Wednesday

7 Mistakes Some Mature Men Make with Younger Women

He finds someone who he really likes, a younger woman, someone who looks like she could be his daughter.  The more he spends time with her, the more he sees a future with her.  However, there are obstacles internally and externally that prevent this courtship from being a wonderful, memorable experience. 


The mature man made some mistakes during this age gap dating experience that makes her question his loyalty, possibly caused discord among family and friends while leaving the couple feeling uneasy about the future.   

You could be making the same errors when it comes to dating younger women.

One.  Are you impressing the younger woman with your material wealth?

Stop it.  If you don't want a gold-digger don't encourage her to act like one.  Be humble, modest about your wealth.  If asked, answer briefly, but avoid bragging.

Two.  Did you tell others how old she is?

If you did already, stop that too.  If you don't want condemnation, don't invite it!  The more you talk about how young and youthful she is, the more the uncomfortable tension in the air will grow especially amongst jealous older women.  You will be making it hard for her to be welcomed into your inner circle when you bring up her age often.

Three.  Are you having sex before really feeling comfortable enough to be seen with her in public places?

Don't do it again when you know you aren't ready to present her in front of everyone.  You are only setting yourself up for future arguments.  If you aren't serious about her, don't make her think you are.

Four.  Do you talk about your young partner with exs in order to create a desire for them to want to reconnect?

Why would any man do this?  But they do.  An ex is an ex for a reason and drawing her out of her cave of anger and confusion by talking about your new girlfriend often is only going to make matters worse sooner or later.

Five.  Do you lie or cover up unflattering details of your life in order to keep your young partner around?

So as to appear like he is in the know and is "cool," some older men will not share much about themselves and act more interested in their date.  If you want an open, honest relationship, it would make sense to share aspects of yourself as they come up, not hide them.

Six.   Are you acting controlling, like a father, and forbid her to have a life apart from you?

A younger woman can detect a father figure a mile away.  Some gravitate to older men because there are some things that they do that remind them of their fathers.  However, many don't want their partner to become their father.  So when you find yourself monitoring her every activity, you have to ask yourself, "Do I have a desire for a daughter?"  If this is the case, let her go, don't use her to fulfill your void.

Seven.  Do you keep her a secret and then spring her on critical family and friends?

There relationship is not off to a good start when you can't even talk to your family about her or you feel apprehensive about sharing someone that you love with them.  Conquer the fear and the nervousness simply by preparing everyone who you know will support you and leave out those you know you don't.  Springing a younger woman up on anyone will make them do more gossiping than welcoming--and how do you think that negativity in the air will make your partner feel?

Take a moment to pray, plan, and protect that one you believe is the apple of your eye!

Nicholl McGuire

Monday

Whose Whispering in His Ear, Her Ear?

A younger woman and an older man in a dating relationship is often critiqued by those who think he is too old and she is too young.  The critic doing the questioning is often jealous or has been hurt in the past having been in a similar relationship.

The opposition against the relationship can be so stressful at times, that sometimes a younger woman or older man dating one another will cave under the pressure.  He starts permitting his mind to be open to what an ex, mother, sister, brother, cousin or someone else says about his choice in a partner.  The younger woman starts believing what the aunt, grandmother, or friend believes about her man's intentions.  Before long, the couple lies in one another's arms with other people's concerns on their minds while distrusting one another.

The couple is also more likely to see the flaws in each other; therefore, one's attitude might be often negative.  She becomes easily irritated with him.  He starts focusing on all the things that make her wrong for him.  Neither one truly sees the part that the outside forces have played on the relationship.  She thinks, "It's him."  He thinks, "It's her."  No one bothers to trace back their negative emotions to that phone call with a jealous friend who isn't in any serious relationship or that mother who is jilted because her husband doesn't treat her so well.  "Why do I feel this way?"  The couple should ask.  "It wasn't that long ago that I felt my partner was "the one," what changed over time?  Who have I been talking and listening to?"

The sooner you take control over your emotional mood swings concerning the relationship, the better!  Consider the source.  When you find that the person you are spending time with encourages you to talk about your significant, cut him or her off and turn the tables around on him or her, "How is your relationship...what have you been doing lately?"  Chances are they aren't too busy or too happy, because why would they bother to involve themselves in your personal business?  After you know whose been aiding you negatively, the next thing you want to do is limit your conversations with this person or gradually cut him or her off when it comes to your personal business.  You will also want to spend more time focusing on the positive regarding your relationship and work toward winning your partner's trust, respect, love, etc.  If you don't back up your love with some action, unfortunately your relationship will be doomed to fail.  Keep negative, foolish people out of your ear!

Nicholl McGuire is the author of When Mothers Cry and other books.

Friday

Christian Dating: Older Men and Younger Women

In the Bible there are men in relationships with younger women.  For example, Boaz and Ruth were one such couple.  Now there is nothing wrong with men and women dating one another.  But what is wrong is when manipulation, lying, abuse, sexual sins, and ridicule is included in the relationship.  Just think, if all of this relationship drama was ongoing in the book of Genesis with the first couple, Adam and Eve would have been fighting one another, ignoring God, and turning their future offspring against one another!  Then again, who knows what they said to one another after they were expelled from the garden?  When dating someone who is younger or older we have to understand that just because they attend church, read the Bible, have a history of being saved, sanctified and Holy Ghost filled doesn't necessarily mean that this person is someone who we should be dating and this person may not be who God had in mind for us.

Sometimes, as believers, we are very quick to assume that someone we are dating is "the one" and "chosen by God," because they simply appear to act like what we think a believer should be.  We start trying to make a square peg fit in a round hole.  "He likes what I like...," she says, but upon closer inspection, that isn't altogether true.  "She is perfect for me...," he boasts, but then six months from now he is on his knees crying out to God, "Send her away, I made a mistake!"  Not so fast!  You wanted someone to come into your life because you were most likely lonely, desperate, confused, or just wanted a friend.  You might have had a list of what you wanted, and so now you got her or him with a few things added to that list and a few removed.  Why would God permit certain experiences to happen and not others when it comes to relating to the opposite sex?

Well, we are to trust in God and we are not to lean on our own understanding, so the Bible tells us.  We should also consider Romans 8:28 when it comes to our personal experiences.  God has a way of teaching us a lesson or two about life and it isn't always going to come from a church setting, a CD, or a Christian television program.  Sometimes these fires we put ourselves in, God will put them out for a time and teach us while we are looking on at the destruction that we caused for ourselves and others.  It's like God taking us by the hand and pointing out our faults, "See what you done, now look what I am going to do.  I know that you made a mistake, but I can't let you just walk away, there are some things I need to teach you about yourself, the other person and how this all relates to my perfect will."

So if you believe in a mighty God and you know that you may have made some mistakes with someone or you are seeking God about the person you are currently with, may I direct you to the original plan, what does God want to do in you and through you?  What do you recall about walking with him, before you got distracted with this person, job, children etc. that he wanted you to do in the first place?  You might have to go back to the Book of Genesis in your life to get the answers you need.

Consider this, don't let an older man/younger woman dating relationship keep you from your higher calling.  Stay true to the God who saved you back when your current partner "...didn't know you when...!"  Men and women can't save you, but an awesome Creator whose son's name is Jesus can, get back to spending time with your first love and he will lead you when it comes to your human love.

To God be the glory!

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Know Your Enemy: The Christian's Critic


It’s Not Always Easy Dating Someone Almost Half Your Age (Younger or Older)


You may not admit it to those around you because you don’t want them to tell you, “I told you so.” But it’s really not easy to date someone with a mindset that is from decades ago when women/men acted this way and that way.  It can be challenging to be with someone who has more energy than you and sees years ahead of them to get things right, while you think “I don’t have long to live to not get things right.” 

So on and on we think about just how different we are from one another—older man, younger woman—until that one day when he or she says some things that make us feel like, “Well maybe we aren’t that different…”  But then disagreements come up and suffocate all the niceties, don’t they?  Things are said that remind us of those age differences once again.  “She is so immature!”  He says.  “He is so old and boring!” She thinks.

You try to deny the truth and suppress your uncomfortable feelings, but neither is working.  For some couples, they start obsessing about ending the relationship.  Then they enlist others to encourage them, “Maybe being with him/her is not what you really want.  If you would have listened to me, I would have introduced you to someone who was more your age.” 

When you are all alone at home or in your car and with no distraction, you have to make up in your mind whether you are committed to this younger woman or older man.  Are you?  You have to be the one that decides if this person is worth all the criticism, future joy AND upset, health issues, etc.  If you know that you just don’t have the energy, mindset or time to commit to the relationship; then don’t deceive yourself or that older man or younger woman who might possibly be in love with you.  Let this person know that you are not interested in marriage, living together, children, or anything else that typical committed couples have.  Rather, tell the one you admire (or possibly might love) that you are still working on some areas in your life, and you are not quite ready to settle down.  It is better that you are open and truthful, this way your lover/friend can prepare his or herself emotionally and not demand any commitment from you.

Friday

You Don't Need a Husband, You Want a Temporary Lover

Young women everywhere consider this question, "Do I want or need a husband?"  There is a difference between wanting and needing.  A want is simply thinking about having something, but there is no pressing need to get it.  "I want a Mercedes Benz, but I could live without it," says a fan.  But her friend says, "Well, I need to get one, because my dad and I are in business together and we have to make a statement when we pass by observers.  Besides, I hear they are good road cars and we will be traveling a lot."  So you see the difference between wanting and needing.  When it comes to men, like cars, there are those you need and others you just want.

There might be women in your circle pressuring you into thinking you need to consider getting married, while all you really want is a temporary friend with benefits.  Of course, church-goers frown on the latter.   However, being that we live in a world that appears to celebrate all things immoral, it isn't any wonder why many women opt out of a potential marriage and prefer singleness.  In addition, when you are a woman, who has it all ie.) material wealth, children from a previous relationship, good friends, etc., what good is a man other than for periodic sex anyway?  This is how some women think and men know it, so they are careful not to fall in love with the "I have it all" types.  Yet, what tends to happen over time is a woman starts wanting a serious relationship with a man who she has convinced for years she doesn't want as a husband, how might you think he will react?  "Marriage?  Uh.  I thought you didn't want anything serious?" he questions.

Be certain of your feelings, what you hope to give and take from a relationship, and why you may or may not be interested in a long-term commitment.  Communicate your thoughts to your future husband or temporary lover. 

Nicholl is the Author of Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate
October is Domestic Violence Awareness
http://laboringtoloveanabusivemate.blogspot.com
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