Monday

If Meeting Your Girlfriend's Friends Were Honest


Look Pretty, Be Quiet - Older Man Dating Young Woman

It's been years since I penned a fictional story but for purposes of this blog entry, I will provide the following because I desire to make some of my readers think about their approach when it comes to dating older men and younger women.  Please read.

The older man looking to date younger women noticed one from afar, this one was very pretty--long dark hair, ruby red lips, shapely with an eye-catching rear, attractive face with a narrow nose, about 5'6".  He guessed she was about a D cup, but wasn't certain because he was fooled before.  Oh yes, this was his One--something out of a magazine!  Yet, what the older gentleman didn't know was that she was also pretty smart too.  She observed him looking at her from the corner of her eye.  Sure, he was nice-looking for his age, but from what this college student could tell, this man had his share of baggage.  His eyes that went from warm-looking to cold and then back again briefly told his story.  His posture didn't look to confident as if he was using a nearby rail to hold himself up.

The lust-filled older man was in search of a young lady who could make him smile and give him a good time in the sack she assumed, but what about her needs, she thought?  From the way the man in his fifties walked to the way he talked,she overheard his brief chat in the parking lot.  "Older people love to talk about the weather," she had chuckled to herself as she walked quickly.

The car he drove and his inexpensive attire were also telling, no he didn't give off a sugar daddy vibe--that's for sure!  No, this man didn't have much to share, she told herself. "Probably lost alot in a divorce or still losing."

The older guy had a small, crinkled McDonald's bag in one hand and a small coffee in the other. Either he didn't eat much, was watching his weight, finances or maybe all three, she pondered and continued to watch.  It was obvious that the mature man wasn't young by the way he moved and probably wasn't that good in bed.  He also wasn't as detailed as he once was, the young woman had pity on him as her thoughts increased about her admirer.  He had missed many gray hairs on his head and face from his quick dye job which was too dark and didn't flatter his aging face.  Then that body build wasn't what it used to be if it ever was.  Yet, she looked on smiling at him after their eyes made contact wondering if he carried any useful information to stimulate her ears his appearance wasn't dazzling.

The young woman agreed to date the man after repeated sightings here and there.  The pair would one day meet and he would spoil her with many goodies.

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Then they met again and more items that she needed.  he made such an impression on her that she forgot about all that stuff she thought about him early on.  As the relationship grew more serious, the man promised her a car, bought a very expensive jewelry set, and planned a trip overseas.  It turned out he was exceptionally wealthy.  A broke college student really didn't have much to offer so she thought.  But the man appreciated her company, affection and her beauty much.  However, after much time and money spent, the couple broke up.  

Now in the above fictional story, I want you to fill in the remaining details as to what happened next that led to the relationship's ending.  Did the man lose interest because he realized he wanted more in the relationship?  Did he finally discover that she wasn't really attracted to him?  Did the young woman feel suffocated or controlled?  Do he stop spoiling her?  Did she discover that he was married? The truth is that in many age gap relationships there is no future just temporal companionship and financing.

My version to this story will correlate with the title above.  In reality, some of these age gap dating relationships consist of rich, older men putting pressure on young women to always be their best selves whenever they are around.  For details to the story's ending, I throw this out there:

The man wanted his lady friend to be quiet about "issues" when they would arise and "just have a good time."  Sometimes her intellectual side would get the best of her and she would ramble on about a myriad of thoughts concerning the past, present and future.  But the mature man, who spent much time on his free days unresponsive had rules she had yet to learn.  No talking about any negative personal feelings, asking questions about his past, and no communicating concerns even those that involve the pair.  

Remember I told you in the beginning of the fictional story that the young lady was smart.  The older man believed himself deserving of her, so he watched her too. His poor act was just that, because he was well aware of gold-diggers.  He noticed that the young lady was a hard worker, conscious of her spending, didn't have much, and was proud of her college.  She often wore the school's emblem, ate at McDonald's every Tuesday right before her class and rushed off to the college's shuttle bus stop, because she didn't have enough money to buy a car.  She would wear impressive clothes every now and again, but no accessories.  During those early days of watching his former lover because that's all he ever really wanted but he was open to something serious, he knew the pretty young lady was observant because she often checked her surroundings and saw him and smart too.  But the prideful, mature gentleman, believed he was mature, powerful, and deserving of whatever he desired.  The man never denied himself any forbidden fruit despite his being married more than a couple times, going through a divorce, and then of course the recent serious relationship that didn't work out either. So unfortunately emotional and physical cheating, pride, power,control, and more also contributed to this age gap relationship ending too.

You see, when dating you have to know what you are getting yourself into before emotions take over and what exactly do you want and don't. What are you willing to give and what are you unwilling to tolerate?  You have to look beyond appearance, gifts and sex to truly see the person for who he or she really is.  Troubled people are vulnerable, weak, and easily led into many tempting situations.  Pretty is fleeting, but wisdom lasts a lifetime.  Unfortunately, there aren't a lot of people exercising common sense or wisdom in dating app world or in the real world.  They prefer to get immediate needs met now and worry about the consequences later.  Dismiss what their minds and hearts tell them just to get a thing or two.

"Look pretty..." the older man demanded one day prior to the breakup.  "Just look pretty!  You don't need to talk, I don't need to talk!  But if you should want to talk and you tell me something I don't want to hear or respond to...You will annoy me.  You don't like to be irritated and neither do I!"

The things people say when they have money and a host of other choices.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men and She's Crazy.

Sunday

Older Men Looking for Younger Women - Dating for Wants not Needs

A single, older man who seeks selfish gain has an agenda before he even starts dating someone new. The kind of plan with the objective to meet his wants and not always his needs.  Most often what or who is most important to him (that person, place or thing) is already managed as far as he is concerned.  But those wants of the older guy are very tempting to him, temporarily satisfying, and at times worth the risks that come with them at least so he thinks. 

When older men seek younger women, what do you think is going on in some of their minds? Consider things like:  companionship, attention, adoration, sex, travel buddy, an assistant or some other want.  These are their benefits they often receive depending on their selection of women (most lovers give very little while expecting much in return).  These mature men have already had their share of  life disappointments and so now they seek after what they feel is essential to their well-being and present lifestyles, yet sometimes their wants outweigh common sense.  Ponder on the following.

Unchecked health issues dominate a man's mind; therefore he looks to others to treat his ills by distracting him with entertainment; rather than making a doctor's appointment or sitting down with a psychologist or a person of faith.
  
Poor choices in past or current mates rob him of inner peace, joy, money, relationship with children, etc. instead of blaming himself, he shifts blame, makes excuses, or hopes his personal issues will just go away or one day get better without doing anything or very little to make personal changes.  

His desire to achieve becomes more significant than quality relationship building. Instead of building people up (family, friends...) as he moves up the ladder of success, he fault-finds, insults, and bad mouths.  A Creator is unimportant, spirituality has no impact, and he feels a void despite all of the material wealth and business acquaintances he has gained.

These are just a few of the many things that motivate an older man to find a bit of pleasure in a young woman.  He runs away from the things that bother him while he expects/demands/controls his fountain of youth.  In time, his younger partner doesn't look as appealing to him due to aging, childbirth, stress, etc.  So he isn't very kind or caring while his eyes wonder elsewhere.  

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Without quality friends around these troubled older men to shake them back into reality and out of their personal fantasies, they will continue to go after gullible young women who ultimately give them nothing more than a headache and empty bank account over time. 
 
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The compatibility they eventually realize simply isn't there as they mature along in years.  Unfortunately, many of these disgruntled older men take out their negative emotions on those closest to them.  Meanwhile the young ladies come to the realization that the aging process in their older partners is more than they can handle.  They either fight back, ignore, or move on to nicer guys whether young or old.  As far the older men who see they are no longer charming in the eyes of their companions, they reason, "It's not me, it's them..."out with the old and in with the new.  This cycle may repeat with the miserable,stubborn, bitter, and angry older men over and over again until their dying days.

As much as some of us enjoy connecting with older or younger, we all need to understand that there are needs and wants in these matches, engagements and marriages and if one is unwilling to meet a person's desires, besides one's own, on both an emotional and physical level (no matter the age) there will be trouble!

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Too Much,Too Soon Internet Dating Blues  

Wednesday

The Best Older Men to Date

They are generous, confident, charismatic, and enjoy your company!  There are not nearly enough of these older gentlemen around who sincerely love their companions.  These men are attentive, supportive and most of all most wanted! 

Mature men don't play mind games, they have no need.  Their behavior, wealth, and associations speak for themselves.  If you are genuinely interested, they will reach out and work with you to meet.  But those that have secrets, past baggage, emotional, and physical challenges are the ones you may not get along with. 

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Some older men have a way of projecting their short-comings on to others.  When issues arise that they may have caused by the time the conversations comes to an end, they have turned their mistakes, lies, and more on to their partners.  This is one of many reasons why some simply can't keep a quality connection with anyone not exes or current lovers. They don't hold themselves accountability to anyone or anything they don't believe truly matters to them.

As a younger woman (in the past) who dated many older men, I can tell you that the ones I went the distance with until I grew weary of them were the nice, patient type.  They weren't filthy rich guys just men who made a steady income and knew how to save money and make small investments.  I really didn't care much about their material assets because I knew I would have to do a lot to get a little.  Rather, I was captivated by their minds and looks for their age.  I was also interested in learning from them and utilizing their knowledge to meet my needs.  Hence, this long-running blog for instance.

Life with a quality older man is indeed great.  What I mean by quality is the kind who is honest, caring, and considerate.  But when many of the positive traits are absent in an older or younger man, you are better off cutting the guy off sooner rather than later.  One can typically feel from the start that the relationship is merely temporary.

Older men who make for good friends tend to be:  lonely men, generous men, men who have already had families, men who wish they had daughters, and men who have never dated someone very attractive.  These men tend to make time for the women they enjoy their companionship and appearance.  However, like with all men, they have their share of traits that might be misconstrued for care, but really turn out to be power and control tactics. They might want to see you often, rush to marry you, impregnate you, use money and assets to control, etc.  Watch for power and control signs.

So the best older men to date are those who treat you like you want to be treated.  Anything else and you are just settling!

Nicholl McGuire
Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate

Tuesday

Confession: Have Never Been in Love with My Lovers' Minds

Have Never Been in Love with My Lovers' Minds  a poem written based on the past loves the writer met before apps, websites, and other toys created to meet people.  There is a deception that takes place when a couple meets under dimly lit lights, good food, and later sex.  The kind of trickery that makes one think that something is real when it is not.  What does a smart girl have in common with a dumb man and vice versa?  Never downplay your intelligence to attract, keep or maintain a partner.  Be real with yourself and others.  Sooner or later you will be with the one who truly is compatible with you!

Wednesday

4 Dating Apps for People Seeking an Age Gap Relationship - Older Men Dating Younger Women

For younger women looking to date older men or vice versa but are too shy to connect offline, there are sites that cater to your needs.  The following is a list of dating apps for people who want to date older men, younger women.  Don't be ashamed or feel odd about meeting people who are not close to your age.  Sometimes you can't help who you might have more in common with than others.  If you feel like trying a dating app, here are a few that cater to age gap relationships exclusively.  For those who have a faith you may want to look at eHarmony, ChristianMingle and other similar dating apps. 

1.  EstablishedMen.com - you can flirt for free, filter results and searches, block people, and create a favorite list.

2.  MillionaireMatch.com - you can send winks, share first date ideas, post lots of photos, have a private album, post questions, you can request verification of photo, and do other interesting stuff.

3.  SugarDaddyMeet.com - you can contact members through winks and emails, upload many photos and create a blog homepage.

4.  AgeMatch.com - if you believe in May- December relationships, you will enjoy this one.  Create a detailed profile, send winks, participate in forum discussions, etc.

Keep in mind in order to get full use of the dating sites, there are fees so do visit the site to the latest prices.  Also, check to see if the site has auto renewal membership fees and view terms to see what the process is to cancel service if you find it is no longer useful. 

Tuesday

10 of the Best Dating Apps - Connect with Someone Older or Younger

1) Tinder - discover people who are near you, connect with locals.

2) Bumble - the woman makes the first move on this dating app.

3) Happn - discover people who you have crossed paths with during the day.

4) Coffee Meets Bagel - each day at 12 noon guys you will receive 21 matches, you can like or pass.

5) Hinge - if you are interested in a real relationship, then this app is for you!

6) OK Cupid - finds you matches based on what you care about and it is free.

7) POF - this is one of the largest and most active dating sites.

8) Christian Mingle - this app makes it easy to connect with people of faith.

9) Match - discover a diverse global community of singles.  Check profiles near or far.

10)  eHarmony - premium online dating for people interested in committed relationships.


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