested in leaving an older partner for a younger mate might run into.  For some readers, this piece might have discouraged and if so, most likely you still love and respect your older mate.  But for others, you may still want to leave your mate for any and all reasons, just keep in mind that those "in love" feelings with a new someone are temporary and they are not what builds a healthy long-lasting relationship, but you know that already.  To your success!

Nicholl McGuire is the blogger for this blog.  Check out others: Things to Do Bored and Parents, Babies, Children

Thursday

Their Not My Grandchildren...

It happens, mature fathers being mistaken for grandparents of young babies and children.  "Your grandchildren are so cute and well-behaved..." the passer-byer says.  "Not my grandchildren, their mine..."  says the mature dad.

Have you been guilty of falsely assuming that someone older was a grandparent instead of a parent?  Maybe this has happened to you or your mate.  You may have experienced negative emotions as a result.  For some men, it makes them feel old, but for others they just might need a humble moment such as this if they have been guilty of deceiving themselves into thinking they are young. Meanwhile, other men couldn't care less what someone says, and will write their comments off along with everything else, "It happens, so what."

Yet the grandchildren comment is one of those incidents in life that one might want to use to motivate himself to be the best dad he can possibly be during his remaining years.  Why waste valuable moments of fatherhood chasing after selfish interests like many young dads?  Someone or a group of individuals reminded you through their comments, "You are a father" irregardless.  But some men, don't adjust well to their roles while others don't act like it.  These older fathers refuse to embrace the fact that they aren't 20 or 30 plus anymore. 

Being with a younger woman doesn't make an insecure older man look or feel any younger as he gets older, if anything, it just might remind him of how he should have, could have done some things differently in the past.  However, children are here now, so one might as well plan a quality, pro-active life with everyone even if he isn't as youthful as he once was--no excuses.  The man will have to eat properly, exercise, take supplements, and keep up--in more ways than one!  The realization that his family is younger and he is older is a reality check that can help him progress or regress depending on how much he can look outside of himself.  Having a young family and caring for them, is an unselfish act which many working mature men or retirees don't always accept or appreciate.  They see bills, more than thrills and the idea of commitment gives them the chills--lol!  For some, they rather act as if the young woman and children don't exist, a mistake that they wish they could erase. 

A mature father that is secretly unhappy with his life choices might want to consider start living life in such a way his children won't grow up one day carrying feelings of resentment.  "Dad really wasn't into us...dad loved his work more than us...I wish we had a younger dad at least he would play with us..."  You may have thought such things about your own father.

If you do live to see your grandchildren, what stories might you tell about your sons and daughters?  What have you learned so far about life?  How might you do things better moving forward? 

No matter how many people mistake you for being a grand-dad, know that what really matters is how much you love and care for your children--putting all titles aside.

Nicholl McGuire



Thursday

They Will Call You Ugly, Old and What Do You Want with My Daughter

Be prepared for the backlash, mature gentleman, if you want to date younger!  There are some angry moms and dads who don't want their daughters dating in their words, "an old, ugly no-good man..." and whatever else they choose to call you either behind your back or to your face.

So what's with all the anger? You might think, as they look at you like one who has committed a crime.  "She is old enough for me to date," you think. 

Most likely, their beloved daughter has shared something about you that made them label you as "One to Watch."  Your type may have been seen before or maybe they know how their daughter can be--whatever that means to them, so they don't really agree with you being in her life.

If you don't want a negative report getting back to your mate's friends or folks, then don't do anything that will make them want to call the police, show up on your doorstep, or forbid their daughter to never set eyes on you again.  Shall we go down the list of things not to do?

1. Physically fight her.

2. Try to keep her in a room against her will.

3.  Lie about a wife, a job, your past, etc.

4.  Deny that you know someone in her family.

5.  Act as if you are better than members of her family (even if it is true), don't act arrogant and then tell her about what you are thinking.

6.  Play head games with her in an attempt to make her be what you want her to be.  The family will be watching to see if she changes the way she looks for you, drops out of school, stops being around them, has no life of her own, etc.

Older men who find themselves in hot water with the family are those who think that they have a toy to play with, rather than a fellow human being who wants to be loved and treated with some respect.  A controlling man, who likes to play mind games, will stop at nothing to get a young woman to fall in love with him.  This is so that she will be loyal and take whatever he is dishing out.  If he has a fetish, she will fulfill it.  If he wants her to do some things that he could never get his wife to do, she will do it.  If he desires a trophy and nothing more, then she will be it.  Of course, none of which she does for him comes without a requested token or reward.  You know, "I like those shoes, could you get them...? Do you think you can help me pay my student loan bill...?"

Why bother to seek out any woman, young or old, rich or poor, smart or dumb, to be nothing more than an object to meet one's selfish needs?  A wise man who desires love is going to build a foundation and a reputation that says, "I am not an old fool.  I seek a committed relationship.  I want what is best for your daughter.  I intend to respect her and I want her to do the same."

Now that, my friend, is a real man!

Nicholl McGuire maintains this blog and others including Things to Do When Bored and Work Place Problems
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