Thursday

Don't Believe the Hype: Not All Young Women Can Be "Trained"

I couldn't believe my ears, some years ago, I was told by someone, who had been around the block or two one too many times in life, that the reason why he specifically dated young women and others like him was because they were "trainable."  Like dogs, he believed that he could get a woman to act in a way he wanted.  Little did I know that later in life I would run into my share of men who thought that I was one of those "trainable" types.  They quickly got a rude awakening!

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It is so sad that there are men in this world who have been given such relationship advice when it comes to dating younger women.  They believe that if they can get young women (or any woman) to "go along just to get along" the relationship will work out in their favor.  Keep in mind the plan doesn't include having to give up anything that makes him a little bit uncomfortable or inconvenienced for a short or  long period of time. Maybe the older man is a father of small children and needs someone to babysit them so that he can have some personal time since the mother is no longer around, women his own age may not be interested in the role, but a young woman just might.  Although he may tell the younger woman, "I don't need you to raise my children, I just need a companion," if she is wise, she knows better.  How are you going to be in a serious relationship with any man who frequently has his children around him and you have zero influence on them unless you never interact with them?  The intention of the man is not to keep his new woman out of the loop, if anything, he is looking for a help mate or dare I say it, for the player type, someone he can take advantage of!

Now some women, whether young or old, fall for the niceties that mask one's true intent; however, others know better.  The manipulative older man is not going to get a young, wise woman to go along with anything without her questioning everything!  This is one of the main reason why some stubborn, settled older men will never get along with the independent, career minded younger women of today.  She isn't going to accept a simple yes or no answer from an older man when the question asked requires a full explanation.  She is going to be curious about public affiliations as well as private interests.  The wise, young woman has a "head on her shoulders" which makes her not trainable.  The manipulative older man should save some time and energy-- just move on!

Like young women who don't have much in life to start, the older man doesn't have much life left, so he is going to make the most of it!  "What can this young woman do for me?" He thinks.  "How can I get her to see things my way?"  The older man doesn't think he needs to do much compromising with the immature and youthful, because in his mind, he feels he has already paid many dues in life and besides he has been there and done that.

The older man has experienced long term relationships in the past, he knows what he has to give up.  He has heard the complaints and concerns from his previous sexual conquests.  So with a young woman (also known as a fresh piece of meat in the eyes of some lustful men,) he believes he can convince her that he isn't that person he used to be.  For some men, they do change, but not without sacrifice.  Some have lost finances, partners, children, homes and more to be that nice, humbled guy standing before you.  However, others will never change no matter what happens to them, if anything, things just might get worse for them and those who they choose to partner up with!  Would you want to be that young woman who comes into his life unsuspecting that he has a plan to train you, so that he can benefit in the short or long term?

Sometimes we have to put ourselves in other people's shoes when we come up with plans to try to make people do what we want.  That young woman is someone's daughter and that older man is oftentimes someone's father or even grandfather.  How would you feel if you were either or and along comes someone with a hidden agenda in your life?

Nicholl McGuire
Author of She's Crazy 

Wednesday

One of the Worst Mistakes a Young Woman Makes When Dating Older Men

I was thinking about one of the worst mistakes I made as well as other young women that I have known over the years who have dated someone older. The worst mistake we made was trust that everything an older, married man tells you is truth.

Gullible young women who want to be loved fall for the old, "I don't love my wife" trick.  They assume that the relationship between the older man and his ex is emotionally and physically over after 10 plus years and that somehow the once loyal, married older man is now in love with the younger woman.  Not so fast!  Even if he isn't sleeping with that older woman that he has left behind, doesn't mean that his heart is over her.

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Young women want older men who can love them the way they want to be loved.  These women have had bad experiences with young, immature men.  What a breath of fresh air when the young woman finds an older man who sincerely loves her even if he is still married!  However, beware that there are some married men who just need a temporary distraction, something that will make them forget about their future ex who just so happens to be the mother of their children, a business partner, or an on again off again lover.

Young women, don't allow yourselves to be caught in a married man's lies!  "I don't love her...we never have sex...I wasn't sleeping with her...I don't visit her...we don't talk on the phone...I'm going to divorce her and marry you...I love you...we have so much in common..."

The deceptive, older man manipulates his words to get you to perform in ways that he wants.  If he desires to date you and wants you to date him exclusively, then he will make himself more available to you and he might give you some money and gifts to keep you interested.  If he wants sex from you, then he will test you to see how much work he might have to put in to get you to go to bed with him.  Meanwhile, his heart may be reserved for that woman he left who helped him raise children, build a business, invest in property, and more.  You might recall the deceptive, older man say something to you like, "I broke up with the ex because we no longer got along, she was boring...didn't appreciate me...always argued...cheated."  Sure, and he never did anything wrong always said, "please and thank you."  Don't fall for it!

One day that older man is going to realize that he would have been better off with the wife of his youth; rather than try to get a new one to preserve his youth and that's when hearts will be broken.  Don't be gullible!  Young women, watch more and talk less when dealing with an older man and never trust everything he says as truth until proven otherwise.

Nicholl McGuire
Author of Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate
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