Monday

Your Issues, His Issues and Now Our Issues

So you thought you could be everything to him or her.  You bought this person nice things.  You made time to go with him or her here and there.  You really thought you met your match, that is until you started looking more closely at this person you slept with the other night.  "She is a bit off," you think.  "He seems to be a bit slow," she thinks.  Whatever you noticed about this person, it has put a damper on your relationship.  Now you hope that this person will do something that will make you fall back in lust (or love) with him or her-- good luck.

Once truth reveals itself in people, it becomes hard to get the fantasy back.  You want that person to be that special someone you met over and over again.  Immature people think in this way.  People desperate for someone to come rescue them from their past also think like this.  Before you know it, you got someone yelling, "Why can't I find the right someone!"  Could it be, that you want your dates to fulfill a dream rather than a reality?

You have your issues when you came into the relationship that most likely you wanted your date to overlook.  Then there was the issues.  Your date had some and you had your share.  Then there were those issues you had together.  With all of these "issues" also known as relationship challenges, it isn't any wonder that this romance started quickly and then ended just as quickly. 

If there is no room in the relationship to just grow freely of the complications of an ex, the baby, the money, the relatives, the friends, an abusive childhood, etc. then yes a beautiful fantasy dies and it may never come back.  You should never think a person is going to be your cure all!

For many people, they know, starting this year, it is time to bury the fantasy and welcome reality.  They must want to do the things that are right for self and the relationship.  But where to start?  A change of mindset, a reality check!  Look at the things in the relationship that is causing it to become unbalanced, miserable, and something you no longer want.  If you allow a relationship to grow in a setting free of outside influence, criticism and unresolved issues of the past, how beautiful it can be!  Keep in mind, it takes work, lots of it.  But if you are in love, and not in lust, it will go the distance.

Nicholl McGuire

Sunday

A Blog for Men Seeking a Nice Woman to Date - WhereToFindGirl.com

I don't often speak of other websites to visit for dating advice, but this one is a nice blog for men who are having trouble looking for that nice gal.  Written from a male perspective, the site is like this one, filled with useful advice.  Read here.

Friday

Advice for Young Mothers Interested in Dating Older Men

Some daters believe that because they are easygoing about most things, they are compatible with many different types of people no matter the age or background.  They falsely assume that because they maybe in a similar situation as their date, such as:  being a parent, divorced, or have other responsibilities, that those they connect with can relate and most likely will handle their circumstances in the same way that they do.  However, despite all the similar interests and life comparisons, people are people and they will do things that will leave others scratching their heads, such is the case when a single older man chooses to date someone half his age or younger who is a parent of small children.  Maybe he dates her because he was in a similar situation 20 years ago or he remembers the pain of a breakup and how it impacted his family, so now he wants to be helpful.  Whatever the reason that draws him to the young mother, he may be very interested in having a relationship with her.

You have to wonder though, why someone would bother taking on some, if not all, of someone else's burden despite his or her age.  Of course, there is such a thing as love, but there is also such a thing as desperation.  Some people can't stand to be lonely!  They will sacrifice their carefree lifestyle and peace just to be close to someone.  But their are others who have a more hidden reason for dating someone that may seem trivial to many.  There may be a certain interest or look they desire so much in someone else that they will tolerate just about anything to be with him or her.  This strong desire is also known as obsession. 

Maybe the younger woman has gorgeous long, blond hair that this older man absolutely loves or beautiful hazelnut eyes that seem to draw him in everytime he looks at her.  Whatever that "thing" is that she possesses, the older man doesn't mind putting up with all the baggage that comes with her just so that he can enjoy the benefit of being with his ideal mate.  Two small children, an ex, an overbearing mother, money issues, and a home filled with past memories may be a part of this young woman's world, but the desperate older man doesn't seem to care just so long as she is fulfilling some aspect of his fantasy.  "I don't care about all that other stuff!  I love her!  She has beautiful eyes, nice long hair, and coca skin!  I always wanted to be with her type!" 

Some of us have gone to great lengths over the years to date our ideal look.  We have given those exs a pass on just about anything that they did just so that we can satisfy lustful desires.  We envisioned our soul mate to look and act a certain way.  So when we got what we thought we wanted, we didn't worry over whether our exs were compatible with our core beliefs, just so long as they fulfilled our weak desires.  However, once their issues with things like:  family, money, friends, etc. started disturbing our fantasy world, then we either fell out of love or fell away from the relationship.

Let's face it, most older men who are doing well in life and have already raised their own children,  really don't want to become dads to babies all over again.  It was a stressful period in their lives.  Now they want to be free to do what they want.  Me comes first in those golden years!  It should be obvious to the young mother, that the older man and the ex didn't make it when their children were young, what's the likelihood that he will make it in a new relationship where mom is younger and her children aren't his?  What to do, what to do?

Some men may take advantage of the situation and keep the young woman around for occasional sex and a partner to go here and there with, but if the young woman is often without a babysitter, most likely she will be unable to go to many places.  Instead, most of the couple's time together will be spent at her home or his.  There must be an understanding between them early on as to what each want of the relationship.  Without this knowledge, head games may be played resulting in unnecessary relationship drama.

A man who feels like he may have to compete with the children or ex may not stick around.  He may be more apt to find a suitable partner for his needs.  Being a single parent is hard, being a young single parent is even harder!  There are still so many challenges in life that a young mother must face like learning more about herself and what she wants out of life, health changes, career changes, parenting issues, and maybe an increase desire to get married and have more children.  Some caring older men don't want to be an additional burden to someone who already has enough burdens in her young life.  Others would try to help.  But the majority of older men, would stay away.  They have been there done that and really don't want to have to do that all over again!

Every person is different; therefore there are some exceptions to the rule.  There will be those older men who will date younger women with children just to do something different or as explained earlier, there is something about her that fulfills a fantasy.  However, don't expect a long-term commitment unless the man truly desires a wife.  Unfortunately, most older men have already been married before and are not interested in doing it again especially with someone very young.

Nicholl McGuire 

Monday

Does Looks Matter? What Will Others Think About Me Dating...?

When you are attracted to someone, one of the first things you are going to pay attention to is how this person looks.  Now some optimist types would say, "That shouldn't matter, it's what is on the inside that really counts."  Well, that's all well and good, but welcome to reality older man, younger woman, looks do matter to some, but to who is the question?  Does your mate really care about you?

You may be the kind of person who doesn't care too much about looks.  You may not have a certain type that you prefer to date.  You may not be bothered about whether a woman or man is black, yellow, red or white.  But there are those that all this is important.  This is why you must be sure that who you are dating isn't faking it to make it.  Does he or she really love you inside and out or is this person just tolerating you for now?

There are some people who just know how to act very well when it comes to being into someone.  They will pretend like they enjoy their hobbies and interests when they really don't.  They will act like gray hair, wrinkles and being overweight doesn't bother them, when it really does.  Some men and women will fake being comfortable on a date with someone younger or older.  Meanwhile, he is hoping that his mother, ex-wife or sister won't happen to see him walking down the street with his younger mate or she is praying that her dad doesn't see her with this old man.

You have to be confident with who you are when dating someone older or younger.  You will get those looks.  People will make you feel uncomfortable.  I recall when a group of guys walked by me with my older mate and they were staring.  They looked at me then him and back to me again.  One commented, "Why is she with that old man?"  My stomach dropped.  I was shocked, I couldn't say anything.  To this day, I don't know if my date heard the young man.  Needless to say, the young man's words affected me for at least a day.

Be sure you are willing to stand strong in a relationship such as this especially when the naysayers start bad-mouthing your actions.  Don't be a coward or try to defend your actions.  If you are in love, then so be it.  Who cares what anyone else says?  However, be prepared for some stressful moments and try not to let other's words and reactions affect your dating relationship.

Nicholl McGuire
See more writings related to relationships here.

Wednesday

Moody, Irritable, Argumentative and 50 Plus? Cramping, Bloating and 18 Plus?

In the past, this blog has provided information on Andropause.  This is a health condition that affects males which is caused by a deficiency in testosterone.  Now as much as our society likes to deceive us into thinking we are all younger than we think, the truth be told is that we are all getting older.  As we mature, things like our memory, mood, and body are affected.  We don't remember things as good as we use to.  We become more easily agitated by little things.  Our body weight increases and it becomes more challenging to lose weight especially in one's mid-section.

I am referring mature males who happened to come across this site to the following link below as well as young women who may not understand Andropause.  Hopefully, couples will become more knowledgeable and understanding of this condition.

http://www.channel4embarrassingillnesses.com/video/embarrassing-old-bodies/consultation-andropause/

Also, at this website, I would like readers to check out additional subject matter related to women that might be causing some issues in your relationship as well.  Look up PMS, PMDD and Perimenopause at the site.  Any woman who has a menstrual cycle will be affected.  Mood swings, anger problems, bloating, cramping, lack of sexual drive, etc. are all issues that affect young women too. Some women don't suffer much during their premenstrual cycle while others are affected a great deal.  This condition can also impact your relationship especially if you aren't aware of the symptoms.

So do check out these health conditions it might be a serious wake up call for some of you as to why your past relationships didn't work out.

Nicholl McGuire

Tuesday

Immature + Mature = More Relationship Problems

A dating relationship between older and younger, rich and poor, even handicap and well can work, but immature and mature? Nope.  A mature man dating an immature woman will not last if the immature woman doesn't ever grow up.  The immature older man and the mature younger woman dating relationship won't work either.  Common sense shows that when one is dating anyone incompatible with he or she, it is only a matter of time that if one person doesn't conform to be more compatible, the dating relationship won't work in the long term.  This would explain why some intelligent folks dating the immature might compromise normal behavior for abnormal or why some unintelligent folks might start "acting" more mature.  If you want your relationship to last, you have to make some changes whether they be right or worse, wrong for you.  That's right I said wrong, because some people are more concerned about wanting someone to like them; rather than questioning whether certain behaviors are just wrong.  They are willing to conform to just about anything just to keep that man or woman that they are benefiting from which is so wrong!  If you start doing some things in the relationship that you know aren't right for you, beware, it is only a matter of time that you will grow weary of trying to "fit in" just to stick it out with someone especially if this person is the immature one.

Most people as you know, don't like change.  So the older you are, the least likely you will want to change.  For instance, a silly, immature young woman will see a more serious, older man as boring when she is still interested in going out with her friends and partying.  A silly, immature older man may consider a mature younger woman as an "old soul" and feel like he could have dated someone his own age since this younger woman acting older doesn't represent his idea of what a fountain of youth may look or act like--something he might have been craving.

There are many logical as well as illogical reasons as to why someone would be looking to date someone older or younger, but if you are going to enter into this kind of dating relationship, you have to pick someone that is compatible with you whether you consider yourself to be mature or immature.  Trying to find someone who is on your level of maturity, may be difficult, because sometimes dates will manipulate who they really are at least until you get to know them better. 

You may want to ask what your closest friends think of your level of maturity.  Sometimes we may think one thing, but the world sees someone totally different.  Not being honest with yourself about your level of maturity will make it even more challenging to find someone compatible.  Some people think because they are a certain age they are considered mature, but not so fast!  There are many older men who act immature and many younger women who are surprisingly mature.  When the two meet one another, at first, it seems like they may have a lot in common, but then in time, the two will find that one is really not who he or she claims to be.

What the younger woman may have thought was a mature man seated in front of her, turns out to be a little boy looking for some motherly attention and what the mature man thought was this young, free spirit, is really a full grown woman looking for a man to love and care for her in a future marriage.  If you look beyond the surface when choosing a date and pay close attention to the mannerisms and thoughts being conveyed to you by your date, you will find yourself getting a good look at what the future might hold with this person whether he or she is straightforward with you or not.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate  

Thursday

You Wanted that Nice, Sexy...Now You Got It!

Oh boy, did you ever...!  "You got that nice piece of $%^?!" one of your boys says as if he doesn't believe it.  You are just smiling from ear-to-ear about that special man or woman in your life.  The world has stopped spinning and all you hear anymore are birds chirping.  You and your younger partner have isolated yourselves. You both have a "me and you against the world" mentality. 

So you thought I was going to say, "But..." right?  Of course, there is a "but."  But, it's for your own good, boss, dad, college student, retiree or divorced.  You know these titles will make or break this kind of relationship if you or she isn't comfortable with them.

Where do you go from here, mature man?  One of you or both should be asking this question, because anyone who has ever been in a relationship always comes to this point.  So it might as well be you who is reading this.  How will being in a relationship with your younger partner benefit you in both the short and long-terms?  Or, is there really any long-term?  You have heard the experiences of people in these kind of dating older/dating younger relationships.  Are you conducting yourself in that "full speed ahead until we crash into a wall" fashion in this relationship?

What about your career and/or educational goals?  Is there room in this relationship for that?  What about a possible pregnancy?  Do you really think aborting would be the best option or keeping the child?  How will your partner fit in with your family?  Do you make enough money if you are retired to help your younger partner?

Love blinds us.  Reality awakes us.  We can use every cliche in the book to make us feel at ease with what we are doing in our personal lives, but seriously mature man, we (both men and women of all ages) all need a voice of reason just in case that special someone breaks our heart.

Sure, your taking it slow, but then again maybe not if you already had sex with her.  Sure, you will come to that bridge when you get there.  You may already be there if she has been sharing her feelings about you.  Don't wait.  Talk about the things that matter when it comes to your intimate relationship with your younger woman and those who care about her.  She (and they--you know her family) just might still respect you in the morning.

Nicholl McGuire

Read more work by this writer here.

Tuesday

Too Old, Too Young? Think Before You Act

If you have dated someone younger or older, you most likely have heard someone say, "He is too old...She is too young..."  As much as we would like to debate about "the age thing," the truth is if someone tells you the truth, you ought to listen.  Who doesn't want someone to love, who has nice things, and enjoys activities that others our own age doesn't?  But when you compare apples to oranges, there are many others out here in the world that you most likely will have more in common with your own age or near your own age.  You have to see more in a relationship with an older or younger person besides, "We both like playing video games...we both enjoy walks in the park...we both love puppies!"  On the outside looking in, these reasons are cute, but they don't represent reality.

There are many older men with young boy personalities living in their bodies like there are many younger women with older women personalities living in their bodies.  It seems like a great combination, that is until the two start living together.  You never know on what day the old soul will come out or the playful boy will show up which can cause many problems in one's  relationship.  There isn't really anything you can do about a person with alters like these.

Know who you are dating.  The older man became the playful boy, because something triggered such a personality in his old age.  The younger woman became the old soul because something also happened in her lifetime to make her that way.  A mature man liked what he no longer is (young) when he looked at the younger woman, but was drawn to the old woman inside of her.  The younger woman liked what she didn't have (a mature figure in her life) when she looked at the older man, but was drawn to the young man on the inside of him.

Sure, you can converse about your different personalities, complain, sigh or moan to that relative or friend, but none of your issues with that person will make his or her alters go away--nothing!  You either deal with them or you don't.  Relationships like these can get rather complicated, so despite being in a relationship like this myself, you won't always find me encouraging others to jump on board especially if I know they have some serious personality or unresolved childhood issues.

Of course, there are those relationships that go the distance, but oftentimes you find out that many of these kind of relationships are dead-ends.  They start out with a purpose, but then in time someone or something creates a major shift in the relationship.  It is then that "the pretty young thing" or "old man" becomes yesterday's old news.  You might even hear one day, "What happened to your girlfriend?  What was wrong with him?  I told you it wouldn't last."

Nicholl McGuire
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...