Wednesday

How to Know You Are Not Ready to Date an Older Man

You like the idea of dating someone older, but are you really ready? Article provides tips to help you answer that question.

He approached you whether in person or over the Internet, you know how old this older man is and you think you might take him up on his offer to go out, but do you really know what to expect? You may know enough about him that turns you off, but there are a few things about him that turn you on more. Questions come to mind such as, “What if I don’t like him? What would my family and friends think if I date him?” This is why it is important to seriously think through whether you want to date an older man. Here are some signs to watch out for that will help you determine whether you are ready or not.

One. You can’t seem to look past his gray or thinning hair, sagging skin, age spots, or deep lines and wrinkles on his face and body.

Two. You complain often about his choice in television and radio shows and would prefer he get more involved with your world.

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Three. You find yourself wishing that he would change his wardrobe.

Four. You are often embarrassed being seen with him in public and can’t handle the dirty looks some people give you.

Five. When you communicate your thoughts or interests to him, you feel that he is more interested in having sex with you.

Six. You feel uncomfortable with the idea that his daughter or son is about your age and his ex-wife is about your mother’s age.

Seven. You enjoy his money more than his company.

Eight. You often struggle with trying “to fit in” with his family because of their age differences too.

Nine. When he asks, “Do you have a problem with our age difference, you find yourself lying.”

Ten. You can’t handle when he or his relatives make jokes about him being your “sugar daddy” and you being “a gold digger.” You are angry often and find yourself fantasizing about dating someone your own age.

Now that you have 10 tips to help you understand whether you sincerely want to date an older man, it’s time to put yourself to the test! If at any time you feel that a dating relationship with an older man isn’t right for you, be honest and tell him. He may not agree but at least he will respect you for your honesty.

By Nicholl McGuire
Dating & Relationship Advice

Sunday

How to Take it Slow When Dating: 7 Dos of Getting to Know Your Mate

You met someone that you really admire and you tell your family and friends about him or her. They will most likely caution you “to take it slow.” What exactly does that mean anyway? You feel almost offended by their remark, because you know that you are going to let love run its course no matter how fast or slow. However, you know from past experiences that their advice isn’t wrong, so how do you take it slow when dating an older or younger someone who knocks you off your feet? The following are seven dating dos that will help you take it slow:

One. Do go to plenty of public places together.

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Oftentimes when age gap couples realize they really like being in each other’s presence, they abandon great opportunities to discover new things together outside of the bedroom. Then their relationship crashes and burns before it gets started. Remember to keep the relationship fresh by creating new things to do together.

Two. Do spend more time talking on the phone and using email during those early weeks of getting to know one another.

So many people miss signs that a person really isn’t their match, because they are often in a rush to get to the intimate stage of the relationship. Take this time to watch how they react when problems arise. Observe whether they keep their word about calling you on the phone or responding to your email.

Three. Do prepare questions to ask him or her prior to every meeting.

Have something to talk about every time you meet. Life is too short to allow opportunities to ask questions pass you by. You may be serious about getting married one day, having children, and buying a home. Why waste time by not asking what your potential mate wants out of life, what are the things that he or she values the most, and where does he or she see themselves in the future?

Four. Do participate in gift-giving.

Whether you are the one giving the gift or receiving the gift, expect or return the favor. When someone really likes you as much as they say they do, they will do whatever they can to make you happy and vice versa.

Five. Do date others until you are ready to commit.

You may not be completely sold on seeing this person so why prematurely commit to him or her. Allow yourself to get to know others until you are ready to settle down.

Six. Do explain to your new date that you are dating others.

Many May-December couples start off having problems because no one talks about the others that he or she may be seeing. Be honest about what you are doing. If you find that you have to lie or cover-up about these other relationships, then you may be ready to date this person exclusively. Find out how your date sincerely feels about you. If you both agree to date exclusively, cut the others off and update one another on your progress.

Seven. Do respect one another’s space and personal possessions.

When couples start getting serious about one another they falsely assume that they need to be around one another daily. They also think that they should share everything between one another because they are now a couple. However, it’s because of this kind of thinking that many couples go from being in love to falling out of love. Treasure your time apart and enjoy your things without feeling the need to have to share them all the time.

Now that you have seven dos to assist you with taking it slow while dating, read the article that discusses seven don’ts when taking it slow. These tips will help you get a better understanding of what it really means when people tell you to “take your time, take it slow, don’t rush…”

By Nicholl McGuire
Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate

Tuesday

12 Signs a Young Woman is Being Played By a Dirty Old Man

What Some of Older Male Relatives May Not Have Told Young Women About Old Players

Your family and friends are concerned about your sudden interest in a man twice maybe even three times your age. They wonder what you see in him and secretly you wonder what he sees in you as well. You hope that this isn’t a fly by night romance for a man struggling with mid-life issues, but how do you know? There are 12 signs you may want to watch out for when relating to your older man. So put off the wedding plans in your head and the butterflies in your stomach for a moment while you read the following points.


One. He is adamant about no surprise visits at his home or work.

Now if he has nothing to hide why would he feel the need to tell you that?

Two. He will only see you on certain days of the week.

So there must be a schedule set to see one another?

Three. He often picks out places to entertain you that are far away from the city.

You may want to suggest places that are closer to the city then watch his reaction.

Four. He doesn’t share any information about his personal life such as mention conversations he may have had with family and friends.

He is often asking you questions about your day, but when you ask him questions about his day he is vague or unresponsive.

Five. He avoids spending holidays with you or comes by to see you very late in the day, during his lunch break, or early in the morning.

Once again, you should be questioning why?

Six. He is overly protective about his belongings especially his cell phone and computer.

Is it necessary to become angry if you just so happen to flip his phone back and look at the screen?

Seven. He often doesn’t stick to appointments with you because “something came up” which makes him late or causes him to cancel.

An occasional cancellation or an apology for being late is acceptable, but frequently – something is up?

Eight. He dresses nice on days when he is supposed to be casually dressed.

Did he tell you he had a meeting to go to prior to seeing you? He must have forgot to mention it or maybe he had another date before he came over to see you?

Nine. Whenever you try to change his routine or schedule suddenly, he is making up excuses.

Control freak or someone else is controlling his time.

Ten. He isn’t interested in meeting your family or friends and doesn’t offer to introduce you to any of his family or friends especially his parents.

He simply isn’t serious about you yet, give him some time.

Eleven. When you bring up marriage, children, or moving in together, he either smiles, avoids the issue, or jokes about it. Meanwhile, he is telling his friends, “Never again will I get married.”

If you want marriage and he doesn’t, what makes you think that you can change him?

Twelve. People in his neighborhood, especially women, look at you or him negatively and talk about all the women who come in and out of his home. They may even mention in so many words how they use to date him and make negative comments about him.

Women can’t keep a good secret, they will expose a bad person or bad behavior, and if she is a women scorned then she will let the cat out of the bag. Listen to what she is telling you in a round-about way—she is warning you.

If you have noticed all of these signs working together throughout the relationship then you are being played. Many young women overlook these signs because they don’t want to believe that their older men is betraying them, because they assume that because they look or act a certain way they can’t be played. Yet, if you were quick to give him your heart, plan your days around him, and believe every little thing that comes out of his mouth without paying attention to his actions, then you are subjecting yourself to his game. As the saying goes, don’t hate the player, hate the game.

By Nicholl McGuire

Monday

When an Older Man Denies He is having a Mid-Life Crisis

She didn’t accuse him of having an affair, because that wasn’t the truth; rather she accused him of having a mid-life crisis. Warning signs of what was ahead, she told him that if he didn’t start doing the following: eating right, exercising, seeing his doctor, following doctor’s orders, and taking his prescribed medicines that the relationship would be over. She hadn’t asked for much, at least so she thought, but he felt that she was being pushy, acting like his mother, and he wasn’t going to listen. In time the relationship went downhill. He stayed out all night at times with his friends. He didn’t bother to call when he would be late coming home from work. He wasn’t interested in having sex with her anymore. He wanted more out of life and so he quit his job and didn’t tell her until he got a new one months later. He took monies they saved over the years from a joint savings account and bought toys for himself and trinkets for his admirers. He hadn’t done the ultimate betrayal, as of yet which was have sex with other women, but he sure was thinking about it. Given all the porn she found in his computer. She had a crisis on her hands and he was in denial.


You may know of someone like this and you may have tried to speak some wisdom to him, but he refuses to listen. Experts say that when a man is having a midlife crisis you are to try to be supportive and don’t belittle him or pressure him to change his ways, rather go along for the ride because at some point he will come to his senses -- easier said than done. The truth is that many men don’t come to their senses until it’s too late. They move forward into a life that was directed by their hormones and then when they look back they see a trail of tears, broken hearts, debt, and other serious errors. As old as they are, they refuse to take full responsibility for the mess that they caused.

We make jokes about the man who has his shirt unbutton; wearing a toupee, driving a sports car with a young woman by his side, but it’s no laughing matter. His cloudy brain has made him indecisive, irrational, illogical, and at times downright strange. What can we do when he says that he isn’t having a mid-life crisis? We don’t deny the truth; instead, we just call his attention to the foolish decisions he makes and pray that he sees the light. We provide him with choices and make him think that he came up with our ideas. For instance, if we want to go somewhere or eat something different, we recall a time when he may have said something similar and then attribute the idea to him. “I only cooked this because you said….” Now this man in a midlife crisis has an attitude that changes from one day to the next. What he use to eat it he doesn’t eat anymore. What he use to wear he doesn’t like anymore. The places he use to frequent are not as exciting as they once were. He often forgets what you have told him and thinks that you are the one losing it when in all actuality he is losing it. But you don’t argue and you don’t challenge him. Instead, you keep the peace by being selective on what is worth fighting about and what isn’t. Everything is not up for debate unless you want to run him out of your home.

You always want to take the time to listen to his complaints and concerns and try to make the atmosphere livable. No, you can’t prevent him from cheating, lying stealing or doing anything else that makes you and the family look bad, but what you can do is have a faith. Look to something greater than yourself to see him through. Believe that God is watching and that he will help him through his crisis.

By Nicholl McGuire

Sunday

Young Woman: What to Do When Breaking up with Older Man

You want to an end a relationship with an older man without making him feel that it’s his age that is an issue. You don’t want to have to hear, “I told you so!” from family and friends, but they told you so. Now you want to get out of this relationship that you feel is going nowhere so how do you do it?


First, take the time to plan what you are going to say. Be sure you are speaking from the heart. Meaning that everything you feel, you say. In this way it’s a clean break without any question; rather than coming back repeatedly to your ex with statements you forgot to say the first time.

Next, don’t say anything to your older man about breaking up until you are certain that is what you want to do. If you are still indecisive about being with him, you don’t want to say something before you are ready otherwise you will appear as if you are playing games.

He may already think you are too young for him and at times immature, but don’t confirm his thoughts by talking in circles when you are ready to make that clean break. Be direct, straightforward when you speak to him. Tell your older man friend that you can’t see a future with him and that is the reason why you must end it now. If you choose to get into details, don’t tell him things like, “Well I was thinking about what my mother said…” Even if your parents influenced your decision don’t tell him so. Grown women who make life decisions don’t make them based solely on what people say, they evaluate the situation, they test it, and they see how it works for them. Then they either embrace the challenge or dismiss it.

Now he may be critical of you and say mean things. Expect him to behave like a child because you were his prize trophy. He may even tell you, “I can find another one like you.” If so, he will be another woman’s problem, but be grateful that you are free.

You will most likely feel like you made a mistake especially if he supplied you with cash. He may even use it to keep you under his control. Tell him you don’t need it, even if you do. When making a clean break, leave the cash behind too. Otherwise, you will only make it harder to rid yourself of him and if you should date someone new they won’t like the idea that another man is taking care of you and he won’t like the idea that you are taking his money and buying another man gifts.

Lastly, don’t get his family involved in your break up. Let him tell them whatever he is going to tell him about the break up. If you must share any information with them, do it when you are over him. The last thing you want to do is appear like you are a sniffling little child who is lost without their beloved.

There are older men who will attempt to make you feel small for breaking up with them because their ego is wounded especially if he is one of those who are having a mid-life crisis. In their minds they are thinking, “Who does this stupid, young girl think she is?” You see, some older men pride themselves on being one step ahead in relationships and business and if they feel like they are being undermined, deceived or rejected, they will have temper tantrums just like children. You aren’t a child, so don’t act like one even if he does accuse you of handling matters like one. What else is he going to say? You are breaking up with him and if he carries on in the way that was described, be glad you are so over him!

By Nicholl McGuire
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