Thursday

The Unavailable Man

“What goes around comes around,” so the old saying goes. During my twenties, single and childless days in the 90s, I was approached by many family men. They thought they had it going on with their young wardrobe and lingo. They wanted to show me, who at the time was a hip woman back in the day, what they knew about my generation. I wasn’t necessarily turned on by the gray hair, the age mark here and there, and what I would call the “old man” odor, but I was turned on by their success. I wanted to learn a thing or two from these men, but I definitely didn’t want to be responsible for breaking up anyone’s happy home. These married men were slick back then and so I hear, the game hasn’t changed much. Taking off their rings, silencing their pagers and offering to take me to places far away from the city these were just a few things I experienced with older married men, I was still young so I had yet to learn the game.

When I did catch on, I used the knowledge I had learned and put one married man to the test. This slickster used his sister to call me, because he was busy with his wife. I didn’t know he was married until that phone call. I told her about herself and him and warned her to tell him never to call me again. Had I pursued a relationship with this attractive guy who had a great salary to go along with him, I would have been considered a home-wrecker. One battle was won, but there were more tests that I would face as I got older. I admit I had my share of wins, but I also had some situations that were too close for comfort and as I said earlier, “What goes around comes around.” Later, I would be cheated on by someone I once loved.

Flirting is harmful. Talking to a married man on the phone periodically about things non-related to business is not okay. Sitting down in a restaurant after work hours discussing everything but business is playing with fire. I honestly believe that some single women need to associate their struggles with relationships now with what they did in their heyday. Think: Did you go out with married men? Did you have an intimate relationship with these men? Back then you may have thought that your youth will stay with you, now some of you reading this are older and don’t feel or look as attractive, but are still attracting older men. Some have become a little absent-minded about the past and never talked to God about it or asked for his forgiveness. I know some people don’t believe in curses, but I think some of us have put curses on our own lives by what we say and do.

We may tell someone how we are such a great person and we could never do wrong, but behind closed doors we are calling ourselves an idiot and saying why we will never have a good relationship or never have children. Reverse the curse, my sister! You could be blessed if you were willing to say and do the deeds that would make you feel good about yourself, rather than do things that hurt you and others. Is it really that important to you to keep an unavailable man in your life? Do you really think that what he promises you will be achieved? Will you be content with what you have to do to keep his gifts coming? Nothing in life comes for free there is always a give and take relationship somewhere. What are you willing to risk to get what you want?

I know of women as I type who have sold their souls to the devil. They will do just about anything to get ahead. They love the fact that they don’t have children because it’s just one less obstacle they have to jump over to achieve fame and fortune. While they are fighting for a place, position, and/or power, they are teaching young girls to do exactly the same things they are doing to get ahead. Their actions say, “Sleep with the boss. Shake your behind and the money will come. Tell this man everything he wants to hear. Keep your mouth shut with this one and you will have favor with him even if he is wrong. Go with this man and he will take care of you. Smile this way, dress that way, talk this way…Change your hair color, straighten your curly hair…” You name it, whatever the magazine, television, agent, doctor, even their mother says to make them look and feel sexy and desired by the public, they will do it all the while getting hurt in the end. At some point someone is going to see Jezebel’s (an evil woman in the Christian Bible) flaws and expose them to the world and there she is at home sitting on the floor crying, depressed, wondering why her life has become such a mess. When you keep feeding the world garbage they are going to want more and more and more until you are spent! Eventually they will be taking the garbage out and dumping it into a grave until they can find "the next best…" You fill in the blank.

I have witnessed unavailable men seek after available women like pimps looking for hoes, because it’s an ego boost for them. They can spot a desperate woman a mile away and they work out their plan before she even looks their way. He knows that if he says all the right things and she behaves herself, he can have his way with her. But when she doesn’t, depending on how rich and powerful he is, he may drop her, take what he gave her back (or in some cases he may get a gift or two like a disease) or worse attempt to kill her. A woman who acts like trash gets treated like trash. If the woman is a mother, she may be spared the games, because she has innocent children that don't need to be caught up in drama, but a child-free slut doesn’t stand a chance. She can’t excuse her disgraceful actions with, “I did it for my kids.” What kids? “I did it because of love.” What relationship? “I did it because I wanted to get ahead.” Really, then the public will label you as a hoe or a selfish b*tch, take your pick. Meanwhile thinking, "What else will this slut do for the mighty dollar?" There she is the single, relationship and child-free woman being escorted to someone’s basement, office, car, garage, woods, ready to be sacrificed like an animal. If she does what she is told, she gets what she is asking for, but most likely her master, I mean old man, is going to tell his friends about her. If she doesn’t do what they ask of her then she will be hurt emotionally and/or physically. But if she is a good little hoe, she just might get some more bills paid.

Nicholl McGuire, author of Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate.

Monday

What to Do When a Man is Withdrawn & Emotionally Cold! This is Ultra Important For You

Many men are emotionally unavailable. They have a lot of excuses just to get away from creating any emotional intimacy with a woman. This is really sad especially if his partner feels the other way around. So here are some things women can do if his partner is emotionally unavailable.

First is to check your own behavior. Maybe you are just too busy concentrating on all his negative attributes that you missed out your own actions. Maybe, it was you who has the real problem and he is just acting out to make you realize it.

Next is to give him space. Maybe he can no longer breathe because you are already suffocating him with your presence. Give him some time to go out and have fun with his friends. Do not call or send him any messages when he is out enjoying a day without you.

Third, do not try to control him. Men hate it when their girl is too possessive or bossy. Let him have a voice in your relationship.

Fourth, do not try to change him because it can only make matters worse. Instead try to act like you support him, but gradually instill to him what needs to be changed. They hate it when women tell their flaws, let them change on his own.

Fifth is to let them see how good it feels when someone is emotionally available. Never think of revenge and make him feel what he has done to you. Instead show him how to be emotionally stable, let him see the good in it.

Sixth, is to expose him to couples or people who have a very strong bond to each other. Let him see how happy they are just by being in love and emotionally available. This will make him think about it and sooner or later apply it on your relationship.

Lastly, do not give up on him too easily. Give him a chance, maybe in time he will see the beauty of a serious relationship and would be ready to try it out. Maybe time is all he needs to finally take your relationship to the next level. Patience is a virtue, and sometimes a better life awaits those who are patient enough.

When a man is emotionally unavailable it is best to find out what made him act like that. This way you will understand him better and would know how to deal with him.

By Russell Jackson

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The Power of the Engagement Ring

A young woman who doesn't have much experience dating older men will be easily taken for a ride by a conniving older man. If sex is all he wants then he will do what it takes to get it. Nowadays it doesn't take much since so many desperate women are in need of company and cash and will do almost anything to get it! However, what if the older man falls in love with the younger woman, he will want to take the relationship to the next level and a promise of marriage just might do it! Just like young men who are riding on "the break up to make up roller coaster" seeking a way to buy more time, the older man with a plan is no exception! He realizes the older he gets the more challenging it can become to get a younger woman of his dreams. He may have messed up with a younger woman already and knows that he is at risk of losing her forever, that is until he sets his eyes on an engagement ring.

Some men use jewelry like a mother using a pacifier to quiet a baby. "One look at that diamond," he thinks "and she will stick around a little while longer." Maybe she will or maybe she won't. These days there are many women buying their own jewelry without a man, so he will have to bring more than just a ring, watch, bracelet, necklace or a pair of earrings to the relationship. Yet, some older men will still try anyway to keep their younger women by their side with gifts. The engagement ring is the most powerful of them all, because it tells a woman one thing, he is committed -- ready to marry! Some men will try to lessen the weight of its significance by calling it a "promise ring" or saying, "we don't have to rush about getting married..." when he says these kinds of things after giving it to his younger woman then she should immediately think, "He's not serious. He just wants to keep me around." A man who is sold out on a woman whether young, old, rich or poor won't drag anything out -- he will even suggest a date of marriage! A seriously committed man will do everything he can to make himself and his loved one very happy!

Men who are still boys will play games. They will say things they don't really mean. Make excuses as to why they aren't ready for commitment. Make no sacrifices for anyone no matter how much loved ones cry, complain, or moan about him "never being around, more focused on his career, always messing with different women, hanging out with friends" etc. Men who are ready for a real commitment won't debate about things like exs since they are a thing of the past, why pornography offends her, why she feels like she can't trust him, or why she believes that the engagement ring is just another one of his tricks. True men also known as good men don't have these kinds of dramas in their relationships, but boys do!

Well with all this said, hope you will think wisely before getting or receiving an engagement ring.

Nicholl McGuire is the creator of this blog and tweets periodically on http://twitter.com/datingdramas

Wednesday

The Older Men Who Rather Keep Their Secrets in The Dark About Dating a Younger Woman

Being online I have come across my share of older men who don't like my revealing the player strategies that some will use, the weaknesses that they attempt to try to cover up, or the lies that some tell younger women just so they can get sex, have a companion that would be willing to care for them, and other reasons they don't want to share.

Everyone has a motive as to why they want to be with someone. Some have lists while others just go with the flow. But whatever the reason, an older man feels compelled to have a younger woman, it should be honest and true. If you want a trophy piece its better to say so, then for her to find out that you aren't interested in a committed relationship the hard way. If you seek a younger woman, because you desire to be a father, she should know that, some women simply don't want children not now or anytime in their lives. The more open young, old, rich or poor couples are with one another, the better the relationship!

Now let's just say an older man chooses to date a younger woman but doesn't feel too confident about the way he looks, he just might consider getting this: Click Here!

Nicholl McGuire is the creator of this blog and enjoys providing tips to young women about what to expect when dating an older man.
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