Saturday

My Experience Dating a Single Mom - The Cold Hard Truth

On Loving Those Who Have Been Abused

On Attending Family Events with a Date - Personal Experience, Self-Help Book

When I first started dating in my youth, I always found myself either accepting or declining an invite to attend my dates' family events. I will be the first to admit, I wasn't always eager to meet my companions' kin especially when I knew there was no future with them. Later in life, I would have long term relationships and find that some people were okay about occasional cancellations and others not so much. The negative talk would start about "Why didn't you come?" along with questions to see how close was I to my own family.

It wasn't that I had issues with the individuals at some of these gatherings; I just didn't feel the need to support my partners' every time they chose to connect with their families. I recall witnessing my own family quite happy when in-laws, girlfriends and boyfriends were no shows every now and then. They simply wanted to spend some time with their relatives without their better half always around. If you think about it, we do tend to let our hair down more so when partners aren't around.

Meeting someone's new girlfriend or boyfriend, in-laws, extended relatives, half sisters and brothers, etc. can be particularly burdensome especially around holidays. Do we even bother to remember all those names? We don't always want to be around our own intermediate family much less the aunt of the cousin whose friend is a friend of...you know the feeling. 

When you are involved with someone who really enjoys the company of his or her family a little more than you do, the last thing you want to do is hurt him or her, so you go along to get along month after month or year after year until one day a light bulb goes off, "I don't want to keep doing this! I really want to do something different this year." If resentment is mixed with anger once you arrive to this revelation, those emotions are sure to bring confusion for yourself and/or household, because for so long you had chose to do some things to appease someone else.

One should never obligate his or herself to go somewhere he or she rather not just because the individual doesn't want to hurt a partner's feelings. What about yours? Keep this in mind when you read my book, Should I Go to the Party?  This isn't just a book that questions whether a party is worth attending or not, but it challenges you to establish a plan before you are faced with the dilemmas and trials that come with attending an event.  There are so many stories where people wish they had never gone somewhere and met the people that they did.

Stop the cycle of going along just to get along and look a little closer at those in your social circle who just love inviting folks to all sorts of events even when they know full well trouble-makers will be present--is it worth it?  Could accepting the wrong invitation be the end of a good relationship, friendship?  Check out

Nicholl McGuire is the author of other books including: Say Goodbye to Dad, Tell Me Mother You're Sorry, and What Else Can I do on the Internet?

Sunday

The "When I Need Her" Girl - Is that You?

She is called upon only when the older gentleman is in need of her time and affection. He doesn't kiss her on the lips when they meet or have sex, because according to him, "Well that is just personal."

The well-dressed gentleman is not what you would consider a sugar daddy or even a rich gentleman--even though his wardrobe is quite deceiving, he is simply an old player. A man with many tricks who knows how to play games with silly, naive women who think they will be taken care of by him. What does love have to do with anything anyway in the player's world? Selfish men and women have agendas. Their arranged meetings, whether secretly or publicly, have little to do with love.

In the case of the mature gentleman, one who has had more than enough travel and sex in his eighty plus years on this planet, the "When I Need Her" Girl of 10 plus years is nothing more than a toy he brings out every now and then. His body is with the wife any other time. The player says what attracted him to his wife was her big breasts and legs, but others say it was her money too. The beauty his committed companion once had as well as the player has long passed away. He admits that the women loved him, but he couldn't love them, because he had no love for self.

The wife seems to be quite content just being in the moment with her player husband while the residue of drugs, sex and rock n roll still remain on her even at seventy plus years old. She is numb to the pain her mate has caused her over the years. She is emotionally spent and so she runs away in her mind whenever one starts to get to close to her personal pain settling with a player for decades. The wife was aware of more than just one of her husband's "When I Need Her" girls. She has long stopped crying and protesting and has settled with the "bad boy" she got mixed up with many years ago.

When I think of the other women, those who knew or didn't know that their lovers were married, I can't help but shiver. They didn't care much about playing second fiddle, being used whenever husbands wanted them and then later disposed. The old player, described previously, wasn't the one contributing much to the cat and mouse game, but the young women were. The man's wardrobe, housing, food, etc. was funded by women. According to the player, he has got it made.

As for the "When I Need Her" girls, well we all know where they stand...on corners, at bars, on therapists' couches, in churches, hospital beds, hiding in closets, and elsewhere wishing/hoping/praying for more than what they settled for.

Nicholl McGuire

Saturday

Storytime | Dating An Older Man

Why Did I Start a Blog about Young Women and Older Men...

Sometimes I have to go back to why I even bothered to put this blog together.  I mean I didn't have to broadcast anything about subject matter like this, because well you readers know everything, right?  Actually you don't and neither do I and so the need for this blog over the years has been necessary.

We think when we meet people that we know so much.  We read articles, watch TV, hear
stories, had dating experiences...so we think we can handle almost anything that comes our way when it comes to dating.  But can you really when things aren't going so well in your life?  Nope.  You are left wide open, weak for a thrill.  You want a change in routine, something new, fresh, different...I get it.  But I don't support it when you already have someone at home that loves/likes you.  I'm not encouraging a person of faith to compromise their belief for anyone.  It isn't worth losing your anointing.  I am definitely not the one who will cheer you on when you are a victim either of a turbulent relationship.

I will say that I absolutely love sharing advice and listening to stories that relate to the content on this blog.  You can always learn something new if you are open to receiving.  Don't let negative past experiences keep you from growing and loving!  I for one am quite content in my lifestyle choice (married older) and look forward to the future.  Who knows, maybe I might be a cougar one day--just kidding, but then maybe not, hmmm.

Thanks for reading, keep scrolling and click those ads too--appreciate the support!

Nicholl

Frustration in Relationships - Dating, Engaged, Married

Monday

Feel Left Out? Age Gap Relationships Can be Lonely

He doesn't want to bring you around his relatives or peers because he is uncomfortable with the age difference despite his saying he is okay with it.  She doesn't want you attending a family event because males in her family don't approve of you being much older.

So what do age gap couples end up doing when family and friends make them feel uncomfortable at events?  They stay home.  They say,  "Who cares?  We don't need them...We love one another."  But deep down inside maybe the young woman really wanted to be with her family and maybe the older gentleman desired to spend time with kinfolk.

We don't often hear about the challenges of dating older or younger because the people who are celebrating their new love interests are still quite blinded by sex and beauty.  But when tough times show up, they keep their business to themselves.

There is a loneliness that some couples feel when so many family members don't necessarily like their choice in a partner whether old or young.  The feeling of being casted out or not liked because of one's actions is not a good feeling especially when you are use to being the favorite in a family.

Age gap relationships can be difficult and lonely at times depending on who you might have connected to like: the selfish, stubborn, angry, controlling or rude types.  The frustrations that might arise because one didn't bother to think too deeply about how a partner might feel about relationship concerns can come spilling out between the pair in unusual ways such as: frequent disputes about meaningless things, silent treatment, pouting, passive aggressive behaviors, etc.  The fact is that people tend to be more comfortable around folks who are about the same age or a little younger or older.  They share many common interests and at times find other things that are attractive about one another.

Watch out for signs that you feel lonely in a May-December romance.  Reach out for support.  Don't fake interest when there is no longer any in a partner.  Make time to think about whether you still want to be in this kind of relationship.  Forgive yourself if it doesn't work out and allow yourself some time to reconnect with you before starting another relationship.

Nicholl McGuire

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