Wednesday

OMG! He Acts Just Like My Dad!

Maybe that day has never came for you.  Maybe you only heard about it, you know, the young woman who comes to the revelation that her older date reminds her so much of none other than her father--oh no!

The mature man is not going to receive this eye-opening experience from the young lady, especially if he considers himself rather young in spirit, he is going to avoid the "You act like and kind of look like my dad" conversation like a plague.  What the heck, this older man probably feared his younger partner would one day arrive to this sudden epiphany! 

When the older man was listening to that young woman's stories about her father early on in the dating relationship, he was thinking about himself.  He was comparing, contrasting, and contemplating, "What if this is all some sort of daddy issue romance playing itself out?  What do I do?" he thought.  Well, you do what any respectable man does, you acknowledge her feelings and you remind her, "But I am not your dad. I repeat I am not your dad."  Then you work real hard not to do anything that appears daddy like such as: parent her, "You are to give me a time when you intend to be back, young lady!" or tell her when she is hurt, "It's okay boo-boo daddy loves you."

Now the young woman is going to reach the point of no return at some point in your dating relationship, where she is not going to go back to that daddy revelation for it is quite disturbing and you will know when she continues on in the relationship as if nothing has ever been revealed.  She says things like, "I truly only want to be with you.  I really would like for us to get married... and what do you think of children?"  She sees you as a lover, friend, and husband but not as a  father, good for you!  

Once you can detect that you, if you are the younger woman, or you, if you are the mature man, realizes that nothing can separate you, not even memories of dad, go ahead, take the next step.  But if every time you two have a moment to converse and she starts talking about "my dad this and my dad that and you act this way and that way just like my dad with a glint of anger in her eyes," jump ship--she has some serious issues that if you don't have the time, money and patience, don't bother trying to direct her to some help while you are still having sex with her.  Better off just being friends.  And for the younger woman, you will need to spend some time alone if you are having a hard time removing the images of your dad and childhood issues concerning him.  You see, no one wants to be reminded that they look, act, smell, dress, or are like someone else--no one!  We are uniquely designed, all of us.  Sure, I might remind you of someone and you might remind me of someone, but we both have many different facets to who we are if only we would all just take the time to discover them in our relationships rather than compare them to the past.

So don't run away mature man if the young woman suddenly realizes that she has been attracted to you, because you remind her of the first man in her life, it just might be a passing phase.  However, younger woman, if it really does bother you that the gentleman you like/love is very much like your dad, don't take the relationship any further.  We wouldn't want you to feel like you are sleeping with your dad--now that's just nasty and besides if you have a faith, you might want to pray about your issues.

Nicholl McGuire

Nicholl Shares Thoughts From a Spiritual Perspective for Women Dating Older Men


Here is some thoughtful insight on dating someone older for the younger women.  Hopefully, you will walk carefully and choose wisely.  Enjoy the video!

Sugar Baby, Sugar Daddy 

by Nicholl McGuire who is the writer of this blog and other ones.  She also has written various nonfiction books including When Mothers Cry


For Some Men & Women It's Just Sex

There is nothing significant about that new sexual partner that makes an individual desire a long term commitment particularly when that isn't what he or she truly wants anyway.  For some couples, it's just sex--nothing more and nothing less, that is until emotions get in the way! 

A man in a 10 plus years marriage, who lies about it, is looking for someone or something to break a mundane lifestyle, but his intentions is not to lie down with his younger fling forever and always.  If he were completely honest, he would tell her so.  A young woman with many bills, an active lifestyle, and isn't interested in dating younger guys these days because she has needs that goes beyond the bedroom, is most likely not seeking a long-term commitment either especially if the mature man isn't offering much conversation or affection.  Both have immediate needs, but a long term future, not likely.

When we find ourselves seeking people who are mentally or physically unavailable (or maybe we are the ones guilty of this sort of behavior) and have no strong desire to be nothing more than bedroom partners, you have to wonder, "What is going on with me?"  It is better to be alone and content then to be with someone who is going to lie about loving his wife or be with a younger woman who just wants to manipulate men for selfish gain.  So much emotional energy wrapped up into something that has no solid foundation!  

Some couples in wishy washy relationships end up leaving them with a few mental marbles loose.  Words are exchanged during bedroom sessions that tickle ears and before long, a lover believes that something more might come out of this short-term fling only to be left heartbroken.  "We agreed, we wouldn't get serious, remember!?  I told you I am in a relationship, I have children!" the married man yells.  "But I love you and you said I was the best thing in your life!" the young woman cries.  "I know what I said, but that was when we were having sex!" her lover retorts.

I think of times during my past when I was misled into thinking that some men were sincerely into me and only me.  But later, I would learn that I was the alternative, the back up plan until cheating men would be welcomed back into the arms of their number one girls.  "Stupid me," I would think.  Assuming that a nice guy was right for me.  There is a whole lot more going on with nice guys besides what meets the eye--I am a witness!

There are those nice guys who are bad guys.  They seek out women who are willing to go out with them and eventually lay with them.  If she doesn't do what he wants on his time schedule, then she is marked as "hard to get" and then he is on to the next one.  Older, more experienced, men  are clever.  They will say just about anything to fulfill sexual needs.  I recall a man promise to let me stay at his large home with a pool and other amenities he thought I liked (mind you, I don't know how to swim, see how much he paid attention to me?)   He used what he had to lure me to come over an entertain him (yet some men don't want gold-diggers, why use your wealth to charm?)  I politely declined his request.  He had an impatient and irritated tone to his voice and lost my number.  That older man made his intentions clear and I made my boundaries clear.

Too many young women settle for foolishness for material wealth.  But one day, reality sets in and you find yourself looking in the mirror at your ugly self.  You start asking that immature woman inside of you the hard questions, "Why do I put myself through this?  Why can't I just sit back and enjoy my life for a bit; rather than worry over dates?"

Remember, once you see signs and listen closely to one's intentions while dating, you have a choice, either you will raise your red flag or you will give in.  If you should give in to a man or woman's demands, be prepared to enter a journey that you might or might not be ready for.  There will be surprises and they won't all be good.  There will be emotional highs and lows that might leave you feeling like you are out of control.  And, most of all, there will most likely be disappointments because you will quickly learn, the more you get to know someone, the more you realize sex isn't all you need.  Before long, you will be on that path of trying to break free from your lover which isn't always easy to do.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of When Mothers Cry, Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate and other books. 

Monday

Age Gap Relationships - Tips For Dating An Older Man | WeLoveDates

Here's an article worth sharing.  Although the information is similar to what I have here, I feel it is a friendly reminder for those young women interested in dating older men, enjoy!

Age Gap Relationships - Tips For Dating An Older Man | WeLoveDates
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